


Ren Gyokuen

by ArashiGoddess



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Romance, explaining how arba takes over bodies, life growing up as gyokuen, one-sided koutoku/gyokuen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 57,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21973747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArashiGoddess/pseuds/ArashiGoddess
Summary: A family curse that she had no knowledge of slowly cripples Ren Gyokuen and the perfect family she had dreamt of. She promised her. And she believed that woman. Now her beloved is dead, her older sons following their father soon after, and the next moment she regained control was with a sword inches from her neck. "H-Hakuryuu...? Where am I?"
Relationships: Ren Gyokuen/Ren Hakutoku
Kudos: 6
Collections: Magi Big Bang 2019





	Ren Gyokuen

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little warning, the next part is long. Like, 50k words long. Read at your own risk and make sure to stop staring at your screen every now and then.
> 
> This was the product of two months worth of suffering for Magi Big Bang 2019 (which was canceled :(( ) and I wanted to rewrite this and add a lot more scenes since I basically rushed this. So, I apologize if some stuff seems wrong or if things happen way too quickly.
> 
> I wanted to post the draft just as an intro of sorts to the story but you definitely don't have to read it once I start updating this story with the final version.
> 
> ...which might take a while, actually;;
> 
> Well, that's all I wanted to say so I hope you enjoy! Make sure to let me know what you think!

Dedicated to my good friend Alexa3222 for giving me the idea in the first place. You know I wouldn't write this if it weren't for you and your prompts hahaha!

Also dedicated to SakuraGarcia8 for always being an awesome friend to me all these years. I believe it's been three years now, so here's to more years for the two of us! Cheers!

* * *

For as long as she could remember, she had no one by her side.

She had no mother to care for her, no father to protect her, and no siblings to share with.

_All she had was herself._

And she didn't have time to wish for a family.

She was too busy trying to live off of whatever she could get her hands on. She was begging for food her whole life before she realized there was barely anyone who wanted to help her case. They were either too poor like hers or didn't care enough to give.

Well... _who would have wanted to?_

She grew up hearing from others that she was nothing but a street rat. That give her just a few more years and she would die, _just like the others._ To be honest, that may have been the one thing that urged her to live on, her stubborn side refusing to just let others be right about her future.

She was dirt poor.

She had no family.

She received no help.

But that doesn't mean that others had to be right.

So by age five, although she was the tiniest of the bunch, she took on a more desperate means to fend for herself, _stealing._ Just like how the older kids did it. It was hard at first, the guilt gnawing on her when she passed by a stand and 'casually' grabbed an apple like it was hers. She tried to do it nonchalantly, like that one boy, but she couldn't laugh about it to others or even brag about what she did.

It felt _too wrong_ for her to do it. How can others do it like it was just nothing? That it was the most natural thing to do?

She almost took it back, and maybe even apologize after, but one of 'them' grabbed her shoulder to stop her. And with an uncaring grin on his face, 'he' said,

_"The more you do it, the lesser you'll think about it."_

They were a bunch of rascals who were older than her, they were doing it for far longer than she has. Surely, they know what they were doing... _right?_

It was a few months after that and she realized... they weren't wrong. The more she stole, the lesser she thought that what she was doing was bad in of itself. Instead, she started thinking of _how_ she was going to live for the next day. Soon after, she was doing it as if it was the most natural thing she had done.

By the time she was seven, she thought nothing of it anymore.

And the kids who taught her there was nothing to fear, took her under their wing and for the first time she wasn't alone. They were a small group of ten by then but in their town, ten was a high number. It also meant they can easily overpower an adult if they all joined forces. To put it simply, they have a slightly higher chance of survival than most.

There were four kids a little older than the girl, then there's her in the middle, and five children younger than her.

Their food situation wasn't any better than the others, but they did have something to eat every day. Unlike when she was on her own a few months back. She rarely had _anything_ to eat and she would sometimes go without doing so for days on end.

So really, she would want her situation now than before.

She had no family, but their little group was slowly becoming one to her. The older kids sometimes took things too far (like stealing from others who were struggling as well) but oftentimes, she let those things slide, so long as they don't starve.

And the younger kids? They were a handful, but the girl learned to deal with them. She was young once after all. Never mind the fact that she was currently seven and no older than them.

Then one afternoon, hiding from the glare of the sun from a makeshift roof they made in an alley they called 'home' was her and the younger kids. If they weren't staring off into space or out there looking for ways to get food, they often chatted idly amongst themselves.

That day, they brought on a topic about the girl that she never really paid much attention to.

_"My name?"_

She asked the kid, tucking in a matted lock of black hair behind her ear. "What about it?"

"You never told us it." The boy continued, curious about that one little fact about her.

She thought about it for a bit and honestly? She couldn't care less. She had no idea what her name was. There was no one to tell her, and no one to give her one. Heck, she often heard things about birthdays but even that she had no clue about her's as well. She sometimes envied others who people can call out to with their 'names' while she continued living without one.

The only things that people called her were 'girl', 'brat', or 'annoying little shit.'

Was she even her person if she had nothing to identify herself with? _Who was she?_

She scratched at her chin, uncomfortable.

"I... don't have one. So, there's nothing to tell."

The kid, Gin's (銀) eyes widened in disbelief. "B-But... doesn't everyone have one? Why don't you have one?" He asked as if a name was the most important thing in a person and he was probably right about that.

But she shrugged. "I just don't have one."

The boy went silent and she thought that was the end of that. Until, he spoke up again and this time, he said something unusual.

"How about Tama (玉)?"

She paused her fiddling with the hem of her skirt and regarded the kid beside her. "What?"

He scratched the back of his sheepishly, grinning at her. "I don't know. I like Tama. I wanna call you Tama."

She slowly drew in a breath at that.

_Tama._

Well, it wasn't fancy or anything of the sorts. It simply meant 'ball.' It also wasn't too _girly_ so... maybe.

It felt weird that there was finally something people could properly call her, something that would make her turn her head when it was called. And although it wasn't too meaningful in the slightest, she can appreciate that Gin even bothered to think of one for her.

All in all, she was a little touched.

But happy as she was, the reality was brought down on her like a hammer when soon, Gin had died of illness. Right after him, Tenten (輾転) followed, then Mei (明)... and even Shin (真), the person who stood up and led their little group.

It was funny, how they can be smiling one morning and the next, they wouldn't even wake up from their sleep. As if that small fleeting happiness she had was a mere dream.

It was so _funny._

Yet oh so _unfair._

She discarded the name Tama, and she became nameless again. She couldn't bear to keep it as her own, not after what had happened to the person who gave it to her. She would remember it for as long as she could just to show her gratitude but... to claim it as her own?

She couldn't do it.

And because of their loss, instead of growing stronger and firmly deciding to stay, everyone went on their separate ways. First, it was just Sou (走), then Sui (出) and Kan (甘) followed him while Ki (嬉) and Hon (本) moved to the other side of their town. They would still see each other now and again but the greetings slowly diminished over time until they didn't even look in each other's direction.

Once again, she was alone.

She was back to living by herself and with the things that she learned with her now-disbanded group, she lived off of stealing. But it wasn't long before the people around her started to recognize her as a thief from her repeated offenses and the times she was caught. Now, little people even glanced at her or even trusted her enough to let her near them.

One time was especially bad.

She had attempted to steal from the store that was known to punish thieves cruelly. Tiny as she was, it was easy to catch her but that was after she had hurriedly eaten the bread that she took. And while she had been successful with getting away, an adult took to physically hurting her when they had caught up with her again.

She limped back to the alley where only children like her could fit, cradling her right arm to her as it slowly changed color to violet. For being so young, she took it well in front of others but the moment she was alone, she completely broke down crying.

_I just wanted to live._

Wallowing in self-pity as she held her broken forearm, she didn't look up when footsteps approached her.

"Are you going to hurt me too?" She told the person who stood a little ways away. Her voice was tiny, afraid.

She was already wounded, what if this person did the decisive blow that would finally kill her? She didn't want to die. She still has to prove that no matter how much of a rascal she was, she wasn't going to let death take her. Not like it did to other people, not like it did to four of her group.

"You knew you were going to get hurt if you had targeted that place." It was a woman's voice, sounding disconcerted about her and the reason for her actions.

"So, what?" She muttered, unable to say the real reason as she clutched her arm. _She's just going to hurt you like the others. There's no reason to tell. Adults aren't to be trusted,_ was the reasoning she told herself to keep her mouth shut.

"Why did you do it?"

"..."

Dark clouds rolled on the sky, soon turning the scorching heat of the afternoon into dreary weather. Droplets of water first fell, one after another until a heavy rain was pouring. It didn't take long for the two of them to get soaked and immediately, the girl started shivering. Accompanied by her wounded arm, she could only think of it as the worst day of her life.

The woman, tired of her not answering and the rain that had come opened the umbrella that she held by her side, sighing loudly.

"You know..." she started, combing through her hair to prevent some of the water to get in her face. "There's nothing to be ashamed of living your best to survive. Whether it be to steal, hurt, or throw yourself in front of others to protect someone. Everyone has their reasoning for the things they do."

The girl didn't know where the woman was going with this so she only bitterly listened on.

"That person who hurt you, they only worked for that store. The owner was away and people gossiped about how cruel the owner can be when it came to thieves like you. So they did _that_ to warn people like you not to go back there and try what you did again. Or they did it for the hell of it."

She flinched, covering her arm as she once again remembered how painful it initially was when that rod hit her. It still hurt, but it came down into a dull throbbing now.

"And then there's you, a girl who had nothing on her back but her clothes and still did what she did. Maybe you did it because you have no choice or else you'll starve another day. Maybe you just did it for the hell of it too."

The woman turned around and started walking away, then she suddenly stopped. She said over her shoulder, "Just so you know, I'm not making excuses for either of you two, but I think that people who do bad things even if they hurt someone else or themselves for it are the worst **scums** that have ever lived."

The word 'scum' struck a chord in her. And she wondered, whether things would've been different if she hadn't resorted to stealing. What if she had tried to work for food instead of taking the easy route and robbing people of it. There were many, many instances where she took from the poor like her. Sometimes, they were even worse off than her.

If there was an object out there that showed her how many she had involuntarily hurt because of her actions, how many would it have shown?

One? Ten? _A hundred or so?_

Deep inside, she already knew the true scum was her. Still, that one thought from before ran through her head. It was a flimsy excuse but it was the one thing that drove her to do the things she did.

_"...I just wanted to live."_

The woman, having already started her walk out of the alley paused in her steps. As the rain continued pouring, the girl heard nothing but that for awhile before the steps resumed. This time, they were heading towards her. Then, as the woman stopped a few feet away, suddenly, the rain wasn't coming down on her anymore.

She looked up and at the face of a lady who gave her a small gentle smile. She was reaching out to her in one hand while the other held her umbrella above the girl's head, shielding her from the weather. And she recognized her, as that woman who owned the small clinic by the outskirt of their town, living in a 'witch's house.'

And the 'witch' said to her,

_"Let's treat your arm."_

* * *

The girl sat uncomfortably on her legs, watching as the 'witch' named Hika (秘花) went around her tiny house to gather the things she needed to take care of her wounds. She sat by the fire the other made, still holding on to her arm which now had an even darker shade of violet.

She didn't know whether to trust the woman yet. But she had been known to cure illnesses that even doctors cannot cure themselves. It was... a weird thing to know but nevertheless, whatever it was that she does to heal, it was _effective._ She didn't want to have to spend a long time nursing her bruise. It hurt way too much for her too get used to and it'll make trying to get a work too hard.

...yes, she decided to work. Being told about the reality of her actions makes it hard to bear and grin through the things she had gotten accustomed to. So now, she was back to not having any means to eat and the only way aside from begging that she knew would make her money was to work.

What kind of work though? Well, she's going to have to figure that out on her own.

When Hika had come back, she held different kinds of vials with different kinds of contents. They were... weird looking and something the girl had never seen before. Were _those_ the things she used to heal all those other people?

She looked skeptical as the woman began mixing ingredients unto a small bowl (which then sparked a fire to form but was fortunately put out).

"Are those going to help?"

"Are you going to be a critic of mine and not drink this and also go back with that bruise still on you?"

"..."

"Yes, I thought so."

She added one final ingredient into the mix, a root of sorts, and it didn't seem it was going to dissolve in whatever it was that she made. So, it was just sitting there right in the middle. Although it _was_ making this pretty pink color spread to the rest of the green liquid.

Hika then handed the bowl to the girl. "Now drink."

She was still skeptical about it. But nonetheless, she accepted it and took a hesitant sip. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. She must've made a face because the older woman gave her a small glare so deciding she didn't want to be force fed, she gulped and drank it all in one go.

_Bleh._

It didn't do anything, or rather, she didn't _feel_ anything so the other motioned with her head for her to look in her arm. A little unsure still, she did so, and she saw that there wasn't a horrible looking purple bruise in her arm. She looked over it in amazement while the woman showed the barest of smile, fixing the both of them some tea.

It was just that one moment that the girl was truly amazed by something someone had done to her before. She was always just getting hit or yelled at. But this person in front of her _helped_ her.

She wouldn't have admitted it outright, but that was the day that Hika had grown a tiny speck of special place in her heart.

And it seems as if she wasn't the only one feeling that way, because many months later, the girl continued to go back to the woman's tiny little home all the while sporting small bruises, cuts, scrapes and such. It was all little inconveniences that she either got from bumping into things or tripping but she would, _without fail,_ come running back to Hika.

She just wanted to see those heal almost instantly. It was sort of magical, so she was pretty intrigued.

Meanwhile, the 'witch' knew otherwise. She may not be all expressive and sometimes her thoughts would wander, but she knew that the other was growing fonder of her. And usually, she would ask for whatever payment her customers could afford, but for the girl, she hadn't even asked for a single thing.

Maybe... her heart was _also_ growing fonder of the other.

The one thing that caused the first major change in the girl's life was when Hika had decided to take her in.

* * *

"What?"

The woman set her tea down and regarded the girl in front of her as she stared at her, her mouth slightly agape. She had recently turned eight and she decided to celebrate together by cooking for the girl. Perhaps it was the worst time to mention her decision but she couldn't think of any better day to say it to her.

"I said that I'm taking you in."

She wasn't giving her a reaction that said that she liked the idea though.

And it was true, because currently, inside the girl's head, she was thinking of how things had gotten to where they were. She hadn't _thought_ of moving in with anyone or _them_ adopting _her._ She was a rascal, just some poor girl living in whatever place offered her shelter from the rain or heat or cold. She born without a place in the world, and this woman in front of her was obviously given a purpose in life. Unlike her who had nothing.

"I..." she hesitated in answering, feeling uncomfortable as Hika just gave her one of her patient stares, waiting for her. The other didn't have to wait long though as the girl blurted out a "No."

The brown-haired woman just blinked slowly in response and she took that as her chance to explain her answer.

"You're too different from me and I didn't want to bother you. And I liked living in the streets (that was a total lie). I have a job in a bakery and although I barely make anything, it's enough for me to feed myself. Besides, you constantly have patients that you tend to and they sometimes have to stay so that you can watch over them. I don't want to have to rob them of their place to rest when I can simply just sleep outside and-"

She trailed off as the woman started putting away her empty cup, a look of disappointment clear in her face. It was the first time she had seen the other look so dejected that she struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. Because the truth is, _she really wanted to stay._

But she felt that the two of them are way too different to live in the same world.

Abandoning the small desert that the woman had made for her, she quickly stood up from her chair. While avoiding looking at _her,_ she muttered a small "I'm sorry" before she was quickly out of the door.

Hika may not have succeeded in making the girl say 'yes,' doesn't mean that she was going to give up. She wanted a better future for that girl and she believes she isn't going to get that unless she was out of the streets.

With that in mind, the woman decided that she will show her just how serious she was in giving her a better life.

* * *

The girl didn't come by as often as before to the clinic. All of a sudden, she can handle all the small wounds she got, different from when she had been whining about it to the woman. But every now and then, she scrapes would get a bad infection, a bruise would grow too painful, and she would come back to get it healed.

Every time, she was greeted by the woman with a warm smile as she prepares food while nursing the girl's wounds.

The first time it had happened, it weirded her out. For the time that she had known her, Hika very rarely showed emotion aside from the small smiles and annoyed looks. It was definitely a change and it made the girl feel a little warm inside whenever the other did it.

She would still run away right after she had gotten her fill of food and her wounds healed. But when the woman had first told her that she was going to take her in, the girl had that thought now planted in her head and she would constantly think about it.

Like, how bad could it be?

And then slowly, she grew out of her discomfort at the thought and came back to the clinic for small reasons once again.

It wasn't long before Hika's kindness had touched her heart once again and she decided to stay.

* * *

If there was one thing that Hika liked doing, it was reading, the girl had noted. She always had a book in her hands whenever she wasn't doing anything special. And the books she read ranged in different thickness. She had taken a peek on one of them and the jumbled up words she saw was just making her head spin. How can people cram such tiny kanjis in a single page? It hurt her eyes just looking at them.

Now, that wasn't to say that she didn't enjoy them. It was actually because she couldn't _read._ Nor write. She grew up not knowing how to, so she didn't see the importance of them. So when the woman found out, she was surprised.

"You really cannot read? Or even _write?"_ She had asked, her eyebrows long since have merged with her hairline from how high it had gone up.

She fidgeted in her seat. _Was it really that strange?_ "...yes?"

"Not even your name?"

"I don't have a name."

Hika's mouth hung agape, and she muttered, mostly to herself, "N-Not even her..." She pinched the bridge of her nose, an occurring thing that she does when she starts thinking to herself. She stayed that way as the girl continued eating her food, just watching her.

Before long, the woman stood up and went to another room. She came back after a few moments and she placed down a large scroll on the table and pushed away the food unto the other end of said table. Opening the scroll, she took her brush, dipped it in ink, then started writing. She finished briefly but the way that she had written down whatever it was so graceful.

The brown-haired woman then showed her the parchment.

**玉艶**

She scrunched up her eyebrows. "What is this?"

Hika pointed at it and she explained what each kanji had meant. When she had finished, the girl's eyes was wide.

She traced the first kanji with her finger, the same way that the woman had shown her how to write it. It was the kanji for 'Tama,' the very same name that Gin had given her back when he was still alive. It wasn't read the same way as Tama but was instead 'Gyokuen.'

All of a sudden, she wanted to keep the name for herself.

_Gyokuen. The shining jewel._

It was too girly for her own liking, but she could admit that she could see herself being called that name in the near future.

Ahh... she wasn't too good at holding back her tears, was she? Because Hika was quick to notice. She asked, "Do you not like it?" and the girl quickly shook her head, knowing that it was the exact opposite of what the woman had thought.

"No, I like it. I like the name Gyokuen. Thank you, Hika."

The woman shared the smile that the girl had given her.

"No problem, Gyokuen."

Once again, she had a name. And this time, she promised to hold on to it.

* * *

The weeks after that was spent further teaching her how to read and write. It was a grueling process, for not only Gyokuen but also for Hika. The girl didn't like learning, but she was told that she has to as reading and writing are basic necessities for anyone. And in their time were women are looked down upon for learning, it's even more important for them to prove others wrong.

That wasn't to say that she disliked _all_ the things she was being taught. In fact, she liked history most of all. Especially those that involved other countries. It was just something about the culture that each country has that has her deeply interested in them.

Ah, of course, even she knew how boring such a topic was to other kids.

Whenever she mentions about how a king from Parthevia was dethroned by his own wife and their oldest child taking on the throne only to become the most pacifist ruler unlike the high hopes his mother had for him to not turn like his coward father, the kids always seem to yawn the more she droned on.

Like what part of the mother now trying to dethrone her own child to replace him with his youngest brother who actually had a knack for burning people alive is _boring?_

...

Alright, so _maybe_ she was just interested in the gory stuff but _still-_

This slow teaching and learning process continued for months until the girl had gotten used to it to the point that it had gotten monotonous at times. And maybe she gets a little annoyed with doing it everyday but hey! She can write sentences now! There's barely any kanji in there and she still couldn't read at a fast pace like Hika does, but that's a good achievement to reach.

If she wasn't out and about working in the bakery, Gyokuen sometimes helps out in the clinic too. It was weird at first, seeing the people she either previously stole from or had gotten into fights with and them being surprised too. But she found that she liked helping them heal, if only just a tad bit. She still messed with those who she didn't like, maybe making their tea a bit bitter for their sweet tooth or stabbing them with a needle without warning. But as long as Hika didn't find out, it was all good.

Until she did, and the dark blue-haired girl was stuck with chores for the next few days.

All in all, she enjoyed it and she managed to sometimes make friends.

Slowly, Gyokuen got used to her peaceful life. But that soon changed when she came back to the place she now called home to find that the woman who took her in, _who changed her life for the better,_ was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Gyokuen dropped the bag the contained the bread she had brought home from work. From beneath her sandaled feet were broken shards from a vase that Hika kept by their doorway. The pristine wooden floors that the both of them cleaned religiously everyday was riddled with scratches and mud. And the warm dinner that the woman promised to make for her that day was still in the state from when the other had been preparing it.

Their _home_ was a mess, and with the woman gone, it couldn't be ruled out by her simply just leaving for a stroll.

From the group of people behind her, an old woman, the neighbor she had gotten used to seeing for almost two years now, stepped forward.

"She was taken, by soldiers. We heard them saying that she was going to be taken as a personal doctor for the Queen." She clutched in her hand a handkerchief she used to wipe away her tears. She looked more distraught than Gyokuen herself, but the girl was barely holding in her own tears. "It's... it's unlikely she's ever going back."

"...when?"

"Huh?"

"When did they take her?" The girl, not turning to look behind her, repeated in a small voice. It was the first time she had spoken when she had found out what happened. And with that crack in her voice, the people around her didn't need to see her face to know how she felt.

The old woman hesitated for a moment in answering but eventually, she said, "A few hours prior. They should be long gone now."

Hearing that, Gyokuen didn't hesitate to start running for the town's gate. The one thing that was fueling her to keep going, even as she had tripped, fallen over, bumped into people, was the desperation that gripped at her heart.

She didn't want to lose anyone important to her, especially Hika who had basically like a mother to her than anyone else was. She was that person who always welcomed her back to their tiny little home with a smile on her face. She was that person who taught her the things she know now, even when she hadn't liked doing it.

She didn't give up on her. Even after the stupid things she had done.

_Gyokuen wasn't going to give up on her now either._ Not when the woman needed her the most. The others may have been scared to go against soldiers that the king himself had sent but not her. Even with her small body, _even with her weak strength_ , she wasn't afraid to take them on.

They're not going to take Hika. They're _not going to._ She refuses to lose someone important to her.

When she had crossed the gate and into the road that lead to outside, Gyokuen didn't stop running. Even when she had broken her sandals and was now running bare feet in the mud, the cold rain pouring down on her.

She didn't care. She just wanted to get the woman back, the one she had been hesitating on calling 'mom' a few times now. Why had she always stopped when she was in the middle of saying it? Why didn't she just push through, despite her embarrassment? Would she had been happy? Now, she was regretting it. If she doesn't get her back, there would be no more instances of her getting to say it. And it was just of those thoughts that scared her most than losing her to death. Heck, not getting to see her ever might as well be like her getting killed.

But her hopes dimmed all the more when she had tripped. She fell harshly on her hands and knees on the mud. Gyokuen didn't know how long she had been running for, but her feet felt raw. It must've been a long time since she had stopped too as she had trouble breathing.

She moved to wipe away her tears as more and more fell from her eyes. Was it the rain that was running down her cheeks? Or was it really her tears? She hadn't cried as much before so she had no idea.

All she knows is that _it hurts._ It terribly hurts. Her heart feels like it was going to break apart from how painful it was as reality set in. Was that it? Was Hika really gone now? Was she really never going to see her again?

Perhaps, what was more painful was the thought that her mom was really gone from her life now.

All Gyokuen could do was scream out at the heavens.

_Once again, someone important to her was taken away._

* * *

She must've past out at some point. When she had came to, it was at the familiar ceiling of her 'home'.

Whenever she had woken up to see the same wooden ceiling all those times ago, she gets so happy that she tears up. Sometimes, she just stays in bed for a little bit, still unbelieving that someone had liked her so much that they took her in. Now, her eyes were tearing up for a different reason.

Watching her was the same old woman from earlier. The girl vaguely recognized her as Kenko (賢古), she came in once for her hurting back. It was normal for an old person, but Hika had insisted on helping her. Gyokuen wondered why she was there when she had placed a damp cloth on her forehead.

"What happened?" she croaked out, her throat feeling unnaturally raw.

The old woman showed her a sad smile before she had explained.

When she had ran away, everyone from back then knew that she was going to chase after the soldiers that had taken Hika. They knew that she wasn't going to catch up to the carriage that they had used, but they were worried that she would've kept running anyway. And they were right. They found her hours later; far, far away from the town gate where she had passed out in the rain and harboring a very serious cold.

Oh... she had gotten sick.

Gyokuen wiped away her tears after the woman had finished. She found it embarrassing that someone else had seen her cry. But the Kenko hadn't mind. Instead, she took the girl in for a tight hug. She may not know what the other was going through at that moment but having been neighbors, she knew Hika as well. And seeing a friend get taken with the possibility of never meeting again still hurts.

Perhaps the dark blue-haired girl realized this, because moments later, she returned the hug and it wasn't long before the old woman found her top soaked with tears.

* * *

Gyokuen didn't know what to do. It was the middle of that night and her thoughts had been keeping her awake. You would think that her cold would aid in that, but it didn't.

She really didn't want to leave Hika at the Palace where she was being taken. But there was no way that she was going to meet her unless she goes there by herself.

She had read about it in one of her books before. The Palace was at the capital of Kou at the far, far north named Rakushou. And their town was at the edge of the country. It was as far as it can be, and she had no way of travelling that distance on her own. Not to mention was the fact that she was poor.

She lived a comfortable life with Hika, and although they have enough to buy ingredients to cook their own food, they were happy. That was the kind of life that she gotten accustomed to. She still has her job and that would be enough to keep her fed but would help in getting to the capital?

Gyokuen was stuck at that thought for a while. She knew she had to leave their town and get to Rakushou to get the woman back but for the in-between, she had no idea what to do.

That is, until she remembered the caravans that travel from the capital to towns at the outskirts of Kou to trade. Surely, they would be able to help her, right?

...It would take a while. But she would have to find a way to earn more money for that caravan to let her go with them.

* * *

After her cold had disappeared (and thanking Kenko for taking care of her), she set about looking for a second job. She found a small restaurant that was willing to pay her if she helped out now and again with menial chores. She accepted the job and now, she worked helping bake at the local bakery and she worked cleaning dishes plus serving food to people.

It wasn't to say that she was good at both jobs. In fact, she seems to get into a lot of arguments with adults at her second job. They were just so rude to her, belittling her just because she's... _little._ But that's no valid reason to be mean! So, she was mean back to them. It was common for her to get into trouble and after only working for a few days, she was told not to come back.

She realized that if she wanted to get money, she would have to swallow her pride and just fake pleasantries with other people, even if they were the rude ones first.

_For Hika,_ is the phrase that she repeats in her mind to hold herself back.

She found another job, and this time, it was at a different restaurant. And whenever people were rude, she tries to smile as best as she could and bear with it. Gyokuen had went through verbal showdowns for the majority of her life but she didn't know that people's words could be so sharp when she can't do anything about it. She just had to smile.

And all she really could do was sometimes cry a little in the back alley after every time she finishes her work.

While at that job, she met a girl her age. She was Shuku (淑), the youngest daughter of the couple who owned the place. They first met when the other had just been hired, and she was that girl who stood out because she often tried helping but always just ended up making a bigger mess in the first place.

Gyokuen had never heard someone say 'sorry' so much in a small amount of time. She finds her a little pitiful about it. So, one day after getting told by the adults working there that she needed to back off, the dark blue-haired girl decided to talk to the girl for the first time.

* * *

"Hey."

"H-Huh?" The girl looked up from where she had been previously staring at the ground. She found her sitting on a barrel outside, unminding as people went past her as they go about their day. She recognized Gyokuen when she had come near. "Oh... hi. You are... Gyokuen, right?"

"Yes, and you are Shuku."

She smiled slightly. "Uh-huh. What brings you to me?"

"Do you always do that?" She asked, not really knowing how to beat around the bush. She was always used to being upfront with the things that come into mind. She was a little worried whether the other would be annoyed with that but she just seemed a little confused at most.

"Do what?"

So, she just continued. "Break things, anger customers, _you know."_

"Oh... yeah." She looks down again and starts fiddling with her ponytail, her dark green hair easily half her form in length. "I am way too clumsy. Everyone thinks so as well. I really try to help but I always just mess up. Did a dish went flying in your direction earlier?"

A dish _did_ and it _did_ stain her clothes a little but she's not going to comment about that.

"I'm sorry..." She still apologized for it, even though she didn't know, and Gyokuen immediately assured her that it was fine. She didn't care, after all. _It was just a stain._

"Just keep doing your best." Shuku looked up at her, unsure of where she was getting at, but the girl didn't mind her and continued what she was saying. "You mean no harm to anyone. I only _just_ met you and even I can tell the things that you do are out of good will. It's annoying when you keep breaking dishes since I tend to get tasked with cleaning that but-"

She stopped talking when all of sudden, the green-haired girl hugged her and stayed that way for a bit.

"Thank you. You're too kind, Gyokuen."

_Said Gyokuen was getting awkward. And would like for you to stop now._

She didn't. So, she herself had to pull away on her own and the other turned a little embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry!"

"Now stop sulking and let's go back inside. I'll help you clean dishes."

"You don't have to, I-"

Gyokuen gave her a look, "I _insist."_

"O-Okay..." That made Shuku relent and she hopped down from the barrel she was on. From there, she followed after the girl and they spent the afternoon working around the restaurant.

* * *

Gyokuen didn't count for her and Shuku to be fast friends. She just wanted to talk to her because she pitied her but then she realized that she enjoyed the girl's company. Sure, the constant sorry's, spilled drinks, broken plates, and messed up food are annoying. But like she had told her before, 'she meant no harm.' She just wanted to help, destructive she may be.

The girl was also pretty observant of things. It didn't take her long to figure out that she was working a lot for a girl.

"Gyokuen, do you not have parents?"

"No."

"Then why work so much? You always go running here come afternoon time. Did you have another job?"

"I do."

Shuku went quiet when she realized that she wasn't going to get a more elaborate answer. But that didn't mean that she stopped asking her questions. She has another one and this time, Gyokuen was a bit hesitant in answering.

"Are you saving up for something?"

She stopped her scrubbing, staring at her immediate reflection of her sad expression in the sudsy floor. She remembered Hika again. She was the main reason why she was earning money in the first place. Shaking her head, she continued what she was doing.

"...I am."

And that was all she said. Shuku didn't ask anymore.

* * *

Just a few days of her starting her new work, the caravan that she was waiting for showed up for the summer. The sun was high in the sky when Gyokuen caught word of them already being there and she didn't waste time to excuse herself from work to meet with them.

They had set up on the market place where people flocked to trade with them. She had to push through the throngs of people before she could even get to them. And when she did, the first thing she said was,

_"Take me with you!"_

The people around her hushed into silence. Some of them recognized her as that girl that the witch, Hika, had left behind when she got taken to the Palace. Ignoring their looks of pity, Gyokuen was determined to get the caravan to take her with them. But they didn't want to.

_"Do you have money?"_

...she doesn't. And she doubted the few bronzes that she had in her name was going to be enough.

She left, disheartened.

Gyokuen would be damned if she gave up though. After getting home, she refused to feel like there was no hope. They could just come back the same time next year, and she would try again. Before that, she would try her hardest to earn as much as she could.

Because of this, often times, Shuku happened upon her sleeping during her break when she should be eating. And at her job in the bakery, she went earlier in the mornings so that she could help bake for the people that would come there early on as well.

It was tough, her only support coming from her elderly neighbor Kenko and her friend Shuku, but she tried her best to push through.

That year, she celebrated her birthday alone, and the months after, _the caravan was back._

* * *

"Take me with you now!"

That was the first thing that Gyokuen told the same people from last time. She was determined to have them let her go with them this time. She didn't want to wait for summer to come again next year. It was too long of a wait to endure. Who knows what those royalty were doing to Hika? She was sure they were making her do horrible things.

But again, that same leader from before, told her off with a simple, "No."

"What? But I have money now!" She does and she showed them a sack that held all the gold that she has on her. She saved up quite a lot from working. And in that year, she had a lot. "See!"

The man merely took a glance at it before he went back to what he was doing. "That is still not enough."

That confused Gyokuen. She asked around. She was sure that a handful of silver and a few gold were enough. People told her so. _One of his workers_ told her so! "But it should be!"

"No, brat."

"But-" She went to protest but he stayed firm.

_"No."_

"But.. But why?" Gyokuen was on the verge of tearing up. She didn't understand why. She clearly had enough. She worked so hard just so she could have a chance to see Hika. Why was he telling her 'no?' Why can't she go with them?

He didn't answer. Heck, he didn't even look at her. Instead, he turned and began carrying a sack of fruits away. It was clear he was ending things there, but the girl wouldn't want any of it.

"No! Don't ignore me! Why won't you take me with you?" She yelled out, frustrated. She has half a mind to throw the coin pouch at him for simply trying to ignore her. She wanted to cry so bad. He didn't say anything still and the people he worked with were giving her looks of pity but otherwise, were not going over to her side.

That was when she realized that it wasn't the money that was the case.

"It's not because I don't have enough... is it?"

Finally having had enough, the man turned to her, anger clear in his looks. And he told her exactly what she wanted to know. "Listen, _we don't take children with us._ The road to and from Rakushou is very dangerous. We cannot risk a child's life on our travel."

"But I can-!" Gyokuen can pull her own weight. She wouldn't be a bother. And yet again, his answer to her was a clear and firm no.

_"End it."_

* * *

The caravan stayed for a few more weeks after that but still... even after going to them every day, stubborn as she was, they stayed firm in their decision to not take her. Gyokuen didn't understand why, and she kept pestering them even for just an answer to that. Whatever it was, surely she can have a word in it and they would understand her reasoning as well, right?

The answer was still no.

And then, it was time for the caravan to depart.

* * *

Gyokuen is stupid, in a lot of ways, but what made people think that was the fact that she wouldn't take no for an answer. She would always find a way to get what she wanted and that ultimately led to making stupid decisions in return.

Hence, why she was in a barrel.

Today was just one of those days when she was at her most 'idiotic.'

See, even when the leader of the caravan Oku (屋) (she found out his name while she was pestering them) had refused, firmly and sometimes his no was even yelled at her and she just pretended she didn't hear it most of the times, she found _a way_ to come along anyway.

She saw that after they had traded most of the stuff they brought with them, they had a few barrels that were left empty. That was a day before their departure. So, thinking it would be a good idea, she went home, gathered what few of the stuff she wanted to bring and some food plus water, she snuck inside one that same night and stayed there. They carried the barrels to one of their carraiges, and the next day, they were off.

They didn't suspect a child was in one of them. They thought it was just full of some junk they have nowhere to put.

Right now, it was a few days after and the caravan had been traveling, unbeknownst to them that they had a secret passenger along with them. Gyokuen intended for things to stay that way. Until... they found her.

* * *

"What were you thinking!?" He yelled out at her, his face was contorted to anger. "I told you it was dangerous! _I told you multiple times!"_

Gyokuen flinched at that because she knew he was right. And yet here she was, stubborn as all can be, and still tried to go with them. Considering that she didn't manage to get caught for a long time, it was impressive almost. But also _very stupid._

"Boss, it's been days now." Another man told the other, concerned about the matter they have at hand. "We're almost back to Rakushou, give or take a day and we'll arrive."

"We're low on supplies already. We don't have the time to go back to Inchou (隠町)." One other said. And then someone else added, "Let's just take her along. We haven't been attacked by bandits the past few months. It's safe."

It seems like they were really pitying her situation right now. They were right, they were low on food and water and if they headed back to her village, that would inevitably run out. It wouldn't last them on their journey to the capital. Plus, those bandits they were talking about seemed like they weren't a threat to them for a long, long while. It was smarter and better for them if they just continued on.

Their boss knows this, and it shows on his conflicted expression. But he still has more to argue.

"But what if it isn't? Yes, they haven't attacked us _yet_ but who knows when they will?" They went quiet at that, giving each other unsure looks. "I don't want to lose another one after what happened last time. Not again."

"...I promise not to die." If that is what it would take for them to let her go along, then she was willing to promise that. She was good at promises and... besides, "I already promised someone that I would live and cherish the name thy have given me. Hika was my light and I don't want to lose her. I don't want the thought of never seeing her again."

Before she could help herself, she uttered the reason why she was so desperate to journey with them to Rakushou. And just thinking about it, it fueled her even more to beg. "Please! I promise not to be a burden! I'll work! Whatever it takes, just please!"

The silence was overwhelming. No one wanted to speak a word and the longer they hesitated on agreeing, the more Gyokuen was getting nervous. What if they really didn't want her along? What if they just couldn't risk it? Would they send her back to Inchou?

"If she wants to come then let her come." A voice sounded from behind the men and they all collectively looked at who it was.

"Kai (快)!"

She was the boss' wife. She comes along with them and has the job of taking care anything that involved the handling of money. She's always just there but often, she was very quiet and kept to herself. That was why people tend to overlook her presence.

"She's determined, Oku. It's rare to see such fire in someone's eyes, especially a young girl like she is." She walked forward, approaching her husband. "Let her come with us."

Gyokuen looked at her with hope. She was willing to have her come along! Perhaps all she needed was an approval from this woman and they would be on their way. She looked at the man named Oku to see him crumble at a little at her words.

"...alright. But you need to pull your own weight. I don't like slackers in this caravan." He told the girl who gave a them a bright smile at their agreement.

"Yes! I'll do my best!"

Her enthusiasm probably rubbed off on him and he shared an exasperated smile with his wife before he went back to scowling again.

"Now get to work! Clean that barrel you were in!"

"Y-Yes, boss!"

Gyokuen gave a salute before running off to the carriage that held her dear barrel. Finally, she was on her way to Rakushou! And soon enough, she would get to meet Hika again.

She was so happy that she ended up making half the barrel have a mirror finish, reflecting the big grin she had in her face the entire time she scrubbed it clean.

* * *

Gyokuen didn't want to have to disappoint them after they went through the trouble of having another mouth to feed so she tried her hardest to help around as much as she could. She'd be given things to do by the caravan leader and then when she had nothing to do, she would be with his wife, Kai.

She was a nice woman and was very graceful in the way she moved. The people who were a part of their caravan seemed to be afraid of her, though. Even her husband looked nervous that he was going to mess up in front of her.

Someday, the girl hoped she would grow up to be an amazing adult like her.

But their time together was short-lived as, true to the words of one of them, they finally arrived in Rakushou.

* * *

The capital was a lot livelier than Inchou.

There were a lot more people, a lot more stalls, a lot more kids... _a lot more smiles._ It was a big difference to the one Gyokuen had grown up in.

Another difference was the clothes that everyone had worn. She always had seen brown clothing or other variants of it, but the people that surrounded her now were dressed in more colorful ways. Green seemed to be the more dominant but there were pink, red, blue, yellow, and orange in there as well.

She, in her dirty light brown dress and her dark blue coat that were ripped in some parts, stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of all of these colorful people.

For the first time, Gyokuen was ashamed at her current look. What made that embarrassment worse was the fact that people often stared and whispered about her. And the most annoying thing, was a group of girls her age who seemed to enjoy poking fun of her within their little group. They wore cute dresses and their hairs were adorned in ornaments. It was a stark contrast against her own ones.

"What dirty dress."

"It looks like a rag our servant uses to clean dirt off our floors!"

Gyokuen couldn't stand to hear anymore. Before she could stop herself, she yelled out,

"Excuse me!"

That stopped them but irritated looks replaced those mock that their faces previously wore.

"What is it?" The girl in the middle rudely asked. It looked like she was the leader of the pack.

"Can you not be so rude? I'm standing over here." Gyokuen straight up told them. They looked surprised at her head strong attitude and they didn't seem to know what to do at first. It was as if they were used to picking on weaker kids and now that someone else was showing they wouldn't let them have their way, they were at loss for what to do.

They shared uneasy looks with each other before their leader got an idea and said,

"O-Oh? You mean like a rat?"

That was enough to tick her off.

And she shouldn't have. Really, she _shouldn't have._ But the temptation was way too strong for that comment alone that she wanted to punch that girl. How can someone just insult somebody else like that? Was it her own fault that she couldn't afford the same dress that the other girl wore? Did she have to rub it in her face that in comparison, she ranked lower than _her?_

Her anger was probably one of her weak points, and it was an ugly side that she sometimes uses to fight others. It wasn't a surprise that her first reaction was to try and hit that girl.

They flinched away from Gyokuen, seeing as she had balled her fists and looked ready to hit them. And she really wanted to. But before she could, soldiers who were patrolling nearby caught the fight that was about to happen and stepped in before anyone could get hurt.

But they sided with the group of city girls rather a country bumpkin like her.

"Get away from here! Shoo! Before you hurt anyone!"

"Geez, traders these days just bring whoever to our capital. They're always causing fusses."

The dark-haired girl was ready to give them a piece of her mind for that, ready to defend herself and say that not all people who come from the country-side are like that. But the sight of the soldiers made her remember the main reason why she was there in the first place.

_Right. I need to get to Hika and bring her back home._

She didn't want to have to start trouble and be kicked out. Not when she was _so close._ So despite the overwhelming urge to yell, she swallowed her pride, turned on her heel, and ran.

_"Hey!"_

She didn't pay them any heed. The longer she would've stayed, the more the urge to pick a fight would increase. The best she could do for right now was turn her back on them.

* * *

That night, Gyokuen set off to the Palace walls.

She went past the main gate before while she was running, and she stopped to marvel at the huge gate that was the only entrance to the Palace. It was a little intimidating. If your stack ten of her, that probably still wouldn't be enough height to match the gate. It was also shut tightly and heavily guarded by soldiers. There was no way for her to just waltz in there.

So instead, she walked along the wall, looking for an alternate entrance that she could use to sneak inside. She had been at it for quite a while and so far, she wasn't having any luck. That is, until some soldiers marched from around the corner and she hastily dove into some conveniently-placed bush on the side of the wall.

She kept quiet, shrinking to herself as much as she could so that she wouldn't get caught. Her having a small build helped in that and soon, their footsteps faded away and she could heave a sigh of relief.

_That was close._ She thought to herself, relaxing her tense shoulders.

Then, in the corner of her eyes, something caught her attention and when she looked at it, she saw a hole just big enough for her to crawl through. Before she let herself rejoice at her finding, she looked through it first to make sure it led to the other side and wasn't blocked off. It did, with only some shrubbery blocking her way.

She almost punched the wall in her excitement.

But in order for her to fit, she would have to get leave her bag. She couldn't fit it through and when she had crawl in herself. Besides, if she can find Hika as fast as possible, she wouldn't need to carry it around. She can just come back and leaving it there makes sure that she would remember her entrance and use it instead of another way.

With that, she slapped her cheeks slightly to pump herself up and proceeded to crawl through the hole.

* * *

The girl had to be very careful while she walked around. There were barely any people but there was an abundance of soldiers where there must be some place that was important. Sometimes they were patrolling, other times they stood still in guarding.

She was sticking to looking near the walls first before even trying on exploring inside the Palace. It was so big that if she did that first, she was sure to get lost or even caught. She didn't want to risk that so for the time being, she spent a good part of the hour outside.

She was nearly caught one time when she was tiptoeing through a small garden and from around the corner of a small building, an older man appeared out of nowhere. Had there not been another conveniently-placed bush for her to dove into, she was sure to get caught.

Following after the man was a line of other men in identical robes, females with the same clothing, and right behind were soldiers. Judging from the man's clothes and the fact that people walked behind him with their heads bowed, he seemed to be important.

Ahh, what if he was the king himself? If she got caught, who knows what would happen to her?

Despite the slight awe in her, she felt this pang of irritation inside her.

_That was the man who ordered for Hika's capture. He was the one who took her,_ was what went through her head. Perhaps had things been different and she wasn't in a super-secret mission, she would've gone out there in disregard of her own safety and started giving him a piece of her mind. But things _hadn't_ been different, and she _was_ in a super-secret mission, so she held her tongue and waited for them to go through.

Before they did, she overheard a conversation that the king was having with another person behind him.

"My lord, the Queen was terribly feverish again. The witch's magic isn't working like usual."

"She is fine. Kansei (患脆) can get through this like usual. As for Hika, she herself said that she cannot assure that the queen would always be rid of her illnesses."

"But it has been happening for all the time for the past months. If this keeps on, her Majesty might lose her life."

The king didn't say anything at that and instead kept quiet.

Meanwhile, Gyokuen had both her hands covering her mouth to keep from making any noise, her eyes wide at what she had heard.

Hika was in the Palace. That was confirmed and she was so, so close to her now. As soon as the people disappeared from view, the girl didn't hesitate to come running at the way they came from.

And then, _she found her._

* * *

_"Hika!"_

Said woman jumped slightly at her voice and she looked at the girl who was peeking her head out from the edge of the walkway. "Gyokuen..?" she called out in turn, unbelieving at the sight before her.

The dark-haired girl back-tracked the footsteps of the king and his entourage. It took a bit of dodging people but eventually, she came across the room where Hika was in, quietly sitting on her knees with her eyes closed. She was in deep thought, which was why the girl was able to go near her and surprise her.

Though it seemed like she was more surprised at her presence there more than her calling out her name.

"I've come to take you away!" is Gyokuen's chipper explanation, standing up from the crouching position she was in.

"What are you.." The woman watched her climb up the walkway and go near her. But before she could enter the room, Hika's face contorted into a frown and she said, "Leave."

Stopping in her tracks, the girl looked at her confused. "What?"

"I said, _leave."_ She repeated and this time, it was firmer.

Gyokuen didn't understand. Why was she telling her to leave? Can't they go together? Why was she sending her away on her lonesome when they can escape together? "But Hika, I can take you home now. I found a way to get through and we can use that to-"

_"Gyokuen."_ There was a conflicted expression on her face, and she looked away from the girl. "I will not repeat myself anymore. _Leave this place."_

She didn't want to. "Hika-"

"I am disappointed in you." That phrase alone made her stop. The woman knew that she looked up at her. Having someone like that tell you that they are disappointed in you was the worst thing one could say. Especially since it wasn't just adoration on the girl's part but she saw her as a maternal figure. But she didn't stop there. Instead, harsher words came out of her mouth. Her tone was so much more different than the impassive but caring one that she had gotten used to.

"I thought I had taught you well. But a street rat will always remain as a street rat, I suppose."

"...you don't mean that." Tears were pooling at the edge of her eyes and her hands balled into fists at her side. She looked at her who refused to turn her head to do the same with hurt, but mostly anger.

"I do. I regret ever taking you in. Now leave."

Frustration fueling her tears to come out, she took a shaky step back from the woman who refused to look at her. It was as if her entire world she was so desperate to keep together after Hika was taken away, suddenly crumbled under its own weight.

"I worked so hard." She told her, trying her best not to let her voice be so shaky due to the sobs that threatened to come out. _"I tried so hard,_ I wanted to see you again so badly but you're just pushing me away."

She was back right where she had started. Hika had become her light for the time that she had known the woman. She looked up to her as her mother and even when she had hesitated in calling her that, it didn't mean that she didn't want to. And now, it was as if this person in front of her was a stranger.

It hurts.

_It hurts way too much._

Turning on her heels, she began running away. This time, she didn't care where she ended up. She didn't care whether she was caught or not. Heck, she didn't care if someone were to hurt her. All she wanted was to get away from 'her.'

Eventually, her senseless running ended in a garden. Like how it was when she had tried chasing after the carriage that took Hika away, her tripping was the sign that told her that enough was enough. There was no turning back time. And just like back then, the reality had hurt way too much.

All of the memories they shared together; their first meeting, her eighth birthday, the first time she hugged her, all those times she welcomed her warmly back home. It was all suddenly too much too bear. It was supposed to be the happiest that she could remember fondly. Instead, she was disgusted at all of it.

Why did she have to be happy if it wouldn't even matter to 'her' in the end?

Pushing herself up from the ground, she watched with her vision blurring the endless drop of tears as they hit the grass. One by one by _one,_ until she could no longer see anything. It wasn't long before her sobs turned into outright cries.

For the first time in a long, long while, she was crying her heart out to the heavens. She looked pitiful, and she didn't care that she does. All she wanted was the pain to go away and crying seemed like the only thing that helped.

Frustration, anger, sadness; all of it were let out.

"Why! Why, why, _why!_ "

Curling up to herself, she could only ask that. She didn't understand why Hika was like that. Why did she turn her away? Why did she want nothing to do with her? Why did she change? Was it because she wasn't good enough? Maybe it was because she was lying to her all along. That she took her in not because she wanted to help her but because she wanted to deceive her into thinking that she was a good person before taking all of it away from her.

And maybe she was _right._ She was just a street rat that deserved nothing in the world. She started out with nothing and that woman probably thought that she should disappear with nothing as well.

_All she wanted was to be happy with her._

Now, all she had felt was betrayal. The one person she held in such high regard just decided to throw her away like that. Their time together was short, but she had become so important to her. Having been betrayed like that, all of sudden, she didn't know what to do.

Her cries slowly turned down until it was back into sobs. But that didn't mean that the pain lessened any further. It only worsened as time went on.

* * *

Deep into the evening, he was just biding his time reading. It was the only thing that kept him occupied before bed so one can say it had been a favorite thing of his to do. Usually, it was a quiet night but for that time, it was... louder than usual. And it wasn't just the crickets being unusually loud, it was a different kind of sound.

It sounds like crying, almost.

Sliding open the door, he looked around the empty hallway and he tentatively took a step outside his room. The closer he walked towards the source, the louder it got. Until eventually, he stood in front of the doorway and before him was someone who was angrily pulling out the grass from around her. She continued at it while crying before quieting down and curling up to herself.

Ahhh... what was he supposed to do in that situation? Approach the stranger? His teachers taught him better than that. _Always be careful,_ they say. Who knows what they would do to him?

...

Then again, she looked like she was tinier than he was. What was she even capable of doing?

Making up his mind, he took a step forward towards the girl. First taking steps one after the other before he slowly gained confidence in his gait that he would be fine until he stood a slight bit away from her.

"Are you alright?"

Perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say. Because immediately, she stopped her sniffling and immediately started wiping away her tears. Then, she looked up at him with an accusing glare but said no words. It was as if it was his fault that she was caught crying.

He resisted the urge to sigh. Or do anything that might make her attack him. It wasn't likely that he was going to be hurt but the slim chance was still there. Maybe this girl knew how to throw punches. She definitely seemed like she could.

For a bit, it was quiet. Neither of them said anything. And frankly, the boy didn't know what to do. He spent a few moments just awkwardly shuffling on his feet before he remembered something.

There was always this thing that his father does to his younger brother. It was effective in calming the other down whenever he had fits of tantrum. The girl in front of him certainly looked like she was having the same tantrums so he thought whether it would work on her too.

Slowly, he reached out before dropping his palm in her head. It made the girl's expression morph into surprise and he took that as permission to continue. He was told not to touch girls before he even got married but he felt that it would be an exception that night.

She was sad, there was no reason for someone to cry if they weren't. She needed something to comfort her. So awkward as it may be for him, he continued on petting her hair in efforts to soothe her.

Though it seemed to have the opposite effect on her as she swatted his hand away after realization sunk in and she yelled at him, "Go away!"

_That was rude,_ was his immediate thought. Before he could voice that out, she was already on her feet and running away. She left him there, feeling confused as to why he even tried to help.

_"Prince! Where are you!"_

That sounded like the maid-servants. They must've been looking for him. He probably shouldn't have gone out on a whim like that. Glancing at where he last saw the girl, he hastily called out, "I'm here!"

At that, they exited the building where he had come from and started to dote on the prince, berating him for suddenly leaving his room when it was a dangerous time. When asked what he was doing outside, he had this slight inkling to keep the strange girl's presence inside the Palace a secret.

Her clothes didn't seem to be from someone of noble birth. There would be harsh punishments if people were to find out. She was already sad. Having soldiers looking for her may just worsen things more.

So, he kept quiet on that and merely told him he wanted to see the Night-Blooming Cereus bloom. But he didn't quite get to see such a thing happen that night and was just disappointed.

* * *

When Gyokuen had found her way out of the Palace, it was deep into the night. Due to exhaustion, she fell asleep by the entrance, hugging her bag to herself. And when she woke up, it was to the chirps of the early birds.

Her eyes hurt and they stung when she had rubbed the sand out of them. That's what she got for crying so much but at the time, that was all she could do. Well... _that_ and be angry.

She spent a long time doing her best to meet Hika. But now that she was here, suddenly, she was turned away as if the woman wasn't the same one that took care of her. It was the only thing that urged her every day, _the thought of meeting her._ With that now, all of a sudden, she didn't know what to do.

Along with that was the question: what was going to become of her?

She had no more money to her aside from a few coins. It would be enough to feed her for a little bit but not enough to guarantee her a way back to her village. Perhaps, she should stay, here in this city? But the thought of having to live in such a suffocating and unfamiliar place brings a bad taste to her mouth.

She didn't want that... but what choice does she have?

Letting out a heavy sigh, Gyokuen slowly stood up from where she had been leaning on the wall. She decided that for now, whether they take her with them or not, she would try her luck with the caravan that took her to Rakushou. She was willing to work without pay if it meant that she would be getting back to Inchou.

And so, off she goes down the road, hugging what little belongings she had with her to herself.

* * *

The next time the caravan leaders saw her, was her with her forehead touching the ground in a _dogeza,_ begging to be brought back. They were exasperated with her sudden change of mind.

Gyokuen wouldn't blame them. It was only a day ago that they had gotten there and now she wants to go back? She was wasting everyone's time. Yet she didn't know what else to do but that.

She didn't want to have to stay there any longer.

"Please, I beg you." She pleaded, her forehead not leaving the ground. She didn't mind the stares that she was getting, even the murmurs that were constantly buzzing from her actions. _She wanted to leave,_ and she wouldn't mind doing whatever that she can to do so.

Kai, the person who agreed on taking her there, spoke up amidst the exasperated complaints from her workers. "Tell me, why do you want to go back so much?"

"I just want to go back, _please."_ Gyokuen bit her lip as she spoke. She didn't have it in her to share the real reason why. She'd rather not talk about it. Heck, just being reminded was enough to make her eyes misty.

_Don't ask anymore,_ was her silent plead.

The older woman spoke again, this time her voice was a little quieter as if she had realized something. "Raise your head."

When she did, there was sympathetic look that crossed her features and she re-rolled the scroll that she was holding. Whatever it was that they saw in her face, it was the reason why they took pity on her and agreed.

* * *

The moment that her feet touched the ground of Inchou people started going to her. They started asking questions as to whether she was successful in bringing back Hika. They talked so happily amongst themselves while looking for the woman, not paying attention to her and how she wasn't in any mood to talk.

It was only when they realized that it was only her, and no one else, did they stop their chatter and went quiet.

Again, just like with the caravan, they took one look at her face and suddenly, it was as if they understood.

* * *

_What am I going to do now?_

That was the question she asked herself as she sat at her bed, looking up at the familiar ceiling of that place that she called home.

If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she wasn't about to go back to the streets like before. She was going to make use of that little hut for herself. There were barely any things that truly belonged to her but it's not like the owner was ever going to come back; _she already made that clear._ That house was good as her's.

Another thing, one of the things she learned about herself was that she liked helping people. She can keep the clinic open. She didn't know how hard it'll be to cure diseases like the woman had but she had seen the process enough times to copy what she does. It'll surely be easy... right?

Even if not, she knows how to treat scrapes, bruises, wounds, and such with whatever medical herb she could find in the nearby forest. That was at least a skill that she knows by heart.

She can also go back to her jobs again to earn money. She may have to quit one now since her goal at the moment was to stay fed and not to save up. Then again, it could keep her busy and that's something to consider.

Cooking for herself? No problem. It tends to hurt anyone who tries it but all that mattered was that it feeds her.

...no matter how black it may turn out.

She looked around the place, before slowly, she laid in her bed and covered herself in her blanket.

_This place... we're going to be together for a long time. And until then, I'll do my best to be better than her._

With that, she slowly drifted off into sleep.

* * *

**ten years later**

_People took time to change._

_Perhaps, to work on the flaws that they had. Or maybe even work harder to become the best that they have done. At times, they may have even started a family or grew to have a lot of friends._

_..._

_And at other times, they change for the worst._

_Fortunately, for Gyokuen, it was for the better._

* * *

_"Gyokuen! Come help me with this order!"_

_"Coming!"_

This is her now; with her growing out her hair and braiding it, growing taller than before although she was a little bit on the shorter side, wearing clothes that had a bit more color to them.

It was a stark difference to the way that she used to be when she was younger. She was a lot livelier, happier, laughs more and even a little bit too loudly, and although she was older than her longtime friend, Shuku, she was still less of a lady like the other had grown up to be.

Not that it mattered a lot. If you received a punch from her, you wouldn't think she's ladylike either. Especially since she tends to be stronger at fights.

Ah wait, _fights._ That was one of the things that she never grew out of. She still like fights. Maybe a lot less on the 'taunting' side of things and more on the 'protecting' one. She just tended to help those who needed it and that made her quite well-known.

Currently, she's nineteen years old and still worked in Shuku's family's restaurant. She quit her job from the bakery long ago and just focused on helping around there. She found more joy trying to learn how to cook and serving people she had become familiar with all those years ago. Sometimes, she even met new faces and the like.

She still lived in the hut. With the time that she had spent there, admittedly, it started to feel like it was too little for her. But she didn't want to move anywhere or even be bothered with it.

The clinic wasn't the same as it used to, as well. She tried to recreate Hika's way of creating medicine to help people and their illnesses but... it just doesn't work. There was something else that the woman had been doing that she doesn't know of and that was the reason why her's didn't work.

In the start, it might have already been impossible.

Still, she tried her best to help as much as she could. She's knowledgeable on first aid and she could at least take care of people with colds.

Another thing was that she's become fond of liquor.

If she wasn't at her house or working at the restaurant, she would be at the bar nearby. Maybe even the bar across the street. Or the one three blocks away if she felt like walking for a little bit longer. There, you would find her at the counter and chatting with her friend the bartender or just staying quiet, lost in her thoughts.

Oftentimes, it was Shuku who was tasked with either taking her back home or dragging her away when she was supposed to be doing something more important.

To say the least, her life has had its ups and downs too, but this was the part of her life that she felt like everything was taking place once more. If she was being honest, she was a little scared of what may come at her. Life is funny that way. She doesn't know what kind of heart-wrenching drama she was going to experience next.

She didn't want to lose the life she had worked so hard for, after all. She was already content with what she had.

But life really had a sadistic sense of humor when it came to her. Because years into the future, there was more to come her way and she only had the barest idea of what they are. She wouldn't realize it until it had hit her face and it was already too late to do anything about it.

And the one thing that kicked it all off was when she met _that man_.

* * *

It had been a rainy day, continuously pouring even before dawn until now. To be quite frank, it was a much more peaceful day.

Gyokuen didn't have any work that day so like usual, she was at the bar. If there was someone at the clinic that needed her attention, then she would've have been there, so she was a little happy that there _wasn't_ anyone.

But if that hadn't been the case, she never would've met him, would she?

There were more people in there than usual and she sat by the bartender, quietly enjoying the alcohol when a commotion happened.

There were guys, arguing with each other and obviously drunk with a woman a little ways behind, uncomfortable. Whatever it was that they were doing, it probably involved her in some way. She was often one of the people that tried to stop that sort of things and seeing that others had trouble breaking them up, she decided to lend a helping hand.

...well, that was initially the plan. But that changed when a man brushed past her and broke it up by himself.

It was quite surprising, especially since both parties were throwing punches, and he just went over and separated them like it was nothing. The thing he told them even were ridiculous sounding.

_'You both are disgraces to your family'?_

Who says that to anyone? Actually, to be more specific, what _idiot_ says that?

She was already annoyed before she even marched up to them. The men he had just separated was still riled up but now for an entirely different reason. They were now aiming their animosity for each other to this idiotic stranger. When she got to them, her fist has already landed on one guy's cheek, throwing him off balance and knocking over a table.

The room went silent and they turned to look at her, shaking the hand she used to punch the man. In an instant, there was even more uproar.

"You-!" The other man shouted in rage. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

She dodged him and sent a knee to his gut. He fell into the ground, clutching his own stomach with Gyokuen glaring at him. She was already running off her mouth, pissed.

"What do you think! That is so childish, fighting over a woman and disturbing everyone in this place! How about the two of you duke it out outside where no one would mind, huh!?"

"Miss, hold on." The man from before, tugged down on his hood to reveal his face. He seemed close to her age and had a dark-blue hair tied in a low ponytail with equally dark blue eyes. He had this disapproving face and he carefully worded what he had said next. "There is no need for violence."

"Huh?" Gyokuen was genuinely confused. _What was he on about?_

And as if he had read her mind, he elaborated, saying, "I _meant;_ this can be settled by talk-"

Now she got his message. The confusion on her face was quickly replaced by a scowl. Oh, he _wasn't_ suggesting they resolve things peacefully.

"What are you on about?" She pointed a finger at the man she had punched in the face. _"Idiots_ like this need to be taught a lesson! And the only way they will isn't by talking!"

They clearly weren't in the same page and she got even more mad when she realized that. Both of them wanted to prove each other wrong.

"Yes, but matters may turn for the worse!"

When he told her that, Gyokuen directed her seething glare to the men at her feet, _daring them_ to make things worse. You can see from her eyes that the only thing that'll go horribly wrong was if she laid a hand on them again.

The two quickly excused themselves, immediately booking it for the hills, while the woman they were fighting over hurried behind them. Just as she was passing them, she told them a quick sorry before leaving.

It turned quiet again, as the bar patrons lingered about, unsure of what to do before dispersing themselves.

She turned her attention back to the man who still had that same look in his face. Clearly, he did not agree with her ways. But Gyokuen wasn't about to press it to him any further. Without another word, she turned around, grabbed her umbrella, and exited the bar.

She thought that was the end of it. She didn't want to waste any time on someone she thought was idiotic, after all. She's learned not to associate with them after she got hurt again and again. But for whatever reason, he stopped her that day.

"Wait," he said, grabbing ahold of her shoulder. Before he knew it, his back had hit the wooden floor and his breath was knocked out of him. He laid there for a moment, wheezing before Gyokuen stepped over him.

As she was about to leave, she turned to look at him with a sneer and said, _"Stay away from me."_

* * *

"Wait!"

And of course, he _hadn't_ stayed away.

Gyokuen stopped, before she turned around. Annoyance was clear as day in her face as she glared him. Oh how she wished she had just beaten him half-way to death so that he hadn't been bothering her like this. Actually, it's never too late is it?

"What," was her simple response.

He stood there for a moment, letting the rain soak his clothes before he asked of her, "What's your name?"

She was caught off guard by it and for a moment, she only stared at him in suspicion; her anger, fading slightly.

"Why do you want to know?"

He didn't have an answer for that, instead scratching his chin and giving her a sheepish smile. Ah, well, that's too bad. She doesn't like when people don't give her reasons.

So with that, she turned around blank-faced and started walking again. Honestly, she has better things to do than speak with someone like him. But even after she had made it clear she had no intention of talking, he still chased after her.

"No, no! Wait! I'm sorry! I just wanted to know!" was what he had said. He had grabbed her hand in the process which then prompted her to punch him in the gut for it.

He muttered a low sorry as he bent over, gasping from the attack.

_Once again,_ Gyokuen walked away from the scene. This time, she was desperately hoping that she wouldn't have to see him again or she might actually make do with that threat of beating that crossed her mind.

Ah... but things aren't going to be so easy like that were they?

* * *

Two weeks had passed. The previous events had since been forgotten by the young woman and she was going about her day in the restaurant. It was a busy afternoon, her and Shuku were busy running around with the other waitresses, trying to keep up with the orders they had at hand.

But that was fine, she liked being busy. It just gives her that sense that she was doing something useful instead of lazing about. She liked the bar, and she liked drinking there, but she needed to tone it down. Especially if her long time friend had always been breathing down her neck about it.

On the other hand, the other woman hated times where they had to serve multiple people all at once. She still hadn't grown out of her clumsiness, although it did lessen over the years, and more often than not she messes up orders and even destroys a dish or two.

You would think that spending her whole life in that place was going to make her better at it but it didn't.

Thus, the constant barrages of 'sorry!' here and there throughout the afternoon. When the rush of people had finally slowed down for the late afternoon, Gyokuen was more than ready to sit down. So sit down she did but she could only relish her sweet break for a few moments when a new customer came in.

The hood that the person wore made her squint her eyes at them suspiciously. The simple sight of it had irritated her already but she wasn't one question a customer's quirk. So despite the overwhelming urge to pry, she held herself back.

"Excuse me." A voice called out at her as they sat down on an empty table and she instantly placed a smile in greeting at the hooded man. She stood up and went over.

"Yes, what can I help you?"

From what little she could see that wasn't hidden by the hood, she saw the corner of his mouth curl up in a small smile. He took off his hood and a familiar face greeted her.

"Yes, I would like to order a-"

There was an audible snap.

And before he could finish what he was saying, a plate of food was instantly slapped on his face. Dead silence. All stared as the perpetrator _(Gyokuen)_ didn't make a single move to indicate that she was going to say sorry for the rude act. Instead, she walked away, leaving her childhood friend gaping at her as the plate she had been holding suddenly disappeared and reappeared on the new customer's face.

"HEEEEY!"

Gyokuen definitely got tongue-lashed for hours after that. What kept her going through the hardships of apologizing to her second family was the thought that she wouldn't have to meet him anymore. Because surely he wouldn't think of coming back right?

_Right?_

Indeed, that was the last time she saw the hooded man. Until months passed and she was back to the same scene all over again.

* * *

Her eyebrow twitched at the sight in front of her. She wanted to sigh heavily, already feeling the throbbing of her head much more than when she had previously been suffering from hangover from the night before. She didn't want to deal with this right now.

For a moment, she debated just turning around and walking back to her house.

"Ah, Gyokuen! You're here! Look who came to visit! It's Toku!"

_Nevermind, they already saw me._

Sighing through her nose, Gyokuen turned around from when she was in the process of leaving and smiled. "Yes, hello. _I still remember you."_ Was that vaguely threatening the man? Yes. Did she care? No. But Shuku's parents (aka her bosses) definitely did.

They sent her disapproving looks from behind the source of her irritation and she already knew where things are going. They're going to tell her to- "Get along now."

She resisted the urge to let out an exasperated sigh and instead, forced herself to be friendly. _For once._ "Nice to meet you." You can tell she was ecstatic about all of these. Shuku and her family noticed but the young man in front of her was oblivious, instead, he shook her hand and smiled.

"Likewise, Gyokuen."

Well, now he knows what to call her.

_Ah, she definitely wanted to punch someone right now. Would a certain sir Toku please volunteer himself?_

* * *

He continued on coming back to that town every time he could. The length in-between one visit to another always varied. One time he came back after a month, another in six days, and another three months after. His visits are always surprising, and he made it a habit not to announce when he was to come back.

As the months went on, the two of them grew closer although sometimes, Gyokuen just wanted to choke the man out.

_What was up with him and why won't he leave her alone?_

His constant surprise visits were making her anxious because, often times, he _really_ just surprises her. Whether it be from jumping down a tree in front of her, or appearing out of nowhere, or suddenly, she'll just bump into him.

_It was annoying._ And the fact that he had learned from their first meeting was even more frustrating. He just kept dodging the punches she throws from always getting startled.

An example of this was a few months later.

* * *

Shuku had dragged her into town. It was one of those times in which she did it so that she could have someone to shop clothes with. Ah, but instead of Gyokuen sharing the same joy as the other had in looking at 'cute' and 'trendy' dresses, she had more of an utter distaste for it.

She hated clothes shopping. Especially if it had been for nonsense things to conform with like 'fashion'. She just didn't understand what the big deal was. The purpose of clothes was to keep you comfortable and thus needed to be practical. Yet here they were, looking for irritatingly long dresses that would catch mud faster than they could avoid it on the streets.

See, this is why she liked pants. No matter how boyish it may be, _Shuku._

It was probably when she had rolled her eyes and said 'it's cute' for the umpteenth time did her childhood friend get the message. She huffed at her lack of enthusiasm and nagged her about the joys of wearing dresses before she gave up and waved Gyokuen away, signaling for her to look around.

_"One of these days,"_ she had muttered which was promptly ignored.

So look around Gyokuen did. And it was an accident that she had come across one particular stand in the market.

She had just been browsing, is all. That was all that she was doing. She just couldn't help but take a look as they had been shining in the sun, tempting her to take a closer look. So she did as what she was told by her more 'girly' side and went closer to the vendor and his stand.

Though now that she was browsing more closely, she couldn't help but feel that bitter pang in her chest. She was never the type to wear jewelries. She found them irritating if she had worn them and she wouldn't want the feeling of something so valuable on her for the world to steal.

Having had a background in stealing, it was necklaces that people often found easier to steal as they would just have to yank it from their necks and run. It didn't matter whether it had broken off, what mattered more was the fact that the jewel itself was taken and that was more valuable.

Besides, even if she _did_ cave in and bought one for herself, it just wouldn't suit her. Why even bother with owning one? She was content with just looking at all the beautiful ones.

Unfortunately, while she was doing that, _he_ happened to have found her.

She knew it had been strange when a hand reached out from behind her and grabbed the jade necklace that she was ogling at. Before she knew it, a familiar voice was calling out to get the vendor's attention. When she had slowly turned her head, she was met with Toku and his smile aimed at the man on the other side of the stand.

"How much for this?"

It took all of her willpower not to uppercut him for the close distance, but it seems that the strength of her mind was weak that day and she did it anyway. _All to get him away from her._

"Ow!" he yelped, taking a step backwards and cradling his bruised jaw. He directed a pained smile at her. "Nice to see you, too."

Instead of humoring him, she just yelled at him, pointing angrily. "What the hell are you doing!?"

"Buying you this?" He raised his other hand to hold the jade necklace up. He looked up at her in honest confusion. He really didn't know why she had been so angry all of a sudden. When she had cracked her knuckles, he was quick to pale and stuttered out an apology. It did little to calm her down. "It's just that, it seemed like you wanted it. And as your friend, I thought it was the least I could do for you."

_When did we become friends?_

She scowled at the smile he sent her, an eyebrow of her's twitching. _She was just looking._ That didn't meant that she actually _would_ buy it. What was the use for such a thing? It was just,

"-a decoration! That's all it is. I have no need for it."

But despite her fussing, she quickly found the necklace in her hands; its green gem somehow emitting an ominous presence. Something so expensive shouldn't be in her hands, _ever._

Perhaps sensing that she was just going to stare at it until the end of time, Toku offered to put it on her. She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious.

"Why?"

"Well, necklaces are supposed to be worn after all."

"I don't want to wear it."

Without a word, he took it from her hands and motioned for her to turn around. But she planted her feet firmly in the ground, refusing to do so. He sweat-dropped.

"Turn," he insisted but she just continued to glare at him. She didn't want to and knowing that her village hadn't changed since she was young, it was more likely to be snatched from her than if she were to just leave it at home. Really, couldn't he get that?

"If you're afraid that it's going to be stolen, then don't let it."

He said it so flippantly that she wondered whether something was wrong with his head. But... as much as she hated the thought, she was a little grateful for the gesture. People often offered to give her stuff, especially due to her circumstances when she was younger, so she took it upon herself to refuse them. That was the reason why she had been adamant about the necklace, yet he still bought it for her.

Gyokuen saw the price on it, and it was no joke. She could only earn that amount if she doesn't spend on anything for the next three years. That's bad considering all her money mainly goes to food and keeping the medicine shelves she had at home stocked up.

Guilt gnawed on her and the man took that silence to slip behind her and put it on her. She just let him, and the jade felt heavy on her neck. When he was done, Toku stood in front of her once more and admired the necklace. He smiled, that stupid and infuriating smile before he said goodbye.

"I just wanted to see you. But I need to go."

Just like that, he was gone almost as fast as when he had appeared. And he left her there, all too aware of how warm her face had gotten.

* * *

Maybe it had been a gradual thing that she hadn't been aware of it until now. But Gyokuen was hiding out in her house, under the comfort of her blankets as the possibility yet again crossed her mind for what felt like the millionth time.

See, she has all reasons to believe that she had just fallen in love with a certain goof and she didn't know whether to be happy about it or not. But considering what she was currently doing, it was definitely the latter.

She has a suspicion that it had all started when he had bought her that stupid jade necklace. He said something about it suiting her eyes and all. Had she not been flustered at the offer and the fact that he had already bought it before any fusses could be done, she probably would've realized that it was just a ploy for him to take advantage of her feelings.

Shuku always did talk about how her previous lovers were all the same exact type of smooth-talkers, who in the end still left her for someone else. It was the reason why Gyokuen hadn't liked the thought of getting a lover of her own; no matter what the older people tend to tell her about her growing old by her lonesome. _She just wasn't interested at all._

Yet... _here she is,_ worrying over some man that she had only been in contact with for a handful of times.

Honestly, that Toku probably already knew of her budding feelings and was laughing about her behind her back. It was just a ploy to play with her feelings; _a ploy._ That's all that it is. _Nothing else._

...but still, she could not calm the beating of her heart whenever he crossed her mind. Before, she hadn't been aware of it and was confused as to why she had suddenly started becoming nervous around his presence. Whenever he had caught her staring, she would immediately look away as oppose to what she would usually do (which was scowl before turning her nose up at him).

Even at just a mere touch, she would now react violently to it. It was also much more of an exaggeration to her actions before.

Really, how did she not realize what had happened?

"Argh!" Throwing her hands up in the air, throwing off her blanket along with the motion, and she fell back to her bed and curled up. She kept her hands clamped at both her ears and her eyes shut, as if that alone would stop the echoing of that man's voice and the image of him smiling at her.

_That bastard Toku is going to pay for this._

Yet despite that, the next time he had visited again, the punch she was saving up for him never came into contact.

...so much for planning his demise.

* * *

Perhaps the most infuriating thing of all was the fact that Toku didn't seem like he was interested in her more than he was with others. He was kind to everyone, and even when he was rarely in the village, people recognized him and often said hello. Not just that, he wasn't stingy in the least. She would always come across him buying things for other people, just like how he had done the same with her.

That realization made her think that she wasn't all that special to him. For all she knows, he could only be considering her a friend. Really, there wasn't a chance that he felt that same way.

Just as quick as she realized her feelings, she buried them along with any hope that he would look at her the same way she did to him.

Gyokuen had fallen hard, and it seems like it would be so much more harder to pull away when everything Toku did pulled her towards him. Even feelings that she would have liked to be thrown away stuck so much more.

Perhaps the only thing that kept her sane was the friendship she had with him. If he were to... disappear, how much would it have hurt, she wondered? Like her heart was getting ripped apart and there was no way for her to put it back to pieces? Shuku had always been so dramatic with her explanation about love but as silly as it was, it's oddly appropriate to how she felt when Toku had confessed a burden to her.

Why did he had to be such a troublesome man?

* * *

"I'm getting married soon."

It was like her world had stopped spinning. It took all of her power not to show the shaking of her hand. That information was too much. How would one react to knowing the man they liked was to be wed to another? Sometimes she just hated him for being too spontaneous. That information was something he should've told her earlier on; back when they were throat to throat all the time, back when there was no friendship between them. Perhaps it would have been easier to accept.

"Oh yeah? I don't really care. It doesn't concern me."

Toku paused for a split second before he let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, it doesn't." He fiddled with his drink, watching the clear Sake swish with his movement. "But I don't like the appeal of marrying."

"Then why did you agree to it?"

"I didn't."

Gyokuen couldn't help the snort that she let out, raising a brow at the man beside her. "Are you kidding? What are you, some sort of royal?"

He gave a disapproving glance at her and she let out a howl of laughter, surprising herself that she even found his expression funny at that moment. He only watched her until she was calm enough to speak to.

"Are you done?" He asked, unamused.

"Not at all. I can't believe your parents set you up to marry. You're old enough to decide on your own, aren't you? You should be the one who chooses your wife."

For some reason, an indescribable expression crossed his features, something Gyokuen hadn't seen on him before. He was a serious person, no matter how spontaneous he may be when it comes to a lot of things but there are still many faces of his that she had never seen before. The one in front of her looked like he was considering something as he just stared at her.

She could already feel the familiar warm sensation on her cheeks and she hated it so much.

"W-What is it?" She tried to keep her voice from shaking but she still heard it and she was sure that he did as well.

"You really think... that I should choose by my own?"He asked her seriously, holding her gaze with his as it felt like they were the only ones on the bar; like the chatter and noise wasn't even there. "Am I even allowed to choose anymore?"

Gyokuen didn't understand what he was saying about him not being allowed but doesn't choosing the person you are marrying a decision that you by yourself should think about? It isn't something that others get to decide and she may not know how it is with others as she grew up an orphan but isn't that how things should be?

Toku is a great man. And she would love for him to choose her even though she may not be all that amazing compared to other more elegant women. But... that was just a selfish wish. Even if she wanted it, there was no guarantee that he thought the same thing.

That hurts more than anything.

There was a burning sensation in her eyes and she blinked them away, refusing to show how she was getting hurt. Instead, she smiled at him; her first proper smile that she showed him.

She didn't want to say her next words... but she wanted him to be happy more than she does for herself. She was just used to being that one person who didn't get what they wanted. What difference does it make when it comes to Toku?

There are plenty of men out there.

"You are allowed to choose. Please... be happy."

Watching Toku's face lit up ever so slightly at her words, she could feel her heart clench painfully. She didn't even hear his words of gratitude, instead tuning it out in favor of the lively noise in the bar.

She only nodded and smiled, sipping the sake that tasted odd for some reason.

_It's bitter..._

* * *

"Shuku, if Enji suddenly told you that he was going to be married to someone else, per his parents' decision, would you have supported him?"

Gyokuen was out of it and she asked that as she lay upside down in her only friend's bed, staring off into space at the ceiling. She was taking the heartbreak hard, you see, and if she went home with no one to talk to but the occasional patients, she would've gone crazy already. _And it hasn't even been a week._

The other girl instantly froze up from sweeping, her dark green ponytail standing up on edge, and she whirled around with anger clear in her face. "No! Of course not! Why would I!? I love him and if he suddenly said that, I would not be so merciful as to allow him to leave with that other girl unscathed! It's unforgivable!"

Gyokuen only watched her blankly rant off, letting her words drift from one ear to another and taking her time processing the rapid fire that her friend's mouth was doing. She did catch the 'of course not' and 'unforgivable'. Somehow, those two words were all it took for her to realize just how selfless she was.

She should've been more angry at Toku, she should've made more of a fuss, _she shouldn't have wished him well._ But at the moment, she really felt like she wasn't for him. It was clear to her that he held a status that was much higher than a village folk like her. How else would he have had that kind of money at his disposable and even have a fiancée already set for him? He was from a different world than her's and yet, she wanted to stand on the same ground as him.

The nerve of her, right? How dare she hope that she was instead the person who he would exchange vows with?

It had been a long time since she had shed tears so now that she was doing so, even that had felt wrong. What right did she have to cry about something so unreachable in the first place?

"Gyokuen? What's wrong? Why are you-?"

She didn't know what to do but the tears just kept on coming. Even Shuku who was fussing over her didn't know what to say.

She really should've been more angry.

* * *

Gyokuen's mouth gaped as she stayed there, her neck arched as she looked at the young man above her. It was Toku. He hadn't been back at the village for a long, _long_ time. Where had he been all those time?

"T-Toku?" She spoke hesitantly, still couldn't believe her own eyes and said man's smiled widened slightly.

"Good afternoon. It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

She scrunched up her brows at his greeting, like it didn't bother him that he hadn't visited in almost six months. She straightened up and turned around to properly face him. "You idiot, it's been _months."_

"Ah, well, my bad then. I've been busy." Was his excuse before he looked around them at the almost empty restaurant. He had actually caught her during her break. "Where is Shuku? Or the folks? I'd like to say hello to them."

"She's not here. She's at home sick and her mother is taking care of her. Pops went out on an errand." She had an eyebrow raised as she talked watching as the slightly excited look on the other's face was slowly becoming more apparent. What was up with him?

"I see." He nodded his head in understanding before he asked her a question. "Are you free for right now?"

She looked at him in distrust. "...why do you ask?"

"I want to show you something."

"What something?"

He gave her an uncharacteristic grin. "You'll see." With that, he turned around and walked out of the place, leaving Gyokuen there to gape after him before hastily taking off her apron and going after him.

"Wait! What do you mean!?"

He only laughed at her and she resisted the urge to punch him for being vague.

On their way, an oddly dressed man passed by the two of them, his face shielded by a white cloth. Gyokuen had only seen him that once but when he passed them, it was as if he suddenly vanished. She could only think of it for a moment before Toku called for her to hurry and she quickened her pace.

Still, there was a feeling of dread brewing in her stomach. For some reason, she hadn't liked the man that she had seen.

* * *

Before the two of them was a small field of wildflowers. They were a tiny bunch, all were shades of white, and came up to their knees. It was a beautiful sight. Tokuhaku spent a long time leading her to that place, just a little ways away from the edge of the village and when they got there,

"Oh." Was her only reaction.

The young man didn't seem to mind. Instead, he looked even more ecstatic than she was. "Aren't they beautiful? I've seen flowers of all kinds here in Kou but sometimes, simple ones you find in the wild like these daisies are a change as well."

She gets that. Sometimes you just want to see different people from the usual ones you see every day. Though she does wonder, how many flowers had he seen already? She was a little jealous as she could only count the variety she had seen over the years in one hand. "I've been here before."

"Really?" He looked surprised for a second before he looked up, thoughtful. "I guess you would since you live nearby. How did you end up finding this place?"

She gave him a wry smile, remembering back to her childhood. "Shuku found out I never go out unless it was for work or other important things. So she insisted on leading me by the hand and going off on 'adventures.' Eventually, we found this place and sometimes hanged around."

"Oh, I see." He smiled at that and he reached out a hand to pick a lone flower. "I saw this when I was on horse. It was just a tiny speck of white in-between green shrubberies but it was enough to make me curious so I looked where it had come from." He looked a slightly bit sheepish as he admitted, "I wanted to show you right away but you already know of this place."

There was a loud thump in her chest at his words. _He wanted to show her right away? Did that mean that he-_

Before her thoughts could go any further than that and make herself hopeful, she pinched her arm. That did the trick. Somewhat.

As if remembering, Toku looked around them and found a clear space for the two of them to sit. He motioned for the girl to sit beside him and there, he started picking the flowers. "Did you know that I can make flower crowns?"

_No. She did not know that._ "You know how to?"

He nodded his head as his fingers worked on expertly tangling the stems of the daisies, adding more and more flowers the longer he went on. "It was just something I picked up on from seeing kids play around with them. I had to ask them to teach me."

He looked embarrassed but even so, he made the right choice. He was doing so well. Heck, even Gyokuen didn't know how to make those so she can commend people who actually can. And for some reason, a man like Toku making flowers crowns was a sight you don't see very often. It makes her wonder what else can he do?

"Hmm. You may have changed quite a bit."

"Ahahaha..."

Propping her head up on the palm of her hand, she grinned slightly at Toku. "Say, since we're here anyway, teach me how to make those."

He looked surprised at that. "You wouldn't mind?"

She snorted at that. "Of course not."

"I just thought you weren't one for 'girly' activities."

He was punched for that. Even she had her moments where she liked spending her time doing those. She wasn't exactly a tomboy through and through, after all.

Toku was still a little hesitant about teaching her but after a few moments of Gyokuen assuring him that she won't hit him, he relented. And so, they spent the next few hours in the field, creating quite a few crowns in their wake. Half of them wouldn't even be said that they were made from 'flowers' as most petals were already gone during the creation process but for a beginner, although really frustrated at the long and careful task, she was doing pretty good.

Now, if only she could manage to keep the petals on for once. That, and they may have to not come back for a few months at the field to let the flowers regrow.

Then, a question was suddenly raised.

"Toku, are you from some sort of noble family or something? Or at least a prominent one." She had asked that out of the blue, fiddling with what she decided as her final creation for the day. There was about three daisies in the crown that still had a bunch of their petals on in total and that's already an achievement in her books. She's doing well.

Meanwhile, said young man briefly froze before he answered her with a question in a stiff manner. "Why do you ask?"

She looked up at him from her work and through her lashes, she saw his face shift slightly into an uncomfortable one. Before, she never would've noticed the slight changes in his smiles but now, it was easy to see them. "No reason. I was just wondering, since we had the marriage talk and all."

"I seem to remember you asking the same thing quite a while back."

She merely shrugged in response. He was right but she didn't get a proper answer back then. And for the times that she had asked about it again in their meetings after, everything just seem to be conveniently interrupting them or stuff happened to be much more interesting all of a sudden.

He stayed silent after that, but it was only for a moment. It was enough for her to notice that he was hesitating. What could it be about his own family that he refused to talk about?

"I just don't see it as something interesting." Looking at the crown in his hands with a small frown, he finally pushed himself to talk. But it was still just as vague as all the other answers she got. Suddenly, he plopped his creation atop her head. It was crooked, but he smiled at the sight as the white stood out against her own dark blue locks. "I only want people to look at me as Toku and not because of my family's standing."

Her cheeks were burning, and before she could stop herself, she threw the crown she made at his face, surprising him. When she realized what she had done, she stood up and marched away.

"I'm going back."

The young man looked after her confused before looking between the flower crown on his hand and the one that stayed atop her head. He gave a small chuckle and placed the crown on his head and ran after her.

* * *

"Shuku, have you ever had a customer who wears weird robe like clothing and a mask covering his face?"

Said young woman looked up from the plates she was washing, eyeing Gyokuen critically as she dried the newly clean ones from beside her. "No, why? What about that person?"

She looked up at the ceiling, still unable to shake the uncomfortable feeling she had when she had encountered the man. It looked like he didn't belong, almost like he was foreboding some disaster or death like an appearance of a crow would.

_Who was that man?_

Shaking her head, she went back to what she was doing and muttered a "Nothing," to her childhood friend. Shuku didn't look like she was convinced but nonetheless dropped it as well. She would have to look out for someone like that in the near future.

* * *

It was like she was right. That man _was_ foreboding something. And it wasn't just a simple disaster like a strong storm would bring or the like, it was so, _so much more than that._ He brought death, and he wanted everyone nearby to have it.

She had just been sleeping that very same night, and when she woke up, it was to the terrified screams of people shouting, **"Fire!"**

Immediately, she had thrown off her blanket and was on her feet, bursting through the doorway of her home to be met by giant flames rising to the sky accompanied by smoke that was darker than the night sky itself. The fires were quickly spreading and from behind her, the house to her left was already burning and part of the house collapsed, startling her as people hurriedly ran away from the direction of where it was coming from.

There were a lot of people, but a lot of them were still lingering by their own houses, trying to go inside and save their family that was trapped by the flames.

There was grandma, the uncle who often helped her carry patients, that one woman who was always with her daughter, cradling what looked like a corpse in her hands, sobbing hysterically. All the people she knew were either still there or was nowhere to be found.

She felt sick to her stomach as she struggled to process _what the hell_ was happening. She could see the fire going up a nearby mountain. Soon, it would reach the shrine and even she knew that there was nothing people could do but run. Even the clinic that she called home was caught aflame, just mere moments after she had gotten out. There was nothing she could do but watch it burn.

Then, she saw _a strange person_ above all the chaos.

It was that same man, clothed in what seemed like black robes with a white cloth in front of his face to hide his identity and a strange staff held in his hands. But that was not what drew Gyokuen's attention to him. It was because he was _hovering_ in the air with **fire** coming from his staff.

It didn't need to take for a genius to figure out that he was the one who started the village fire and _he was still fueling it._

She didn't know how many people she had seen that lay dead out on the streets, their bodies burned into charcoal and were unrecognizable. Even the scent of the burning flesh was still permeating from all around her. They were _dead._ And this man was behind the fire that _killed them._

Unbridled rage coursed through her and for a moment, she heard a sick _laughter_ echo inside her head. She was far too angry to pay attention to it anymore. All she knew was that she needed to stop him.

There was a building, still standing beside him and the fire was only at the edges of it. She quickly climbed the ledge and grabbed ahold of a rod she found there. Then, she jumped and lunged at the hovering man.

He reacted far too quickly and a burst of flame came her way, stopping her and sending her crashing down on the ground. She heard her own shoulder break before she felt it, then the pain of her skin burning on her other arm followed next. She fought to keep the scream from leaving her.

"Gyokuen, remember this, _she_ will come for you whether you like it or not." That was what left his mouth. He may have covered his face but she can practically feel the sneer he had aimed at her as he spoke. "This was just a stepping stone for that to happen. The moment you have been tainted was the moment that _she_ had started to take control. There would be nothing for you to do but let her."

His words was enough to enrage her even further. She didn't even heed his words. All she knew was that she was going to make him pay for what he did to the people of Inchou.

He had _robbed them_ of their homes. He _killed_ all of those people who were just sleeping soundly. One couldn't have been more of a coward to start a fire in the middle of the night when everyone is off guard and they would least expect it.

He was a man to be scorned and she will never forgive him.

_"YOU BASTARD!"_

Before she had moved, a silhouette of someone appeared from the smoke beside the hovering man and instantly, he was struck down with a large slash on his chest from the sword in his hands. Immediately, the culprit lost whatever magic he used to stay afloat and fell. However, before he could hit the ground, his body dispersed into what looked like black birds and from within them came a wooden doll of sorts.

It rolled in the ground and stopped a little ways in front of Gyokuen as she looked wide-eyed at the man that jumped down heavily into a crouch in front of her. She could recognize that face from anywhere, it was Toku.

She didn't pay heed to the doll. Instead, she pushed herself off from the ground and limped towards him as the rage in her heart dimmed at the sight of him. All of a sudden, all she could feel was relief as tears poured from her eyes.

He caught her in her hands, just as she had lost the strength in her legs. He smiled at her, the same way he always does and he assured her, "It's going to be fine."

_It wasn't fine._ She thought to herself, seeing his burnt off sleeve, showing his arm and the horrible burn marks he had in them. She continued sobbing on him, sorry for what had happened and that everything was her fault but he just shushed her and told her the same assurance he had told her prior as the flames around them slowed down their dance.

* * *

The fire lasted deep into the night and even when morning had come, the mountain above them still had fire spreading along the side. It wouldn't take long for it to reach the top but there was nothing the Inchou villagers could do but pray for rain to come. Even then, that seemed unlikely as the shrine on the same mountain was still in the process of burning down.

Their entire village was burned down in a single night. _All it took_ was just a _single night_ to claim many of people's lives.

_Life is just so funny at times._

* * *

With nowhere to go, the people who had survived the attack fled to nearby towns. It was unlikely they will still see each other again but one thing was clear, no one wanted to go back to the burnt down remains of their village. The scene was too much to bear for most of them and those who had the will to go, only retrieved the remains of their loved ones to bury right after.

There were still many bodies left, and so, _so much more_ left to do. Gyokuen was the only one who stayed, despite Shuku and her family leaving for the neighboring town.

She should've gone with them. But the guilt of knowing that the fire was caused in her name was too much to bear. She didn't want to run away. Rather... her _nightmares_ didn't let her run away. They would haunt her for as long as she lived and to ease it for even just a bit, she wanted to be responsible for what had happened.

So that was what she did.

She stayed in the village with nothing to her name and started the process of burying the bodies of the people who couldn't make it. She buried them right out at the streets, dragging their bodies right out of their burned down homes.

There was a lot more than she thought. For a bit, she was grateful that she couldn't recognize any of them, but she remembered the homes. Knowing that these people are the ones she was so used on seeing everyday of her life was a hard pill to swallow.

_Some of them were so young._

Gyokuen was at it for hours before a set of footsteps coming towards her caught her attention. It was Toku, and he looked just as grave as her. For the first time in a while, he didn't look so prim and proper like usual.

"You should be resting."

"I should be saying the same for you." He had countered, stopping beside her and kneeling to lift the body she was dragging in his arms. She made a move to stop him, but he didn't let her. "Let me help."

"No, _I_ should be the one doing all of this." She insisted, tugging at his arm and freezing when he flinched at her touch. From what she could see of his collar, there were bandages peeking through. She was then again reminded of the burns he himself suffered last night. "...I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I brought this to myself." He paused, looking at the body in his arms with pity and sorry showing in his eyes. When he spoke, it was heavily lined with emotions. "If only I arrived earlier, then..."

The two of them had their own regrets. He should've been long gone yesterday, probably on his way to wherever it was that he came from so she was surprised and also relieved when she saw him again that very same night. He even got hurt for it.

No words were spoken between the two of them, and he took that as his permission to do what he had intended. He brought the corpse in his arms to the middle of the street and gently placed it on a shallow grave that the young woman had already dug. Then, he started to use a shovel to place the dirt above them.

Until the sun had started to set, they continued on burying the bodies. Working silently together. When they were done, it was already dark and they were lining every grave with daisies from the patch at the edge of the village, paying their respects to each one. That was when Toku noticed the item on Gyokuen's neck.

"You're wearing the necklace." He peered at her as she took it in her hands and looked at it.

She found it within the remains of her house earlier that day. She was hoping there would be something that was left that the fire hadn't touched but there was none. Well, aside from the jewelry she currently had on. It was weird. "It was untouched by the fire."

For the first time that day, there was a hint of a smile in his face. He reached out at her and lightly ruffled her hair before turning away. "Let's go. I'll take you back to Shuku."

Gyokuen though took a second to answer. For some reason, what he did was kind of familiar to her. But she immediately shook that thought out of her head and followed after his retreating form.

There was no telling when she would be back at Inchou, but when she decides to do so, she hoped that it would be with the departed's remaining family and soon.

* * *

The ones who were at the same neighboring town were miserable. Even Gyokuen. _All of them were._ Who could blame them? Everything and everyone that they had known died at that fire. There was nothing left. All of their possession, the people they loved, _all gone._ She knew that it wasn't probable that they would come back to their former village.

But for the next months and so, she tried her best to console them, masking her own emotions with concern. She tried hard to get them to go, to see the people they left behind to at least pay their respects to their loved ones. From beside her, Shuku did her best as well.

Out of everyone, her family was the luckiest of all. She still had her father and her mother. Their only real loss was the restaurant they worked so hard for. Aside from a few of their workers who didn't make it, their home was the only thing they lost. In a way, because of that, her childhood friend thought it was unfair compared to others and tried her best to help everyone, as well.

She worked beside Gyokuen even at their new job and nearly everything they were paid with went to feeding most of the people who were still mourning. And it took a while, but eventually, everyone slowly got back up on their feet.

One by one, they followed after Gyokuen and Shuku as they led them back to Inchou. There, they went towards where their homes previously stood and found the graves she had dug with Toku. They were all emotional. But this time, it was different. They were still sad, but there was also relief evident in their faces as they stayed by their departed loved ones. Some started talking and there were others who started smiling for the first time.

But for the young woman, watching everyone slowly start the process of healing, she found that she didn't feel the same thing. Now that her goal to bring them back at their destroyed village was fulfilled, there was nothing for her to turn her attention to anymore.

The guilt was back, and it was heavier than the first time it showed up.

* * *

There could not have been a time more terrible than it currently was.

It was certainly a bad time for an actual introduction, but with all that had happened at Inchou, he didn't want to prolong things any further. Word was bound to come out about him and his true identity. There was a reason why he didn't come back to the village for weeks or even months at the time. He was merely sneaking out of the camp they had and when some of the soldiers started getting suspicious and followed him once, that had been the start of it all. It was the main reason why he had been summoned back to the Palace.

And... he could still remember her words. She was the one who told him to follow his heart, _to make his own decisions._ So that was what he decided to do.

In truth, talking to his father had been a nerve-wracking exchange. He hadn't went against the man for the entirety of his life, then all of a sudden, he was bowing his head to him and begging him to let him choose a wife he deemed more worthy for the throne. It was basically him saying that he wants to choose the person he was to marry. When asked as to whether he has someone in mind, he hesitated in speaking.

_Ahhh, it would be bad if they found out her origins, wouldn't it?_ Was the thought that ran into mind. The King was already mad for he already had a fiancée, but he was then aghast at his silence (perhaps already knowing that he does have someone). He ordered for the immediate retrieval of the woman. That was when he realized there was no going back anymore.

That was how he had ended up where he was; nervous, hands shaking. Faintly, he wondered whether he should've kept his mouth shut instead.

It was at that moment that the heavy set of footsteps outside the carriage drew his attention.

She was here. They found her.

It was quiet at first. Just the two of them gazing at each other with their own conflicted emotions showing on their faces. He could see from her eyes the surprise that they held when she saw him there, prim and proper. It must've been the exact image of royalty that she hated to see. She told him all about it yet here he was. She was right to hold resentment for him right at the very start. Perhaps deep inside, she already knew about his real status as a prince.

And then, as if a dam had been pierced, tears welled up in the corners of her eyes and she broke down crying. He didn't know what to do but to try and console her. She had been through a lot, and it was that man who had caused it.

Months had already passed since they last met at Inchou, burying the bodies of the people who died at the fire. But now that they are together, Tokuhaku was once again met with a side to Gyokuen that he hadn't seen before.

* * *

The travel back to Rakushou was quiet for the most part. She didn't speak, too occupied by her thoughts to do so, and it was up for Toku to fill in the silence by himself. During those times, he was explaining himself.

She found that he was actually a prince from Kou's royal Ren Family and his full name was Ren Tokuhaku. He was the oldest son of King Tokuden (徳伝) and her wife Queen Kansei and he had a brother from Consort Kokushi (酷思) named Tokukou.

Even at her silence, he could her face scrunch up at the names he had mentioned. Knowing her, she was probably annoyed by the fact that there were a lot more Tokus out there. He smiled to himself slightly, assured that there was still 'her' underneath all the self-loathing that she had.

Then, he was surprised when she suddenly talked.

"Why were you at Inchou?"

It was a simple excuse really, but he had just wanted to get away from the camp for a bit. He wasn't allowed out of the Palace so he didn't have much time to spend seeing the people he would soon rule in their natural state, without bowing at him and seeing him as a prince. So one afternoon, while it had been raining, he snuck out and arrived at Inchou.

He posed as a traveler so that he had a reason to come back at times with weeks or even _months_ in between. He did mainly to not rouse suspicion among his men but even with that, they still thought to follow him back at her village. He was found, and the news reached his father soon enough and he was summoned back at the Palace. The last time they met was before he was to go back and meet with the king.

When asked about why he was taking her with him, he remembered the conversation he had with King Tokuden from prior his arrival. He discussed with him the possibility of keeping her true reason to stay at the castle as a secret for now.

She was coming there to work alongside the witch Hika, her adoptive mother, to help with her duties as the queen's doctor. (He was sure that it was her, the woman often told him tale about the girl she left back at the village). If the real reason to her going to the Palace hadn't been such a scandal if word got out, then his father would've never agreed to it. But in a way, he owed the woman a favor for saving his wife. He figured that the least he could do was reunite her with her only family.

Toku decided to keep quiet about that and showed Gyokuen a small smile. "I arranged for work for you. And there's someone who wanted to meet you."

She only looked at him with slight confusion, having no choice but to go along with him and bid her time until they get there. In a way, this may be the much needed break she wanted away from Inchou. She would be leaving Shuku behind, but she hoped there would come a time when she would be able to visit them.

Still, the idea that Toku was actually royalty weighs heavily in her mind. Who would've thought? He always did seem too proper for a mere traveler. And the clothes he usually wore, although modest at minimum, didn't quite fit him. As if it wasn't made for him. When she had initially realized that, she thought that sarcastically to herself that someone out there exist who has fashion tastes way worse than her's. In truth, he was deliberately wearing them to blend in and not be inconspicuous.

But the question that she had been meaning to ask but never got the chance to was,

_"Why help me?"_

* * *

Gyokuen didn't know what to say. It felt like she had a lot of things she wanted to say. She wanted to scream, she wanted to be angry, she wanted to cry out at the woman but all she could do was stay quiet, her tears pooling at the edge of her eyes.

Hika, who looked at her with those doe-brown eyes of hers, just like all those years ago, didn't bother holding in her's. She was quick to close the distance between the two of them and she pulled her into a tight hug.

For the first time, she received a hug from the woman she previously thought of as her mother. And now, reunited, all she could do was silently accept it, letting the tears she had been holding back out alongside her sobs.

She realized that this was the person who Toku wanted her to meet and she was filled mixed emotions. She didn't know what to feel as she refused to return the hug.

All those years ago, this same woman threw her away and telling her off. She told her the very thing she didn't want to hear and now, look at her, clinging at the girl as if she would accept just like that. Even so, her own tears were betraying the very feeling of anger inside of her. She wanted to forgive her. She wanted to be happy with her again but the wounds she dealt her left scars that she doubted would disappear anytime soon. It would stay with her, and seeing as even time couldn't make it disappear, how would Hika be able to do so?

Ten years. _Ten years._ That was how long she was left alone by her and she had gotten accustomed to the fact that the two of them would never meet each other again. And she was fine with that. But now, she wasn't fine, anymore. It was like the woman opened the very wounds she caused.

Still, she couldn't ignore the familiar feeling of her missing the woman.

"I'm so sorry." She had muttered and the young woman only nodded in return.

It didn't seem like there was anything Gyokuen wanted to say in return to Hika's apology so Toku took it upon himself to intervene, explaining the situation to the witch.

"So I've heard. King Tokuden told me in passing about what happened." She wiped her tears and stepped away from her adopted daughter. She opted to squeezing the other's shoulder reassuringly. "My condolences to the people who were affected by the fire."

Gyokuen didn't say anything, and the older woman only gave a sorrowful smile. She then turned to the prince. "Allow me to accompany you to the king, my prince."

He looked surprised. "Oh, no. You don't have to." He was stopped from further opposing when Hika bowed her head at him.

"Please. Let me be with Gyokuen for longer."

After hearing that, there wasn't much he could do but let her.

* * *

Their next destination was the king's throne room. There, Gyokuen, alongside Hika and Toku, met the man named Ren Tokuden, the ruler of the country of Kou. He was much more intimidating than she had thought, but the look oddly fit him. She also found that he looked eerily like the young man beside her. He really was a prince of this country.

The talk that had happened between all four of them was brief. There was obvious distrust on the king's face but when he caught sight of her, that shifted into something else more complicated and he looked at the older woman beside her.

From the sidelines, it was as if the two of them were talking to each other but no words left their mouths. Whatever it was though, brought concern to each of their faces.

It was eerie, watching the two of them have a conversation that neither of the two of them understood.

All too soon, the introduction to the king was short.

* * *

Outside, they were met with an unexpected person.

Having been passing through the area, he quickly caught sight of them and had to do a double take upon seeing Toku beside her.

"Oh. You're back." That was his simple and rude greeting. The prince beside her though didn't look fazed in the slightest. He must've been used to the attitude of this person. Though who was he in relation to the prince?

No sooner had she asked herself that, Hika stepped forward to stand in-between the two men. "Prince Tokukou, please, behave yourself."

Gyokuen was surprised and she looked between the red-head and the blue-head beside her. _"Prince?"_ she whispered in disbelief at Toku, watching as he nodded his head slightly at her in confirmation.

"Yes, _prince."_

He didn't need to look at her face to know that the two of them didn't look like siblings. Though, it seemed as if the other prince was the one who caught the look on her face and he rolled his eyes at it.

He told Hika in a matter-of-factly way, "I haven't even said anything, yet, _witch."_

The tone of his voice when he said that rubbed both Gyokuen and Hika in the wrong way. The young woman was about to step forward and give him a piece of her mind (prince or not) when Toku had beaten her to it.

With a firm "Kou," the warning was clearly sent and prince sent a glare in their way. "Be more polite." For a moment, it had gotten cold all of a sudden and there was tension in the air that was brewing in-between the two brothers.

The first to relent was Tokukou who merely tsk'ed and continued on his way without another world.

Hika let out a sigh of relief while Gyokuen turned to prince beside her. "Is he always like that?"

He gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm... afraid so."

"I see." She could feel cold sweat drip down her forehead. If that were the case, then she better hope not to come across the other one. She wouldn't have been able to resist giving him a tongue-lashing.

Though the person who suffered the most hostility from the red-head was Hika, her face only showed slight hints of exasperation. It seemed that she was used to him by now. Just... who does that person think he is, talking that way so rudely?

* * *

Weeks later, Gyokuen had been getting herself accustomed to the Palace. You would think that having been at the center of their country, it would be a lot livelier than this but it's not. For most of the day, it was silent. Then depending on where you are, you may be able to hear the soldiers training in their barracks or the chaos that was happening at the kitchen.

She shuddered at the thought of coming near said kitchen. She wandered in there once and it was an uncomfortable experience. Everyone there was expected not to make mistakes and all the women were wary to keep a close eye on one another. They are preparing the meals for the higher-ups, after all. Had the food they served was found to be poisonous by the taster, they would all be to blame.

Sighing at how tense living at the Palace was, someone suddenly started talking to her with scorn clear in her tone.

"Hmph. The Palace take in just about anyone. Just what part of you in meant to look like a courtmaiden?"

The words barely left the new girl's lips and Gyokuen already had a scowl in her face. Yes, this was e _xactly_ what she needed right now; a reason to _fight_ and get kicked out just as soon as she was taken in the Palace. She had to keep chanting in her head to calm down or else things would get out of hand fast and there goes the help Tokuhaku had graciously offered to her.

_Don't turn around and throw a punch. Don't throw around to throw a punch. Don't turn around and throw a punch._ _**Don't throw around to throw a punch.** _

A shrill voice broke through her Zen-like concentration. "Are you ignoring me!?"

For a moment, Gyokuen could've sworn she just popped a blood vessel then and there. She took a deep breath, as a last resort to calm down her temper before turning around and smiling as best as she could towards the person who had insulted her.

"Hello. Nice to meet you. _Goodbye."_

She intended for it to be more polite than that and as a somewhat way to shoo the other person away but it didn't work. It only succeeded in angering the lady before her. And as the other girl's face turned bright red, she knew that her time in the Palace are now over.

"Listen here! What gives you the right to talk to me that way!?" She demanded and it took all of her patience to not say something 'rude.'

"I'm sorry. I will not do it again."

Don't trust Gyokuen's words. She would definitely do it again. Heck, even she knew that she would do it again. It was just like her. People who demanded respect from others didn't need to be handed that on a silver platter.

The lady continued on glaring at her before huffing. She still looked irritated but it seemed like she would let it go for now. And with that, Gyokuen wanted to make her own escape. Would asking to leave work?

...Hell no. She'd rather run away than to ask nicely. Politeness can go out the window.

With a smile still on her face, she kindly asked, "Pardon me, but I haven't yet been graced with your name, m'lady." Her own eyebrows twitched at that honorific she gave the other girl. If the other answers, then that's the distraction she needed to catch the other off-guard.

As if biting into her bait unknowingly, that haughty look from the other's face returned and a smile was back on her face. She proudly introduced herself. "I'm Kanou (甘奥) from the great Shi (茨) Fa-"

And Gyokuen was off running. Surprised, 'Kanou' spluttered out a small "W-Wait-" But it fell on deaf ears as she was already gone.

Right when she had rounded quite a few corners just in case the girl gave chase, she immediately stopped dead on her tracks and started to nearly rip her hair out of her head.

"Wasn't I supposed to keep myself from causing trouble!?"

Too late. The deed was already done, and it was doubtful that Lady Kanou would forget her anytime soon.

_She needs to lie low for a bit._

Heaving a sigh, she walked on a slump all the way back to Hika's room. From what the woman had told her, she wanted to teach her how to properly mix and create medicines.

* * *

For the next few days, Gyokuen didn't leave the general area of where her adoptive mother worked. She was cautious not to show herself so that the lady she was rude to before would eventually forget about her. But until then, she would stay between Hika's room, her own room, and the small garden where they grew medicinal herbs along with other decorative plants.

Slowly, she got herself to get used to a new routine for her now everyday life as an apprentice to the doctor. She wasn't doing too good that she can properly mix up the proper ingredients but not too bad either to potentially kill off her future patients. She'd like to think that she was doing well for the most part.

But then there would be times in which she would be in deep thought. She often wondered how Shuku was holding up. She didn't lose anyone too important to her like her parents, but with the attack, they all lost the restaurant.

It was her dream to take over that place from her own folks, to make it a big restaurant that would serve even people from the capital. Gyokuen wasn't as fond of the place as her but she had worked there for many years of her life now. It was almost like a second home to her. Losing it made her sad as well.

There are also all the other people from the village. A lot of them were killed in the fire and most lost families close to them. How were all of them holding up? The fact that she was now living a comfortable life in the Palace didn't make her guilt lessen any further. It only added to it.

What the heck was she thinking anyway, letting the prince bring her here? She was glad for being reunited with Hika and all, but she had important people to go back to as well.

And she wondered, when will she ever see them again? If ever that the palace lets her go outside, that is. For now, all she could do was send her prayers to them and hope for the best.

* * *

"Why were you taken in the first place?"

The question caught her off guard. She hadn't expected to be asked that so soon but... she knew that it was only a matter of time before she had to answer it.

"Why ask now of all times?"

"It's better I do now than never have to do it."

For a moment, she didn't say anything else and Gyokuen only patiently waited for her answer.

"I was sought after by the King."

The young woman looked at her in surprise. "T...The King? That Ren Tokuden?"

She briefly sent her a disapproving look for the rudely uttering his Highness' name. Nonetheless, she let it slide for now. No one was around to berate the girl after all. It was only the two of them.

Hika nodded her head slightly in confirmation. "The Queen was ill and the doctors they had here told the Royal Family that she wouldn't have long to live. The King had gotten desperate."

"But why you? Of all people to exist out there? Surely there is someone who cures better than you."

She had grown quiet again, and when she spoke next, it was almost like a mutter. "If only that were the case." She lifted up the palm of her hand and in an instant, something prodded at the skin and breached the surface. It was a small thing, green and had the daintiest of leaves; _a plant._

Gyokuen gaped at what she had seen, immediately grabbing ahold of Hika's hand and peering at the thing closer. "What did you just do?" She said in a whisper, amazed yet unsure of what her eyes was showing her.

"I have been able to do these things for as long as I could remember. It started off as nothing but strange domes in my skins. Then... one by one, plants sprouted from my body." With her words, more and more appeared all over her hand and up her own arm.

She can still remember the time when the first instances of a plant had peeked through her skin. The people who cared for her were afraid for her life. They thought that it was a curse brought upon her by some cruel deity and immediately had her see a monk. They couldn't do anything about it though, aside from scaring her not to do it again.

Still, it was only years later when she had accepted this strange part of her. And when she did, she learned of ways to control it. That eventually led to her becoming curious of plant life and what they could bring to people.

Then here she was, the doctor that she always wanted to be. The only difference from the one in her dreams was that she had no freedom who she had to cure.

Gyokuen, now done with looking at the tiny sprouts on her arm, held her hand in between her's and looked up at her. She could recognize that emotion in her eyes. It was almost the same thing she had looked at her with when she chased the young woman away from the Palace. She felt betrayed, and the woman knew why.

"You never told me about this."

Hika bit her lip. "I wanted few people to know."

"And that didn't include me?"

The truth will hurt but... "That's right."

The hurt was now evident in her eyes. "...I see." She looked away from her and the warmth in her hand disappeared. In the same instance, the little sprouts began to retreat back into the confines of her skin. They left no mark, nor even any indication that they existed in the first place.

There was no reason for her to continue, given the tense atmosphere that was obvious in the air, but she still wanted to answer the girl's question.

"The King had heard about me from one of the monks who had seen me back when I was a child. That same monk now worked in the Palace and he became a sort of friend for his Highness, offering words of advice when it came to decisions requiring one to question their morality. When he had been troubled by the Queen's inevitable passing, my name was passed along.

"It didn't take long before I was found. Apparently, I became a sort of legend to our little village, and even in nearby towns, as a 'witch' for my ability to cure people from even the deadliest of sickness."

Hika massages her wrist, as if the pain she felt being dragged away by the King's soldiers still lingered. She didn't want to be taken but no one was to oppose Ren Tokuden. And so she left. They didn't even let her say goodbye to Gyokuen.

"I suppose it had been fine for the first few months but people often ridiculed me for my strange practice, even more so when I could could actually heal. Actual doctors hated me and the same applies to this Palace. I may have succeeded in helping cure Queen Kansei, but that doesn't mean that I was accepted as a part of this place. Only tolerated."

For the young woman in front of her, that was oddly surprising. There were rumours about Hika practicing dark magic to cure others but that never escalated into hate. Rather, it only fueled people to come to her and her affordable prices.

Those who studied to become so doctors had prices that was way too much for them to be able to afford, and most of the time, they couldn't afford seeing seeing one just to get themselves diagnosed. But for the 'witch's of Inchou, whatever they could give her in exchange for payment, guaranteed that their lives would be saved from death. To them, that was the better choice.

"Perhaps it was the stress of that time and the looming threat of losing the people I care about, but I snapped at you that night." She looked up from her hands to regard Gyokuen's surprised look. "I didn't want you to get hurt, just in case I went with you that night and they caught us. Sneaking in and out of this place can easily cost you your life. I wanted you to live for the future, and so I turned you away. I was just afraid of losing you."

Her words were sincere, through and through, and that was enough for her feelings to pierce through the young woman. She, who was up until then remained stubborn in keeping measurable distance between the two of them ever since they reunited. Finally, there wasn't a gap between them anymore, and Hika can finally reach out to her again.

Gyokuen looked down at her hands to mask the tears she knew were on their way, and she muttered, "I see."

* * *

One evening, as if he had noticed her staring off into space, Prince Tokuhaku urged the young woman to take a stroll around the Palace to familiarize herself with her surroundings.

Despite the looming threat of having to meet the lady or even worse, the _other prince,_ she took his advice and went on a stroll; letting her mind drift off into nowhere as she let the quiet atmosphere of the empty hallways soothe her.

How long has it been since she was that peaceful?

"Hey, you look like you're lost."

At that familiar mocking voice, Gyokuen blinked before freezing up.

_He's heeeere!_

She knew that she was bound to encounter him again. But Toku had assured her many nights before that it wouldn't happen if she stayed off a particular section of the Palace. Yet here she was, lost as a kitten and the meeting she dreaded has happened.

She briefly toyed with the thought of throwing a punch and running away from the confusion she would have caused.

"H-Huh!? I... _no._ I'm not _lost._ " She crossed her arms and looked away from the prince. She was sweating bullets and already, she was letting her tongue go off on a rant to defend herself. "It's just that, I've gotten confused with directions and now I don't know which way to go. That's all!"

Don't worry, it sounded bullshit to her own ears, as well. But it had some truth in it. She _was_ lost.

"Hm... You do know this place is off-limits, right?"

Ah, but that was something she did _not_ know. She felt a little bit like she's an idiot.

There was a heavy thump from the ground behind her and when footsteps followed, she realized that he had jumped down from his perch on the second floor's balcony. _What the heck._ No doubt if she had done the same, she would've had broken legs yet this young man behind didn't even let out any noise that indicated e was in pain.

"Off-limits? But why?" She was asking now to buy time as she looked for an escape. She definitely picked the wrong day to go out on a walk.

"Mother doesn't like trespassers." He said, off-handedly, shrugging his shoulders as he walked around her so that they stood face to face. There it was, that irritatingly mocking look on his face. He was definitely looking down on her.

Still, he had this intimidating aura on him. Just like when they had first met each other. He felt... _dangerous_ that it was uncomfortable to be near him. All Gyokuen wanted to do right now was to shrink away from him.

"Oh! I-I see! Then I'll be off then. I wish you luck on whatever it was that you were doing!" Fake pleasantries always worked when ending conversations right? Shuku told her as much and she never had a need for it until now. But why is it that wasn't the case at that moment?

"Hold on."

Flinching, she turned back around to face him after she had prepared to walk off. "...w-what?" She hesitantly asked and he went towards her. His face drew closer, his eyes narrowed as he stared at her intently.

"Have I seen you before?"

There was the dreaded question. It was the question she realized she loathed he would ask her. It didn't even cross her mind that he had already forgotten what she looked like. It seems there was still room for her to escape the situation.

"No! Of course not!" She was quick to deny but apparently, it was too quick to be passed off as normal way of answering.

As if realizing, there was this infuriating smirk that formed on his face. His red eyes even seemed even more sinister than usual. "I don't know, I tend to remember faces and I'm sure I'm seen you from somewhere."

How was it possible to be cold yet sweat at the same time? "You must be joking! This is the first time that I have seen you, my good sir!"

"Hm... AAHH!" He feigned realization, effectively making the young woman jump from the sudden outburst.

"W-What!?"

"You! You're that girl, aren't you? The one that Haku brought back!"

Ah, crap. Here it goes. "I-" She made to deny but he was quick to cut her off.

"What are you doing here? Has he let you off your leash or something?"

"Leash!?"

It was pure mocking. Just like when they had initially met, he was set on the fact that Tokuhaku brought her at the Palace to be a _plaything_ for his older brother when in reality, she was there to work with her adopted mother. Nothing had made her blood boil more than the thought that he sees her as something so low from his standing as a prince himself.

How was it that brothers can be so different from each other? This prince was the exact opposite of the older prince.

"I mean, surely, someone from the countryside like you meant nothing to him but just a pet, right?"

"Excuse me!" It was her turn to cut him off, and she didn't even care for raising her voice to someone like him. He didn't deserve respect. He may be above her by birth right, but he didn't do anything to warrant her respect for him. _Nothing._ "I might be from a small village, but even I have manners of my own! Maybe you should learn from 'someone from the countryside'!"

The two of them glared at each other for a moment before Gyokuen had enough and turned on her heel. The moment she did, she broke out into a sprint and headed to the opposite direction from the prince she had left there baffled. She could only hope that by doing this, she would be able to find her way back or even gain enough distance between he two of them.

"You-! Hey! Get back here!"

She ignored him, snorting to herself.

_As if!_

* * *

Gyokuen ran for the better part of half an hour. She would've liked to stop sooner but the second prince was hot on her heels and he didn't let up chasing her. At times, she would shake him off and that gave her time to catch her breath but no sooner would he had found her again. It was annoying.

Why couldn't he leave her alone? People used to stop chasing her when they knew that they wouldn't be able to catch her but it seemed that Tokukou was more stubborn than that. Goes to show that he really _was_ going to give her a piece of his mind for her words back there. So when she really did lose him this time, she had to duck into some nearby shrubbery just to be extra careful. Her stamina was at its limits and she didn't want to have to run anymore.

With the safe covers of the leaves, she collapsed to her bum and heaved out a long sigh. _Finally, a break._ As she sat there trying to regulate her breathing, she made a mental note to be careful when wandering around next time. That, and to keep away from the north-east part of the Palace.

For some reason, even though Toku and the youngest prince are siblings, they're both found at different parts of the Palace. You would think that brothers would be closer than that but considering that the two of them didn't seem to get along well when she was first introduced to the latter, she really shouldn't have been surprised. Remembering the animosity of the younger brother towards the older one, Gyokuen wondered whether it was a family feud between their two mothers that brought things on or something personal brought forth that hate.

Ruffling her hair, its bun coming loose and setting her braids free, she stood up from her hiding spot.

"Were you hiding from someone?"

Gyokuen nearly shrieked from fright but she held herself back and instead froze in her place. Oh she recognized that voice. _He found her. Again._ Twirling around, she made to strike with her fists when a hand blocked it and the smiling face of a certain prince greeted her. Nevermind, it was just Tokuhaku.

"What the hell are you doing!?" She wrenched her hand out from his grip and he raised both his hands in an 'I surrender' motion.

"Calm down, I mean no harm."

"Well _I do._ "

At her threat, he leaned away from the window, chuckling nervously. Gyokuen scowled at him, as she tried to calm her beating heart. She was just running not that long ago and only just made it beat normally. Now it was going wild again from being terrified out of her mind. How did he managed to get his voice to match that of his brother? She really thought that she was going to get caught and had thrown a punch out of fright.

Toku's current clothes caught her eye for a sec. He looks just as grand as when he had brought her to the Palace. It was still a weird thought for her that the young man was royalty. Back then, he had always dressed modestly. Not too shabby to be mistaken as poor and not too colorful to be mistaken as someone with money so it really came as a surprise that he was a prince.

But... now that she was thinking about it; his mannerisms and the way he talked _was_ something that bothered her the first few times that he had visited. She always shrugged it off but now, she was right to be bothered.

_He was a prince, after all._

Noticing her far-off gaze, Toku cleared his throat and watched as the young woman was brought back to reality. "Pardon me, but were you hiding from my brother?"

Gyokuen looked surprised. "How did you know?" she asked and he nodded his head towards the other side of the room. Faintly, you an hear a certain someone yelling about a girl that suspiciously matched her descriptions. Almost immediately, she felt sweat drip down from her forehead.

Right. She figured he wouldn't give up that easily.

"What did you even do? I thought you were avoiding him?" The prince infront of her raised his brow at her and she turned her attention to him.

"I... was distracted when I had taken a walk and managed to end up in the north-east part of the Palace. When I realized, I had already gotten lost and he found me wandering."

Toku nodded his head at her explanation, a worried look crossing his face. "Are you okay? He seems pretty eager on finding you." When she flinched, he continued and made a suggestion, "I can talk to him and get him to stop. Would you like that?"

Well, there it was. That annoyingly helpful side to him. "N-No. I'll be fine."

He didn't looked convinced and he crossed his arms. "Are you sure-"

"Yes!"

"..."

The both of them stared at each other, neither relenting before the prince let out a sigh. He uncrossed his arms and let them drop to his sides. There was still that frown on his face but otherwise, it didn't seem like he was going to intervene. Gyokuen didn't want to have to inconvenience him on something that was her fault. She already had enough gratitude towards him for the help that he had given her. Anymore than that and she wondered how her heart would take it.

In an effort to steer away from the subject, she leaned in the window from outside and looked around the room. "What are you doing here?" She had asked as Toku took a sit on a chair that was beside said window.

When he had answered, there was that smile he liked wearing now back on his face. "It's my room." He had this nonchalant tone accompanying his words, making the young woman blink slightly.

"Really? I've never seen yours before." She went up on her tip-toes to get a better view inside and from there in the corner, she saw what looked like paper cranes in a large pile. They all have different colors and it seems that they were being held together by something. Was he the one who made those? "Paper cranes, Toku?"

At that, the prince himself looked at where she had her eyes and almost immediately, she saw his blues softened at the sight of the white paper birds. He stood up from his perch and went towards it, taking it in his hands, and brought it back to show her.

"Here, have a look."

She hesitantly took it from him and turned it over in her hands, watching as the sunlight bounced off of the glittering paper. It makes it look like almost as frail as glass. From some parts of the cranes, she can see small hand-writings that read 'I pray for your well-being', 'get well soon', 'please be alright', and the like.

"You made it for someone?" She asked, tasting that familiar bitterness on her tongue. And she knew that already she was jealous of this person who the cranes were made for. Such well wishes could only mean that they were important to the prince enough that he would go so far as to make so many of the things.

Seeing the sour look on her face, Toku was quick to explain. "I did not make it. It was a gift."

That didn't make her feel any better. Still, she stopped herself from bringing attention to her own feelings (it was still supposed to be a secret after all), and gave back the bundle of the paper cranes back to him.

He held it in his hands and gazed at it for a bit before he said something.

"I was sick back then. Believe it or not, I was the frailest between Kou and I." It was surprising indeed. She didn't know that about it and looking at him now, she still couldn't see it. Perhaps sensing that she didn't believe him, he merely laughed before continuing. "I often got sick when I was younger and I couldn't go out much. People often worried and I would always assure them that I am fine and can hold my own but there's a limit to trusting a sickly child's words."

Placing the paper cranes back to the table where he kept them displayed, he continued to tell his tale, eventually, sitting back down at his chair. "I caught one of the worst flus back then and I tend to pass out a lot. Still, I was stubborn as a child and went out without any of my attendants' permission. Then I met her."

_...Her?_ Gyokuen watched as that same softened gaze came back in his eyes.

"She was the sole daughter from the Bara Family. She was at the castle with her father and she was given permission to wander off on her own, so long as she stayed near and at the gardens here at the West. That's where we met." His face contorted into a slight grimace. "She was a weird girl, more fascinated with weaponry than the arts. But still, she was kind and kept me company as I soaked up as much sunlight as I could before going back here in my room."

He gestured at the dimly lit room, the only source of light was what little sunlight his open window provided. "As you can see, I am not much of a fan of my own room. I've been kept here for most of my childhood that it made me appreciate going outside even for just a little bit. But then, my sickness caught up to me and I began coughing in front of her. I still remember how worried and panicked she had looked as she called for help. I appreciated it but after that, I was forbidden from going outside again."

Gyokuen leaned her head in her arms that were resting in the windowsill. She just kept quiet and listened as he recounted his tale from all those years ago, his face twisting into a saddened smile.

"That was probably the worst I have felt, more than my sickness was causing me. I wanted to go out so bad but even Father forbid me from even stepping a single foot out of my bed. I felt... trapped, almost."

"Did your father even see you during that time?" She had managed to asked before she could stop herself. She just couldn't help it. There was this nagging feeling that the king may not have even seen his own son in his trying times.

And she was right, as the prince nodded his head at her. "He didn't see me even once. All the words of encouragement that came from him were merely relayed to me by the doctors who watched over me. Even mother had time and even did her best to take care of me. I am still upset about that, even now."

At that moment, it didn't seem like he was a strong prince with his own army to lead. He just looked so... little all of a sudden. It didn't even cross Gyokuen's mind that he himself had a part of his life in which he was at his weakest. Just like her. And he had a lot of people around him but at the same time, it was like he was alone as well while with her, she had no one and had very little people whom she trusts. Even then, it took quite a bit of effort to open up to them.

For a second, she wanted to pat his head and tell him that he's alright now. But she held herself back, fully aware more than ever that she had no right to do such a thing.

Still, the prince smiled at her as if she had done it anyway. "I am okay. It's petty, I know. But there is one thing that made me happy at that time." He eyes went to the paper cranes and Gyokuen immediately understood. Those were given to him back then. "I was happy, and I took my time opening each cranes and reading the words that fit inside. It was my only light."

Suddenly, as if realizing what he had said, he stopped talking and immediately, his face turned a slight shade of red. He smiled sheepishly at her. "Ah... sorry. I'm talking way too much, aren't I?"

Gyokuen slowly shook her head. "It's fine. You talk a lot nowadays anyway."

He laughed at that. "I apologize."

"Still," she started, "This was the first time you talked about personal matters. I'm just surprised. You have never done that before. Well... aside from the marriage troubles."

And she was speaking the truth. For all the time that she had known him, he often dodged personal questions or answered very vaguely about them. It was worth noting but after the first few times that she had asked about it, she stopped. He didn't want to talk about it and back then, she made an impression that she hadn't cared for anything he tells her. Now she kind of regretted ever giving off that impression because she was only now knowing more about him. Heck, she knew about him being a prince before he told her about family.

Tokuhaku, realizing what she had meant, gave a small smile. "I didn't want to reveal about my standing as a prince."

Gyokuen stared at him for a bit before sharing his smile. "That's right. Even so, you aren't so bad as a royalty. I always thought the Ren family are brutal beings. So even you have someone you care about."

For whatever reason, he reached out to her and gently swept away her bangs to show her face more clearly before bringing his hand back. She followed his movements with curiosity, wondering why he had done that.

His smile shifted into a gentler one as he murmured, "I do, don't I?"

Somehow, that alone was enough to send her cheeks aflame.

"What the hell did you just do, you bastard!?" The pitch of her voice was oddly higher than usual as she tried to mask her embarrassment with her usual line of defense, _anger._ She took a step back away from him and pointed at him. "Don't ever touch me again!"

Yet, instead of being scared like she had hoped he would be, he looked even more amused as he feigned yielding to her. "Yes, yes. I understand."

"Grrr..." It looked like she was about to bite so the prince took a cautious step back of his own.

Then, suddenly, there was rapid thuds that sounded from behind him before the door to his room slammed open.

"SO THIS IS WHERE YOU WERE!"

The familiar roaring voice of the youngest prince, Tokukou rang in the room and Gyokuen paled. Without a second thought, she turned around and quickly ran the opposite direction. That enraged the prince even further and he quickly gave chase. Tokuhaku, who only watched as the events unfolded, stopped him just as he had jumped through his window.

"Kou, don't bully her too much."

Said prince scowled at him and turned up his nose. "Oh yeah? And what if I still do?" He didn't let his brother answer before turned around and started running again. But he stopped in his tracks when the older prince still spoke.

"I'm serious."

He turned around to glare at him and was met with a heated look from the other. "As if I'd listen to you."

When he turned away, Tokuhaku didn't say anything anymore and he went back to chasing after the girl. Now, it wasn't his irritation of her that was fueling his chase.

* * *

She was about to wheeze out a lung or two when she finally stopped. The prince was so persistent that she ran for far longer than she had earlier on. _He wouldn't leave her alone._ But now, she was safe enough that she can at least go back to Hika and put her in-between the two of them. She felt safer that way than simply running around, hoping to shake him off again.

Sighing, she looked behind her to make sure everything was clear before straightening herself up.

_Right. Never again._

* * *

"Let me go!"

Gyokuen's voice could be heard throughout the manor and that was her intention from the start, struggling the whole way as the soldiers on either side of her kept their tight grip on her forearms. It wasn't likely that they were just going to let her go that easily, but she still tried her best to put up a fight. She was not about to suddenly be taken like this into a place she wasn't familiar with. Who knows what could happen to her?

She suddenly regretted that she even suggested taking a walk alone to Tokuhaku.

Then, after what seemed like ages, they stopped infront of a door and opened it. Wherever it was, it seemed that they had reached their destination.

"We have brought her, Lady Yuuka (優花)."

There was seat, a throne of sorts it looks like, at the end of the room where a semi see-through curtain hung in front that prevented her from talking a clear look at the person behind it. But from their voice, it seemed to be a woman.

"Thank you. You may leave us."

"Yes, my lady."

The soldiers harshly let her go, causing Gyokuen to fall to her knees in front of the woman who had called for her. She didn't even need to know who she was to realize that she was dangerous. An aura of intimidation came off of her in waves and she knew that she was not to be messed with.

_She's probably_ that woman _that everyone is talking about._ She thought bitterly, still kicking herself for having not paying any attention to her surroundings. How was she supposed to know that she had unknowingly wandered into the _witch's_ territory? She had just been in a daze when the soldiers who found her trespassing immediately apprehended her. But what made her confused were their words.

'We have brought her'? Was she supposed to go there and them take her to this woman? Had it been a part of some sort of plan?

While she had been thinking of this, Gyokuen had not raised her head even once. It was only when the other had spoken that she remembered her current predicament.

"Are you not even going to meet my gaze, dear?" It was such a sickly sweet tone. It was obvious that it was meant to sound like a reassuring woman was coaxing her into not being afraid and yet, it was frightful all on its own. The curtain was raised by the servants beside her, bowing their heads in doing so.

Raising her head, she directed a glare at that woman only for shock envelop her form. The woman had not been what she had expected her to look like. She was... so much more _familiar_ than she had thought. And that is because the two of them shared the same _face._

"What..?" it was the only thing she could mutter as she slowly brought herself up to a stand. Her hands were bleeding slightly from when they had come into contact with the floor but the pain was nothing but a dull throb. She only ignored it. She was more fixated at the supposed 'witch' that was the head of the Doku (毒) Family.

They had the same color of hair, albeit her's were braided and pinned neatly into a half-bun while the older woman had an extravagant hairstyle that showed how long she had grown it over the course of her life. They had the same eyes, though the other's had shone more in a way that can only be called a haze. Even the mole that she has on her chin lay on the same spot on the left of her chin at the lady's face. Yuuka had wrinkles showing on her face but it was the only indication that she had been older. Aside from that, the similarities to their looks were _uncanny_ and Gyokuen didn't know what to say.

For the most part, she had kept quiet. She has an inkling as to who this woman was in relation to her, but she was not about to acknowledge the fact so soon.

No, not when she had just been reunited with her _mother,_ Hika.

"I knew you would come soon enough."

She pressed her lips into a thin line at that. Gyokuen was right with her suspicions. This woman had planned to meet her right from the start and she already had an inkling as to who she was in relation to her. She's... She's obviously a relative of her's.

But she had no idea as to how _close_ Doku Yuuka really was and the woman knows it already.

"Why did you take me here?"

The corners of her lips twitched up into a mocking smile. "My, you're not even going to ask me how I'm doing? How rude."

Instantly, her wary look turned into a glare. "Why play this game? Who _are_ you? And why do you look-" She was cut off, the older woman all too eager to spell out the obvious to her.

"Why, I'm your _mother,_ of course. Your _real_ mother, that is. Not that Hika who took you under her wing."

If there was one thing she was always reminded of, it was that the truth hurts and was often shocking. She knew that the other _must_ be related to her somehow but she hadn't realize that their blood has been as thick as it was. This _person in front of her_ is the very same person who gave birth to her. That was truth, but Gyokuen was quickly finding herself unable to accept it.

"...you're lying," was her quiet accusation, making the woman laugh loudly.

"Lying! My dear, why would I lie to you? Can you not see how much you take after your mother?"

She gritted her teeth and told her off, almost like a snarl from how she had hated hearing her say that they were related. "You're _not_ my mother."

The Doku's lady, opened her eyes to show dark blue irises almost blending in with her black sclera. At the same moment, the air got thick and Gyokuen struggled to breathe. As if the very air she was inhaling burned at her lungs. Most of all, she felt very, _very_ afraid at that moment.

"It is not up for debate, Gyokuen. I _birthed_ you. No other woman can claim my rightful place **as your mother."** The tone of her voice shifted at the end of her sentence. It was almost like a different person had taken that woman's place and said those in her own voice that didn't quite fit.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up on end, and she fought herself to keep from shivering. She _refused_ to show that she was afraid. But even then, her fear was controlling her already and she couldn't even say whatever it was that she wanted to spat at her.

She could only glare.

Almost immediately, the thick tension in the air disappeared, the same way the odd colouring in the woman's eyes faded. It was as it hadn't been there in the first place. She gasped, surprised that she had been holding her breath the entire time.

Smiling hollowly, she opened her fan and used it to cover the sinister edge on said smile that was brewing on her face. "Still, I am patient, my child. You would come back to me soon enough. And then, you will take my place."

Before Gyokuen could speak, the woman ordered for the soldiers to return and they grabbed ahold of her again, their grips bruising her arms. She struggled to have them let go of her.

"Wait! What do you mean by-!"

The older woman stilled, and slowly, she opened her eyes again to reveal those haunting colours. "You're noisy. **Get her away."**

"Yes, Lady Yuuka."

Just like that, she was dragged away from the manor and even farther from the vicinity of their territory where they threw her outside the doors that separated the main castle to their manor. They left her there, sporting a bruises on her arms, and for the first time, afraid of what the Family may do to her.

She still couldn't wrap her head about the truth that she was told. Her, an actual _noble?_ Then why had she spent her entire life living in Inchou? What was the reason why she was the abandoned one and was only now learning of her true origin. What was the story behind it all?

Deeply troubled, she started her way back to Hika's room to treat her bruises and to hopefully find some answers from her _real_ mother. But even the witch herself, was awfully silent about it.

* * *

Gyokuen found Kanou while she was passing the time in a gazebo. She was making something, various paper-crafts littering the table where there lay her ignored tea and snacks. Whatever it was that she was doing, she seemed to be so engrossed that she didn't realize that she had gotten closer and was peeking over her shoulder.

She was only snapped out of it when she spoke out of amazement.

"Wow, that's amazing Lady Kanou."

She let out a loud shriek and a swung an open hand at her out of reflex and the young woman immediately stepped away to avoid being hit. Said lady looked flustered when she realized who it was who surprised her.

"You!"

She dipped her head in a bow. "Me."

"What are you doing here?" she demanded of her, her own face bright red as she started shoving all of her creations (finished or not) behind her back in an effort to hide them from view. "Leave me alone. This is an order."

Gyokuen didn't understand why hide it all though and she told the lady her confusion straight up. "Why are you hiding them?"

"Nothing! Go away!"

"But it's _fine."_ Kanou flinched at that. "Crafts are made for the purpose of filling dull hours of the day. Everyone does it, even I."

"...people find it childish that I enjoy these." She muttered, looking away from her. That was when the other realized what was wrong.

"Well, there's nothing to be ashamed of it."

"..."

Gyokuen tilted her head, catching sight of a familiar creation peeking from behind the girl. "Is that a crane you're making?"

It was Kanou's turned to be surprised. "How did you know?"

"I can see it from behind you."

"...oh."

For the first time, the lady had been less tense around her than before, making Gyokuen feel a tiny speck of a feeling of an accomplishment. Hey, maybe there's a chance to be friends?

The other revealed all of her paper creations to the girl hesitantly and picked up the crane in question. It was like the one that Toku had in his room. The only difference was that this one was made from regular paper rather than a glittering one.

"I had practice when I was younger making these. You could say that I can make them like it was second nature to me now."

Gyokuen, intrigued, wanted to take a closer look at it. She held out her hand at the lady and asked, "May I?"

Kanou was hesitant, but after a bit of thinking, she handed it to her. "Be careful," was her only instruction and she kept that in mind.

She took that chance to look at it every other way until she noticed one detail that stood out from the plain paper. It was a set of tiny scribbles underneath the wing. It said 'be well' and that couldn't have been more surprising. Even the handwriting was eerily similar as well.

_Could it be?_

"Say," she started, getting the attention of the girl once more. "Do you happen to know Prince Tokuhaku?" Asking that question alone was nerve-wracking. What if her suspicions were confirmed? What then? There was a high chance that the lady in front of her was the very same girl who gifted the thousand paper cranes to Toku _who just so happens to be very dear to him._

She hadn't even heard the answer yet but her heart was already pounding in her chest.

"I do know of the highness. We are betrothed, after all."

She was right. And just like that, her hope was crushed once more and her world started to crumble.

"I... I see."

That was the only thing she said for the rest of that afternoon as she sulked in a chair beside the future queen of Kou who chatted to her about aimless things.

* * *

It was supposed to be a quiet afternoon, but unfortunately, there was a ruckus near where Gyokuen currently was. When she had went to investigate, looking on at what was happening from the balcony above to below, she saw a familiar red-head in the middle of a fight with soldiers. Her first thought was that they were training, that was always the case whenever she saw the second prince with the soldiers, but there was a glaring fact that contradicted it:

_They were at the gardens._ And the training grounds was at the barracks on the _other_ side of the Palace.

She already knew that what was happening was bad. Tokukou must've picked the men as the target of his rage and from what she had heard from rumors, _that's bad._ He was small in comparison to the grown men that the soldiers are, but it was obvious he was well-versed when it came to fights. They were absolutely losing.

She quickly ran down the stairs to intervene, seeing as the onlookers had no choice but to watch, otherwise they would be the one being punished, whether they were right to do so or not.

"Tokukou, what the hell are you doing!?" She yelled out, not hesitating on diving into the fray and pulling the man off of the soldiers by the collar. Doing that only made him direct his anger at her.

"And what do you think _you're_ doing!?" He ripped her hands off of his clothes but instead of being afraid, it only fueled Gyokuen to stop him.

"I asked you first, didn't I!? Don't be ignoring me! _What the hell are you doing!?"_

"Miss, please stop." One of the soldiers who had incurred the wrath of the prince, pulled her away, pleading. "It was our fault. We hadn't given his highness proper acknowledgement so we were punished."

Gyokuen could not have heard anything more ridiculous than what she had heard. "So you let this prince start _beating_ you all?" They remained silent, refusing to answer any further. Fueling her anger, she turned to Tokukou with a will that rivalled even his own.

"Apologize."

He was shocked at the preposterous order coming from her, _a mere apprentice_ , to him, _a prince._ The ridiculousness of it made him laugh.

"Are you kidding me? Apologize? To these guys? They were the ones who did _me_ wrong."

She could not have gotten anymore angrier than she currently was at what he had told her. "I don't care if you are a prince! Own up to your wrong-doing!"

_"They needed to learn to pay proper respect! Unlike you!"_

What she said next, stunned the prince into silence. _"Respect is given, not asked for, you dumbass prince!"_

The whole garden was silent, watching as she dragged the beaten soldiers away to tend to their wounds. For the first time in their lives, the onlookers witnessed a humiliation of a lifetime, from a low-ranking apprentice to a prince.

* * *

When word got out, Hika took it upon herself to apologise in behalf of the girl to the infuriated prince and hand out punishments accordingly. For some reason, she was the only one stuck outside in the halls, kneeling with her arms up and carrying a small square platform of scrolls. She mustn't let the scrolls roll off the edge or that adds another hour to her initial twelve-hour punishment.

The soldiers were let off with just the beating they got. And considering that the witch Hika was the one who tended to them, they hadn't suffered for long like young woman currently was.

* * *

A few days later, she was called have a talk with her adoptive mother.

"I'm going to tell you about the Doku Family." Hika had said, fiddling with her cup of tea. There was hesitation in her eyes but she reckon it was time for Gyokuen to know. She had already met Doku Yuuka. There was no need to hide anything anymore.

For the girl who was sitting in front of him, it was clear she had caught on.

And so, she told the truth.

Hika had heard about it by passing. At first, by gossip from the servants, then to whispers from the ministers, to a conversation that came from the Dokus themselves.

Gyokuen was... a family member of theirs; the daughter of Yuuka herself. She has seven sisters, four older and three younger. They look just like their mother, the same way the girl was. It was an undeniable fact that she was family. But the difference between her and all her other sisters was the fact that she was _abandoned_ by her own mother.

No one knew of it until the girl herself had come to live in the castle and people started talking about it. They didn't get the answer they needed aside from the fact that she wasn't liked of all.

But there was a greater truth in that. In Doku, there was a curse that women from the family had for as long as they had existed. It was phenomenon that people couldn't explain.

First, the affected woman would hear a _voice_ and start to see things that weren't there. From there, they would hurt people, steadily going violent before... they just _stop._ It was as if they went back to how they previously were. The only difference was that they now had an imposing and threatening presence to them.

Whatever that curse was, only one woman would have it at a time. It wasn't confirmed but it must've been the reason why Gyokuen was given abandoned in the first place.

The current Doku Matriarch was said to have had this phase long ago. It was the reason why all of a sudden, she had become determined to lead the family rather than her husband.

"So... I have a chance of this happening upon me?" Gyokuen muttered, clenching her hands with a conflicted look on her face.

"...that's right."

"And this curse was the reason I was abandoned on Inchou?"

"Yes, Gyokuen."

Hika couldn't make out what the girl felt about all of the things that she was told. Was she mad about the circumstances of her birth? Did the truth changed the way she looked at her true mother? Or did it only further the dislike she felt about the older woman?

Whatever the other had felt, there was only one reason why she had decided to tell this to her after keeping it a secret for so long. It was so that she knew that she had the right to marry the crown prince and compete against the daughter from the Shi family.

"Hika, why did you tell me this?"

Said woman reached over the table between them and held the girl's hands in-between her's. She held her gaze with her own as determination and urging shone in her eyes. "Use this knowledge to your advantage."

Gyokuen's face turned into one of shock. She was unsure of what she was getting at. "What? What do you mean?"

"Just as I had said." She squeezed the other's hands, to show that she was serious about her own words. "You are of _nobility,_ Gyokuen. Not many knows of this fact and they would not speak of this truth as well. Use this to take your right as Prince Tokuhaku's wife."

Her eyes widened from what she had been told, and for a moment, her mouth opened and closed. She didn't know what to say. She then snapped her mouth shut, and she stayed silent for a moment. Hika let her gather her thoughts and waited patiently for her to reach a decision.

Both the Doku and Shi families are of equal standing and both can marry into the royal family and marry the future king.

She always wanted the girl's happiness, _always._ And she may have taken that from her when she left for the Palace but it was either that, or the royal family would've razed the village to the ground. She couldn't bear to see the girl's body amidst all of the people she had helped. She wouldn't be able to handle it.

And for that, she wanted to make it all up to her. It would still be up to her if she wanted to reveal this to the world as Doku wanted it to be kept a secret. But it would do in her favor if the people do found out.

When the girl regained the courage to speak, she told the woman an answer that she was already expecting from her. _Rejection._

"No, Hika. I don't want to use that for my own selfish want. I didn't come here to marry his highness. I came here to get away from Inchou and all the bad memories I had of that place. And I will stay here for you and all the people I had become friends with. I'm..." She let out a sigh and spoke lowly, pained. " _..content,_ being by his side. Even if I do not have my right to be his wife, I'm happy enough for Kanou. That is all."

The woman looked away from the girl, and the warmth they shared in their hands disappeared when she let go of her. "I see." Was the only thing she said as she refilled their cups with more tea.

Silence filled the air and it stayed that way until Gyokuen excused herself.

There was.. nothing that Hika can do but give her that advantage she clearly deserved. But she didn't take it. The girl was too good-hearted for someone so brash and stubborn. She thought that she would take that chance, but her friendship with a lot of people including Shi Kanou was holding her back.

There was her chance to be happy. But for the sake of other people, she chose to be selfless instead.

_Gyokuen... learn to think about yourself._

Her own conflicted expression reflected back at her in the green water inside of her cup. Despite the tea having calming effects, it did nothing to the unease that she felt.

There, she promised herself that she would do what it takes so that the girl would have her chance at being by the prince's side. She would even risk the hate she would get from her if it meant that she would make her happy.

* * *

Some days later, Gyokuen happened upon a certain prince while she was asked to retrieve something by Hika. He had been lazying about underneath a tree, tossing what looked to be a toy ball up and down in his hand. He wasn't even paying attention to it, looking like he was doing it unconsciously at that point.

What was bothering him?

She stopped walking and thought to herself on what to do. Figuring that it wouldn't hurt if she asked, she approached him. Though she was taking careful steps at first, wary of the prince from all of their bad encounters in the past.

"You look down, prince."

He jumped slightly before turning his head upwards at her. When he saw, he immediately rolled his eyes. "Go away," he said, immediately turning back to what he was doing and dazing around.

Well, he didn't need to tell her twice.

She let out a sigh and turned. Why did she even bother? She hadn't even started walking when the second prince spoke again.

"Actually wait."

She stopped, a little surprised. "Yes?"

He hadn't looked at her and there was this thoughtful expression on him now, rather than the blank from earlier on. "If... you have someone you envy who loves the person you love, what would you do?"

For a moment, there was a brief flash of an image of Tokuhaku and Kanou together. Ah, that question was clearly meant to strike her and she was annoyed about it.

"Why ask?" she was deliberately delaying the inevitable here but Tokukou was having none of it.

"Just answer." He threw the rubber ball at her and it bounced off of her forehead.

It hurt slightly, but that made her think. There's no harm if she told the truth, right? What's the chance of him knowing about her true feelings? She thinks that she had been hiding them pretty good.

Scratching the side of her head, she finally answered.

"I'm not that selfish to want my love to be with me if he clearly likes someone else, no? I'd just wish for their happiness instead."

The prince listened to her talk and he scoffed, standing up and dusting himself off.

"I wouldn't have been content with that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm _selfish,"_ he told her, brushing past her and going back inside the Palace.

She made a face behind his back.

_Of course, you are._

* * *

For one reason and another, Gyokuen suddenly found herself accompanying Kanou back to her manor on a nearby town. How it came to that, she had no idea. But apparently, she wanted to go back as her father wanted to see her. She had been excited about the trip.

And for some reason, the lady had become a friend of Hika and the woman suggested she bring along her adopted daughter on trip. Just in case that managed to become friends on the way.

Kanou didn't know Gyokuen was Hika's adopted daughter. Likewise, Gyokuen _also_ didn't know that Kanou was Hika's friend. The trip to the countryside was a long one, and it was uncomfortable.

Still, she tried to make small talk so that the lady wouldn't have to suffer. But even then, the other would say something rude in retaliation and the conversation would abruptly end there.

Fortunately, they didn't have to suffer for _that long,_ and they got to Shi's family manor in two days' time.

The two of them waited by a living room, sitting beside each other. When the man they had been waiting for entered the room. He had a stern expression to his face, the same one that King Tokuden had too but for this man, he was different. He was far more expressive because as soon as he caught sight of his daughter, he immediately broke out into a smile.

"Kanou, my daughter."

He opened his arms, expecting a hug but said daughter only stared at him, not nudging from her spot.

"What are you doing?" she had asked, making him let out an awkward cough and straightening himself as if he hadn't just been refused of a hug. That was when he noticed the other girl in the room.

"Who is this?"

Gyokuen immediately stood up and bowed slightly. "I'm Gyokuen. I'm an apprentice doctor to Hika."

Upon hearing her name, it seems like he know of her. "Ah, right. I remember now. I'm Shi Kyūkoku (脅酷). Nice to meet you."

"Why did you want me back here?" Kanou, now grumpy, asked from her old man, making the other young woman frown at her.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to see him?" she pointed out, making the lad's face turned red. She thought she was going to explode, and she got ready to be yelled at. But instead, she only stood up, turned on her heel, and _left._

"Hmph!"

And with that, Kanou slammed the door shut behind her and left them. Gyokuen could only feel nervous about her actions towards her own father like that. She wouldn't have given any care had she not heard about said Lord beforehand and how he was quite the cruel person. Being the king's right hand man, it was only fair that people often talked about the horrible things he had done.

Still, how can that girl have such a gall?

An uncomfortable silence swept over the room and Gyokuen started fidgeting in her seat. She found it annoying that she couldn't decide on what kind of way she was to seat herself properly when suddenly, the older man talked to her first.

"She is quite the handful, isn't she? I apologize for Kanou and her rude actions." His tone was forlorn, as if he was saddened by his daughter's behavior rather than disappointment. The unexpected sorry took her by surprise and she stuttered out a,

"N-No, it's okay, my lord. I'm... used to her."

_She was,_ and it took quite a bit of patience from her part but having spent months with the other, she slowly saw the more appealing side to her beneath all of her animosity towards the dark blue-haired girl.

To be quite honest, Gyokuen thought that she had always been that way since birth but from the man's next words, apparently, that wasn't the case.

"She's not always like that. She had always been so sweet but because of me, she slowly changed."

Now, was that more surprising than the fact that the father was actually a humble man? Yes... yes it was. She still couldn't believe it, though. Kanou, _nice?_ It seemed like an unlikely combination and she couldn't hide the disbelief in her tone.

"No, surely not..?"

But the older man shook his head in disagreement. "It is the truth." Ahh... well, perhaps there was more to Kanou than she let on. Gyokuen watched the lord of the Shi house sip on his tea solemnly, before he started to explain what he had meant.

"I had grown busy as of late, as such, I do not get much time to spend with her. I regret ever turning her down all those years ago but work always kept me away, if not busy."

"It must've been hard then, seeing her change." Was her response and she knew that he was going to respond with a,

"You are right."

After all, there isn't a more painful experience when you are kept away from someone you hold dear due to forces you couldn't understand or even help with. Then when you finally had the chance to see them again, it was as if they were an entirely different person.

That was how it was for Gyokuen back when she was younger. She loved Hika and looked up to her as her own mother but when he was taken away and she came looking for her, the woman had changed. In all reality, it was just a ruse to keep her safe. She was glad that the crown prince brought her to the Palace to work there and get a chance to meet her again.

If she hadn't accepted that chance, she wouldn't have cleared things up with the royal doctor and have that same trust between them once again.

She could only imagine how it was for the man in front of her whose work was the main reason why he rarely got the chance to spend time with his own daughter.

"...say, how was she back when she was... you know, not rude?"

As soon as she had asked that, the older man's somber face changed into one that was of excitement. He looked like a kid as he immediately shot up from his chair, sending it toppling back. He started rummaging for something in one of the chest that he had in the room and pulled out a scroll.

The patriarch gave it to her and urged her to open it. She did so, confused, only for that same confoundment to change into pleasant surprise.

It was a charcoal drawing of Kanou, and she looked really young with that childish smile on her face. It was a stark contrast to her usually annoyed expression. It was as if it was a completely different person.

"I had that made when a friend of mine came to visit. She was quite good at making art such as that."

"Kanou is so pretty on this one." She quickly backtracked when she realized what she just uttered. "I mean, not that she isn't... right now?"

The man, who previously had a stern expression, let out a laugh that was so uncharacteristic of his looks.

"I take no offense, girl. That's how she was years ago. As you can see, it is a big difference." He took the drawing from her hands and gazed upon the intricate drawing of her once smiling daughter. He was smiling himself, but there was that hint of sadness in them. "She used to be so boyish back when she was younger. She rather liked taking up the sword with me rather than the dance lessons she had with her mother. Because of that, she was closer to me than she was with my wife."

"Ohhh, so the lady wasn't quite such a lady back then. That's an interesting thing to note."

Indeed it was. The Kanou that she had met was all for looking like a beauty and discussing fashion with her evil minions that the fact that she liked word fighting was surprising. Really, who would've even guessed? That was an information that she was going to bring up to the other later. Gyokuen herself was trying her hand in combat. Perhaps she could arrange a spar between the two of them if the lady permits it.

The older man didn't miss the mischievous glint that she had in her eyes for a brief second and that elicited another laugh from him.

"She is quite the adventurous little one too." He told her, almost puffing his chest out of pride. "You can always find her through bushes or up the trees. She was such a precious one. And she would always be."

Gyokuen smiled, letting her tea sit there and cool in favor of listening to the man happily tell tale of his daughter from long ago. Looking at him smiling like that, the cold impression of his from before vanished. It was clear he loved Kanou so much. And he loved talking about her.

Then, that cheerfulness that Lord Kyūkoku had simmered down into that of a solemn one again.

"But she was bound to change one way or another and she grew up way too fast. She grew out of her boyish ways because she fell in love. All of a sudden, she liked dancing and embroidery more than sword fighting. It was too much change for this old heart."

"She fell in love?"

At first, Gyokuen thought there was a different boy that was being talked about but the more the man in front of her talked, the clearer it was as to who he was talking about. Especially since he mentions of Kanou meeting her love at the _Palace._

"She was still young, but I had brought her to the castle when the king had asked for my presence. There, she met the crown prince and changed." _Again, that sad smile._ "I am happy for her, but with her changing, it felt like I lost my little girl."

An image of a certain smiling prince came into mind and she already knew who it was that the man was talking about. She knew that they knew each other for a long while but she didn't know that it had been _that long._

"It's Prince Tokuhaku, right?"

If he had noticed the slight shift in her tone, he didn't show it. Instead, he nodded his head in affirmation. _She was right._

"Yes, that is him. Oh, I was on to that boy when she came running to me and all that left her mouth was his name." He let out a low sigh and looked down at his own teacup. "...she grew up too fast."

What was she say to that? Well... the only thing that she could say and that was to assure him that it was a normal thing that people go through in their lives.

"It's alright, Lord Kyūkoku. She may have changed but I'm sure she love you just as much to her. It's just that people grow up someday and I guess it was time that she did too."

"She was eleven back then."

Gyokuen felt cold sweat drip down her forehead. _"People grow up someday."_ She repeated.

"I... you are right. I know that. Still, I am saddened. But I wanted for her to be happy so I talked with my friend, the King, to arrange the marriage between Kanou and his highness Tokuhaku."

"..."

"When she had grown distant, I start to know less and less about her. I didn't know what she liked anymore but it was still clear as day as to who she loved. It was the only thing I can give to her and for the first time in awhile, I received a hug from her. She genuinely looked happy."

Gyokuen looked down at her own cup, a tinge of sadness tugging at her heart. "I see. That's nice, my Lord."

"Thank you, young lady."

Still, she may have been unhappy about what she had heard but it made her learn more about Kanou. Much more than what the other girl was willing to tell her. And she was till aiming to be her friend. That won't change, no matter how she felt about the marriage.

"May I ask something?"

He was surprised at the sudden question but he gave her permission to continue anyway. "You may."

When he did, Gyokuen hesitated for a moment before she meekly asked, "Do you reckon she likes receiving flowers?"

"Maybe. I do not know." The older man gave a small smile, perhaps already knowing what she intended to do if he had answered but he wanted to hear it from her himself. "Why do you ask?"

"I want to give her something, as a token of friendship. But as you can see before, she isn't too fond of me. I thought flowers would be a kind thing to give to her." She let out a small sigh, remembering the times in which the lady had either ignored her presence and refused to talk to her or snapped at her when she did decide on making conversation. "I didn't want to stay like this with her."

The gifting of the flowers though were something she had an idea of when she saw Kanou hanging out in the gardens. She looked was always with the flowers, studying them intently and even picking some of them for her own. It looked like she wanted to create her own bouquet for her room.

There was a small chance that her gift might get thrown out or refused but it was still worth a try. Small acts of kindness would make even the coldest of hearts melt slowly over time. She could only hope that the same would apply to the future queen.

The man smiled, pleased at what he had heard. "If so, then allow me to help you. You can take it as my gratitude for listening to this old fool ramble."

Gyokuen grinned back to the man and for the rest of the afternoon, she spent planning with Lord Kyūkoku about what kind of flowers she should get for her peace offering towards the girl. The older man was gleefully suggesting quite a lot of flowers that Kanou previously liked when she was a kid and she took them in mind when she next went into town to buy the flowers.

* * *

She received a letter from the Doku Family's current head, Doku Yuuka.

Her hands shaking, crumpling the edge of the scroll that she held. The truth was obvious, it always has been. But she had been ignoring it because she wanted to believe that Prince Tokuhaku was only her's. In truth...

...she knew that the woman was right.

* * *

It was the day that the flowers arrived. Gyokuen was ecstatic for the whole day, unable to concentrate from her work from the sheer excitement of having to give lady Kanou a proper gift as something to look forward to. People were noticing the uncharacteristic grin on her face for the entirety that she worked that her adoptive mother took it upon herself to shoo her and let her go do whatever it was that she wanted to do.

So she did just that.

Grabbing the bouquet from her room, she was off to the lady's room. Only to stop in her tracks as there was a commotion happening outside of said place.

"What's going on?" she asked, coming near the distressed and panicking maids. One of them turned to her and said something that made her go pale,

"The lady's gone!"

After hearing that, she forced herself through the throng of women and entered the room despite the protests behind her. The place was untouched, all prim and proper except for what looked like a scroll at the table underneath the window.

There was a feeling of dread the moment her eyes were drawn to it. It was that _same dread_ that she felt when she had crossed paths with the man who burned down Inchou and her heart dropped.

She quickly crossed the space between it and her then immediately opened it.

The contents of the letter confirmed her suspicions and she immediately ran out of the room. In her wake, she left behind her gift of flowers and the message she wanted it to tell to Kanou.

_"This is my proof of friendship and my vow to keep you happy."_

* * *

Her heart was pounding painfully in her chest. She couldn't believe the letter that Kanou had written in her room. _It was absurd,_ was what she had told herself. In truth, she just didn't want to believe it. Of all things, why would she have to resort to suicide? Oh God, she might as well have killed the girl with her _own hands._

The guilt of knowing that she was the cause of all this was too much to bear. She didn't want to see her dead, not when they had just become friends after all of those times that they butted heads.

In reality, the girl hadn't set aside her feelings of hate for Gyokuen. _She knew that,_ and yet she still pretended as if everything was okay when it was not.

_It was her fault,_ and she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she doesn't hurry to where Kanou was. She mentioned in the letter that she would take her life on nearest cliff by Mt. Ki (祈). That if they wish to find her body, she would be there.

"Hiyah!" Hot tears accumulating in her eyes, she urged the horse to go faster, praying and _praying_ that she would make it in time. She desperately wished that she would be able to see the girl alive and well.

_Kanou, please, wait for me._

When she had reached her destination, she went on foot and sprinted as best as she could through the thick lines of the trees. She passed by the Lady's horse just a moment ago, wandering around the forest, lost and agitated. Kanou _had_ to be nearby. She could only hope that she reaches her.

Gyokuen broke through the trees and the sunlight briefly blinded her. When it cleared, accompanied by a breath that she had unknowingly held releasing; there stood Kanou by the edge, her back turned to her. She was beautiful, as she always was.

The gods have heard her prayers and answered accordingly. The opportunity was all that she needed, and she took it without hesitation. She was grateful for the chance and she wanted to use it to talk it through with the girl.

"Kanou!" She had called out, and when the girl had turned, her usual smiling face was wet with tears and a pained expression so unlike her greeted her. It made her heart churn all the more with guilt. This was her friend, and she couldn't believe that a girl she had thought of as the strongest that she had met would be capable of making such an expression.

It hurt. It _really_ hurt.

_"Leave me be!"_

The sight of her tear-stricken face was all it took for Gyokuen's own tears to spill and she pleaded with the girl, "No, please! Let's talk about this!"

"What is there to talk about?" She spoke with such a pained voice. It was clear that she was _so tired._ "I love him. I love him so, _so much._ You knew and yet, all he ever talks about is you. Even when I am right in front of him."

Perhaps had times been different, she would've been happy to hear such words. But instead, all it made her feel was how horrible she was as a person. She loved Tokuhaku and being in the Palace with him by his side was all that she could ever ask. But he doesn't hold the same feelings as she does, _and he never will._ It was why she was just content just staying there.

But if she had known that this would be the outcome of that selfish wish of her, Gyokuen would've never accepted his proposal of working in the Palace. All the good that it had done was bring so much pain to this girl in front of her and she didn't want anyone to experience it. "That's not true, Kanou. He doesn't care about me! The one he is going to marry is you, not me! Please! Stay away from the edge, I'm begging you!"

Her eyes, full of hurt, didn't believe a single word that she had spoken. She merely shook her, her voice laced with disappointment. "The one who lies is _you,_ Gyokuen." She accused, and her heart hammered loudly in her chest.

"H-Huh? No, I-" She made to object. _It was not true!_ She witnessed the truth firsthand from the prince himself. But the lady didn't let her finish.

"I've heard about it from the witch herself."

The revelation shocked Gyokuen to the core. _Lady Yuuka?_

She badly wanted to say that the woman was a liar, that all that she would tell were _lies._ But it was what she had wanted to think about the woman, because in truth, Yuuka had told her nothing but harsh realities. From her own birth, to the reason why she was accepted into the Palace.

Seeing that she had hesitated in objecting her made Kanou continue, her nails digging into her own skin as she kept her head low. She didn't want to meet her gaze. "His highness brought you here to the Palace, not because he wanted to reunite you with Hika, but to marry you. He has no intention of taking me as his wife. _He never had."_

Gyokuen shut her eyes tight, hating the fact that she was hearing all of this now. Her hands were balled into tight fists, holding unto the stupid dress that _he_ gave her. This was not what she wanted. And this was not what the other girl needed. "But he-"

"Please, do not speak any more excuses!" She bit her lip, not meaning to shout but the words had come out before she could help it. "Even if I had not been told, I am not stupid. I can see the fondness in his eyes whenever he talked about you, the way that he followed your form whenever you happened to pass by. It's always the same. I tried so hard to get his attention when all that really mattered to him was _you."_

"Kanou..."

"I could not handle it anymore." She clutched her head, a more pained look overcoming her features. "All these thoughts on my head keep on saying the same thing. _He will never love me._ And I always listened. I don't want to hear them anymore."

"Kanou! No! He loves you! He definitely does!" Gyokuen was quick to say. Because it was true; the prince _does_ love the lady. Even if she shook her head, not believing her words; deep down, it was the one thing that she couldn't deny. The man wasn't very expressive with words, but his actions were louder than his own voice. The other was precious to him, _and it always shows._ "You say that I am always his spoken word but that's not true! He told me how special you are to him! He even told me tales of the paper cranes!"

She winced at her words, at the 'paper cranes'. Delicately, she raised her head to look at the woman in front of her and the defiant expression on her face as she stared head on at her.

"Paper... cranes?" she muttered.

"That's right! About how you spent your days and night folding a thousand of them by yourself so that you can wish him well. He knew that you wanted it kept a secret and yet, he still found out. He was _happy,_ Kanou. He was so grateful to you."

She could still remember when Toku had told her about it when she had inquired about the paper cranes that littered about a table in his room. It lays there, underneath the moonlight and shining brightly. They were all beautiful, all made with careful hand and each one has the phrase written 'I pray for your wellness.'

Kanou always said that he never cared for her. But if that were the case, he wouldn't have told about her with a gentle smile on his face. The paper cranes which were properly taken cared off were all witnesses to that soft spot that the prince held for her.

As if she realized it too, the prince's name left her quivering lips. "...Prince Haku..."

"That being said, he will be sad if you were gone. Have you not thought of that?" Kanou flinched as her eyes welled up with tears once more. Gyokuen's words were slowly moving her. She was almost through. _Just a bit more._ "Not just him, but everyone else too! How about your father?"

That solicited another reaction from the girl, another hostility and denial about the fact. "He won't be sad! He's always so cold to me and he was never a father to me!"

As if the truth that she had always believed for her entire life came bursting forth from where she had carefully kept it under a lock and key. She never talked about her father, but when she was asked, she always smiled modestly as says that he was doing his best as a lord. Now, here she was, the harsh reality that she had built for herself about her own father was one of the very things that was destroying her.

That couldn't have been further from the truth. "...you say that, but Lord Kyūkoku loves you the most."

"..."

Wiping away at her own tears futilely, Gyokuen continued on speaking nothing but high praises for the man, "Yes, you think that way because he's always so distant and you almost do not spend any time together, but he's always talking about you to anyone who listened. He was the reason why you were arranged as a fiancée to the prince. He wanted you to be happy. Not to get you out of the house. He was the most saddened when the Palace had sent people to get you."

The image of her father flashed in her mind. It was from when she had visited him with Gyokuen. He had been genuinely happy that she had come back home after such a long time. All she felt was bitterness at his smile, thinking that it had been fake despite the fact that it was the warmest that she had ever seen. "And I always thought that..."

She was horrible. Oh so, _so horrible to him._ He did all that he could to make her happy, and what did she return to him? _Nothing but scorn._ She always thought that she had been unhappy, always sad whenever he had been busy.

In truth, she just missed her father. She missed when he had always smiled back when her mother had been alive, back when their family was still happy as they can be.

Just like Gyokuen, she wondered why she was only hearing of all this now.

"He will be sad by your departure as well, I bet my life on it. He's also not the only one who'll be sad if you were gone. _What about me?"_

Of all the things that she was told, the confession was probably the one that surprised her the most. "...what...?"

"Do you think I'll be happy if you were gone?" She asked the girl, the wind blowing her hair on her face but it did nothing to hide the sincere look that she had in her face. Before Kanou would answer, she did the honors herself. She already knows how she'll felt after her loss. _"No, of course not._ You were mean to me when I first got here but you were the only one who talked to me and so I wanted to be friends. I tried my best so that we could at least be able to talk without any hostility and soon enough, _we became friends._ I was so happy about it. I don't want to lose you too. Just like everyone else around you, I will be sad too, so _please._ Think this through."

"..."

She didn't say anything, making her heart hammer in her chest painfully from the wait. She didn't want to have to wait for the answer for what felt like forever, but it was all that she could do. That, and to pray that her true feeling reaches the girl.

Kanou already know what she was to do next. She didn't want to have to leave the world, not when she had realized that so many people would dearly miss her. Even the ones that she thought had no care for her. She just hadn't been looking at their true feelings hard enough. Rather, it was that she had looked _too much._ So much so that she fooled herself into thinking that they didn't want her when it was the opposite thing.

Her beloved Tokuhaku, her own father... and even Gyokuen herself.

They all cared for her and showed it in their own ways. Had she known all of this sooner, she wouldn't have had the need to stand where she is, on the brink of death if she had just stepped back a tad bit.

In her constant denial, she buried her yearning for friends, for love, for her father underneath all her harsh words and scorn. All she wanted was to be _happy._

_Isn't life such a funny thing?_

"...do you think that..."

"H-Huh?" She was surprised when the girl had spoken up, and she raised her head to look at the other who for the first time, showed such a sincere smile at her. Truly, it fit her beautiful face more than her scowls and it was a relief to see.

"Do you think they'll be mad at me?"

_There, it suits you better._

Gyokuen grinned at her, showing her the biggest smile that she could muster. "...I'm not going to lie. They will, but that was only because you made them worry, running off like that."

Tears, this time from joy, fell deftly from her cheeks and she reached out a hand to the other girl. Yes, _she was happy._ "Then I am happy. Gyokuen, I-"

There was what sounded like a slice in the air, akin to the one that a sword makes when its bearer had moved to attack.

Before the blue-haired girl's own eyes, the reflection of Kanou swayed as she tilted backwards. Her joyful expression slowly morphed to shock as she grabbed at the air helplessly, looking or something to hold on to. But there was nothing. And in an instant, she disappeared from view, leaving _her_ frozen in her spot with her arm stretched out.

The longer it took her to process what had happened, the more painful it had gotten to swallow. And when she had moved, it was too late; far, _far too late._

**"KANOU!"**

She had ran to the edge and screamed for the girl, only to have the image of her mangled body burning an eternal image in her mind; one that she would never forget for the rest of her life.

_Yes, isn't life funny?_

From beside her, there stood the lady's feet, still in the way that they were back when the girl had been standing.

* * *

She didn't know how long she stayed there. But it felt like a long time. All she did was stare, unable to form words as Kanou was slowly casted with shadows. Even all that she could see on the edge of her vision were all covered in darkness at the moment that she got ahold of herself.

Her eyes felt dry, her skin felt uncomfortable due to the cold pricking her exposed face, neck, and hands. Again, how long had she stayed there? Just letting her guilt gnaw her from the inside when she knew that she could've done things better.

She was going to come back home. She already had a smile on her face. She already reached out to her. All she had to do was grab her hand and things would've ended well.

_She could've come home._

And yet, whatever that was, took that fragile life away from her still. As if she was to never meant to stay alive.

What a horrible, horrible fate it was.

The urge to cry was back again. But even if she wanted to, no tears would come out. She already cried most of them. She doubted she had any more in her to shed. Still, it didn't make her feel any better about her situation. She needed to go back to the Palace. Everyone must've been worried by then and they _needed_ to know what had happened to Kanou.

So with that, she willed herself to stand up and ripped off the entirety of her sleeve. She used it to pick up what was left of the lady and held unto it tightly. It was the only thing that belonged to the girl that she could bring back.

Gyokuen started to walk back to where she left her horse and she saw it still standing at where she had left him. Beside him though, a familiar horse was beside it, obviously distraught. It was the lady's horse, Kusou (駆早), and looking at the poor thing, she knew that it was looking for the other girl.

Swallowing, she slowly came near, shushing the horse as best she could to calm it down. When she was near enough, she petted the thing by its neck until it was calm enough not to be bothered by her.

She didn't say anything. _She couldn't,_ and she wondered whether it would be the same once she had to face Kanou's loved ones about her demise.

Biting her lip, she grabbed ahold of the lead-rope and mounted her own horse. With that, she started her way back down the mountain and into the lit city below them, Kusou trailing along behind them.

* * *

Gyokuen stayed silent for the most part of her travel, the horses with her all travelling at a slow pace as she followed the road back. She was in a bit of a daze, her body moving and guiding the horses on autopilot. She was too deep in her thoughts to pay attention. Maybe that was the reason why the one she was on nearly ran itself over to a tree. Still, her own well-being wasn't of importance.

_What was she going to tell everyone?_ That Kanou was willing to go back but for some other wordly reason, there she was, separated from her feet at the ankles and fell to her death anyway? She wondered who would even believe her if she hadn't brought said lady's _feet._ Still, even with that, would they even believe her? Would they think that she had a dislike for the other young woman too that she had to make this elaborate story to cover up a murder?

...she wouldn't blame them. She couldn't even believe the events still. The lady's mangled body was burned in her memory that she doubted she would forget it any time soon.

Gyokuen wished that she had the energy to laugh. Even with what had happened, she found it funny that all the worse things that could've happened to her already happened.

What else fate had in store for her?

...did she even want to know?

* * *

As what she had expected, people took the news hard. There were screaming, crying, anger was even present in the air but most of all... everyone was just in disbelief. Was Kanou really gone? Just like that? It wasn't until she uncovered the pair of feet she had did things took for a worse. When they had realized what she had in her hands was the moment that she was hit.

It was Kyūkoku, and the expression he wore was the one fitting of his features. Just like when Gyokuen had first met him, he looks scary. But at that time, she really felt just how malicious that anger was and how that very same thing was aimed at her.

She could only hold her cheek as it continued stinging when the man spat out the words,

_"Never show your face to me ever again."_

The appendages that was left of Kanou was taken from her and people dispersed, following after the man himself.

It was a shame. She really liked the man. He was a good father to his daughter and although busy times kept him away from Kanou, it was clear from their talk from before that he really loved her. Gyokuen herself admired him as well. But that seems so silly now, especially since that same person looked at her in hatred just like his daughter once did to her.

Now, she stood alone, feeling much more of an outcast than before. People hated her and she couldn't blame them. She hated herself too.

Tokuhaku, the lady's former husband-to-be, stayed even when everyone had left scorning her. He didn't say anything, and instead just came closer to her and pulled her into a hug. Even so, she didn't need to hear his true feelings to know that Kanou's death hit him just as hard as everyone else. Yet there he was, masking those same feelings and pushing it aside to comfort her.

"Be mad at me." She muttered against him, losing her strength to even try and push him away. That was a reasonable thing for him to do; _be angry._ She already expected it from him but he refused to do so.

"No." was his simple reply and Gyokuen grew frustrated with that. She tried to pull away but he kept his hold on her.

"Why... You have _every right._ I **killed** her. It was all my fault. I couldn't save her! I really tried!" She wished that she could shed tears more, but even then, they stubbornly refused to come out. She had cried a lot before, but it was the first time that she had ever run out of tears to cry. All she could do was sob helplessly, her hand still trying to pull away from the prince. "I really, _really_ tried. I didn't want her to die. _I_ _never wanted her to die."_

Tokuhaku's hands that held her shook as he petted the top of her hair, shushing her with his voice equally shaking. He was hurting, that was clear enough, but he still insisted on prioritizing on comforting her first rather than give attention to his own ones.

"It's alright. Everything is alright."

...

..

.

_It's not. It will_ _**never** _ _be alright again._

* * *

There was a funeral held in Shi Kanou's name. It was a somber event, and the entire country of Kou mourned for the entirety of it, even for months that had passed since then. Many people turned up to show their condolences to the deceased lady. Cousins, in-laws, friends, acquaintances, family... all paid a visit to the Palace.

They were all lucky that they didn't get to see the lady's body. After it had been retrieved from the bottom of the cliff of Mt. Ki, no one would ever wish to do so. It was a horrible sight. People wouldn't forget such a thing for as long as they lived. Gyokuen wouldn't _ever_ forget.

But even when the event was made to honor the late Kanou, the throne was still the talk from everyone.

"What will happen to Kou now?"

"Is the Crown Prince even fit to rule after he had lost his wife-to-be?"

"We need not a weak King."

There were many, many other concerns that people had, and the current King listened to them all. But the one that he had been hearing a lot more was about his youngest son.

"Tokukou should be King."

The thought bothered him more, especially since it was the future of Kou that they were talking about. He is not that quite fond of his youngest.

The young man's mother, Concubine Kokushi was urging on his son's recent behavior. He had the skills to lead but making fear the prime drive for everyone under him was something to look down upon. It would only cause fragile relationship between the commander and his men. That bond should be forged from loyalty and sincerity, not loyalty and _fear._

Even if he was their father, he was still the King of Kou. The country is his highest priority with family next. But he knew that either one of his sons have equal rights to the throne. It was only because people often favored his oldest that he was pronounce the Crown Prince. Now, that favor stood on a shaky foundation as people switched to the youngest instead.

Perhaps, the brewing war with Gou from the west was what was making the people anxious to be protected by someone strong. Still, King Tokuden did not want to make any wrong decisions and silence everyone that expressed their favor to Tokukou. The current Crown Prince, will be and will always stay, as the future King of Kou.

But that decision stands on one condition, that before the Harvest Festival starts, a new wife-to-be must be engaged to Tokuhaku before he can claim the throne. And with everyone present at the hall before him, he announced this new bride.

"Doku Gyokuen would be the prince's fiancée."

At his words, people were shocked and instantly, they burst into murmurs as more and more of them were outraged. The thought of an abandoned daughter from the Doku Family marrying into the royal family? It was unheard of.

Even the prince himself was shocked at the proposition from his father. "What? But father, she won't-" He didn't get to finish his sentence when his brother's voice rang out in the hall, silencing everyone.

_"Why her!?"_

He stood from kneeling in front of his father, his own mother doing the same as him. In his face was a heated glare, unlike any that the king had received from him before. He was against the idea; very, _very_ badly so.

"That is because she is from the noble house of Doku. And I see no other daughters from our noble houses that is fit to take on the role of being queen."

At his words, people were quick to have him change his mind. But he was having none of it. With finality in his tone, he told everyone to leave him be.

Tokukou had to be escorted out by his mother as he was about to burst in his anger. Meanwhile, Tokuhaku stayed behind.

"Father. Why? Gyokuen... she will not be able to handle the responsibilities of standing beside me." He pleaded at the older man to change his mind. But that didn't happen.

"You were the one who wanted my permission to marry this woman."

He bit his lip at that, and stayed quiet. It was true. That was the primary reason why he brought her in the Palace. But the more time he spends with her, the more he realizes that he didn't want to burden her of being his wife and queen to Kou. So he had never mentioned about the real reason why she was taken there. It wasn't just because he wanted to reunite her with her adoptive mother, Hika.

"Listen, Tokuhaku." The prince rose his head an met the gaze of his father and king. "What this country needed is a King like you. Strong, yet has a pure heart. One who places others first before himself and his family. _That_ is what our people need. They don't need someone who rules purely out of fear, whose respect given to him is as fickle as it can get."

He hadn't the need to say his next words for Tokuhaku to understand what he had wanted to say.

_"This country needs you. Not your brother."_

* * *

Tokuhaku knew that something was up when his brother suddenly came up to him later that day. In his hands, he held two sets of swords and he threw one of them towards him.

"Fight me."

That was all that he had said, and he didn't need to explain further. He already knew the reason for his sudden interest in a spar was about the throne. He was so close to getting it had their father let the ministers speak. Yet he didn't listen and stayed firm on his initial decision of having the older son as the rightful heir to the throne.

Toku can understand his anger, but their father's words weighed heavily in his mind. He realized, he may not have wanted the throne but he didn't want it to end up on his brother's hands either.

After all, those who had the means and wanted to rule are the ones who are least suitable for it.

So with a frown, he accepted the challenge and got into a proper stance. Tokukou himself did the same thing and it was silent for a moment. Both waited for the first signal to lunge and that came with the sudden flight of nearby birds.

* * *

He had always been so hostile to him. From the way he stood composed in front of others, the genuine respect people held for him, and up to how he stayed true to his ideals of peace.

It infuriated him to no end. People _always_ compared him to his older brother; he who was quick to anger, he who ruled his men through fear, and he who spared no one for standing in his way. He was the youngest, unfit for the throne, as they said. It was never meant for him, even by birth right.

That person, that _Tokuhaku,_ had everything he wanted easily handed to him instead.

It wasn't even a secret that his highness, their father Ren Tokuden, favored him more out of the two of them.

He remembered him fussing over his brother when he came home with a bruise on his face. "I wanted to stop them from fighting," he said after he was caught sneaking into the Palace from the outside. They were forbidden from leaving unless they were properly accompanied by soldiers but he snuck out and came back to the worried faces of their father and his mother.

Meanwhile, he had done the same thing prior and came back beaten but victorious in the fight others provoked him into. And what did he get? Disappointment.

_"Prince, you started another fight?"_

_"They were the one who started it!"_

_"That does not excuse your actions! You are a prince! Conduct yourself in that proper manner! Be more like your older brother!"_

_"My king, that is enough."_

_"Father..."_

Tokukou used to be guilty about the brewing resentment he held for Tokuhaku, but he would never forget that day. When he was yet again compared to his brother. He was so sick of hearing it, of everyone looking at him like he was no good. He wanted that throne just as much as the other prince did but there was no chance for him to get it. He realized that on that day.

It was the unfair truth.

But what made his blood boil all the more was when Tokuhaku had the gall to look at him with worry.

After that, he dedicated himself to learning more how to fight. _Someday,_ he would think, _I would fight him and I will claim that throne for myself._ There was no one else who can compete against him when it comes to being king. If he can forcefully take it from his brother, then he would have won.

This hate was his primary drive for doing his best when he had taken command of his own army. Finally, people looked at him with awe. But their respect was so much more shallow than the ones his brother's men had for him.

It was still not enough, and he was pushing himself to be better; more and _more._ But the longer he went on, the more he was burning himself out. It came to the point where he wondered if the gap between them had been closer than it was all those years ago.

It wasn't until he met that girl that he realized that someone out there existed who looked at him for who he was as a person and not at his status.

_"I don't care if you are a prince! Own up to your wrong-doing!"_

But even she was taken away from him.

The truth came out from his own father, when it was officially announced that Gyokuen was to marry the first prince Tokuhaku. It hadn't been that long since Kanou had died. And yet... there was her own fiancée, about to marry someone else.

_Unfair... it was so_ _**unfair.** _

Tokuhaku hadn't been content with the throne, he wanted to have the person he fell in love with as his instead. What did he have that he didn't for her to look at him so differently?

All of his frustrations was nearing the breaking point as the apparent wedding loomed closer and closer. And in front of his brother, whose sword was pointed at his neck, he made a vow as his hate burned fiercely.

"I _will_ have her."

As the rain heavily pelted them from above, his brother showed him an expression he had never directed at him before. He, who always smiled that irritating smile and wore nothing but worry to him, had traces of a brewing hate on his face.

And he told him,

"I won't let you."

With a newfound vigor, Tokukou found himself holding his disarmed sword once more and he lunged for his brother.

* * *

There was a sound from outside her window. It was footsteps at first before a pained groan followed. That then resulted to ragged breathing that sounded like whoever it was got themselves hurt. She opened the window and looked outside to see who it was, only to be surprised at a familiar prince leaning against the wall below her window.

"Tokukou?" He was bleeding, and the sight of him was enough to send her into a panic. She jumped over her window and was instantly crouched beside him, looking him over first before she touches him and inflict unnecessary pain. "What the hell happened to you!?"

From what she could see, there was a large gash on his arm, and he was bleeding out fast. She had to stop it before she starts taking care of it. What had he gotten himself into?

"I got into a fight with Tokuhaku," was his simple answer. Before she could express her worry over the other too, he cut her off as he spat bitterly, "He won. He obviously did, and he was unharmed. _The bastard."_

She resisted the urge to whack him upside the head and inflict further damage to him. "How childish can the two of you get? _What are you even fighting about?"_

_You,_ was the first answer that popped into his mind but the ones that left his lips were, "The throne." For some reason, he was too cowardly to tell her the other half of the truth.

Just then, there was a voice that sounded from the room over Gyokuen's, it was Hika's and the voice belonged to the older prince, Toku.

He grabbed her wrist, stopping her from calling out to the other prince. "Don't," he said through gritted teeth, his eyes challenging her to do the opposite of what he said. Gyokuen was expecting some kind of threat to leave his lips but it had been different and was so unlike him at all. "Stay by me instead."

What has gotten into him all of a sudden? Even so, worried she may have been for Tokuhaku, she decided to honor his request and stayed with him instead. If he was telling the truth, then the other didn't need her but his bleeding brother does. So he was her first priority.

Tokukou found that talking added to his pain, so while Gyokuen worked on dressing his wounds, he merely watched.

"Ow! Watch it!"

...well, _mostly_ watched. He still complained whenever he see fit. By the end of it, Gyokuen had been so tired of it that she debated stabbing him herself and undoing her own work. That's something she had been tempted to do ever since he first complained, if she was being really honest.

Then suddenly, the red-head extended his hand towards her. There was this indescribable expression on his face that shifted into something sad when she moved to avoid it. She was confused as to what he was trying to do.

She got her answer when he moved quickly and retrieved a leaf from amidst her hair.

"You're a goddamn, idiot," he told her, successfully riling her up.

"What did you say!?"

He didn't answer, instead, he stood up and walked away from her. In his hand, he crumpled the browned leaf until what was left was practically dust.

_What in the... what's gotten into him?_

* * *

Tokuhaku didn't know how to break the news to Gyokuen, but he had to find a way. It was set, the king had decided on it and all that was left was Doku Yuuka's blessing. But even that was just formality.

So when he had found her later that day, he didn't beat around the bush and told her straight up, apologising all the while. He knew that after Kanou, there would be no way she was going to agree to it.

And he was right, as Gyokuen immediately broke down into tears clinging on to him as he continued his murmurs of apology. But her words were what led to his surprise,

_"I'm a horrible person."_

* * *

The matriarch of Doku's blessing was all that was needed for the wedding to proceed. People hoped that it would be difficult to get it from Lady Yuuka but that wasn't the case. It had been easy. _Too easy._

The messenger who sent to get the answer recounted that it had been an eerie encounter with the woman. She had grinned, far too wide than what was considered normal and comfortable before spending the better part of the minute laughing loudly. As if she found the news of her unwanted child marrying the future king something to be laughed about.

That may well be the case because right after, she righted herself up as if she didn't just have bout of moment that made the messenger consider that she was losing her sanity. Then she simply said with an eerily happy smile,

"I give my blessings to the future king and queen of Kou."

Immediately, the date for the wedding was set. Despite the various concerns for the Doku Family's supposed plan to claim the throne for themselves, Tokuhaku and Gyokuen's wedding was fast approaching.

* * *

Just before she was to permanently stay at the Palace, Toku snuck Gyokuen out on the night of the harvest festival. He told her that he wanted her to at least get out at least once before she was to marry him as there was a high chance there wouldn't be any more possibilities for her to do so.

They would be gone for days, and it'll certainly cause a ruckus, but he was quick to assure her that everything would be fine. And so, she accepted his hand as he hoisted her up on a horse. Just like that, they were gone.

Inchou was on sight after a few days and the closer they got, the more nervous Gyokuen had felt. A few days prior, they stopped at a nearby town to change their clothes to avoid suspicion but even so, had the people of her village came back there and stayed, they would still recognize her and the prince.

She was right.

No sooner had they came in sight did the people started approaching them. Seeing them all made Gyokuen's heart grow lighter, if only just a bit. They _stayed,_ after all. They rebuilt Inchou from the ground up, and it wasn't even that long ago when they had just been mourning their loss.

From amidst the people crowding around them, Shuku broke through the crowd and welcomed them with a large smile. Word travelled _fast._ Or maybe she had just been in the vicinity. "Gyokuen! Tokuhaku! Er... I mean, _prince._ "

The man behind her let out a light laugh, getting off the horse and helping her down as well. "It's alright, Shuku. Call me Toku as usual. We're friends, after all." She grinned at him for that before she gathered her childhood friend in her hands and hugging her tightly.

"Gyokuen, I missed you so much too."

She smiled, "Me too."

Excusing themselves from everyone, Gyokuen and Toku let the other girl lead them away. Apparently, the folks had opened up a new restaurant. It was smaller than the first one had been, but it had been easier to maintain and get acquainted with their customers. Though nowadays, most of them had been local with their regular traveler ones rarely showing up. But that was fine, she assured them. They had been doing well than ever.

When they got to the new restaurant, it had appeared much quainter and homier than the last one. The latter had been a cluster of chaos at the during peak hours but for this new one, it was... quieter. Peaceful, almost.

It looked like there were few customers hanging around. That meant that Shuku had time to catch up with the both of them. She wanted to hear _everything_ that had gone on, and so they told her. Least to say, she was quite surprised.

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?"

_"SHHH!"_ Gyokuen was the first to shush her, growing uncomfortable from the piercing stares that the customers gave them. The green-haired woman had stood up, slamming her hands on the table, effectively shaking the various pastries there. Toku had to catch a glass before it fell and made a mess.

He showed a faint smile. "Surprising, isn't it?"

Spluttering, Shuku struggled on what to say for a moment. _"How? Didn't you have a fian-... oh. That's right."_

There was an uncomfortable silence that followed, and it was the prince himself who broke it first. Despite what the people present at that time thought, the rumor of his now betrothed's involvement in Kanou's death was strictly kept at the Palace only. It wasn't surprising that their friend from Inchou hadn't known about the circumstances.

Still, there was one other secret he wouldn't mind sharing, and that was about Gyokuen's true family.

"It's alright. Father was fine with Gyokuen, she's a daughter from Doku after all."

"Hey, Toku." The young woman beside him sent a glare his way that he returned with a smile.

Suddenly, Shuku collapsed back to her chair and she murmured, almost to herself, "The Doku family. _Wow."_

Gyokuen bit her lip, before sighing, ruffling her hair. "It's complicated."

Even when they hadn't seen each other for a long time, her best friend still knew her well. She didn't want to talk about it, whatever it was. Still, that was an insane thing that they just dropped on her. Who knew that her friend was actually from a noble family? Looking at her, she certainly had the looks for it but judging by her current expression of conflict, she doubted she had any idea in the first place.

Still, she had heard rumors about that certain family. There's word of mouth that the females there turn violent and insane. Her friend didn't seem like that would happen to her, but she was worried. Reaching across the table, she held Gyokuen's hand in her's, squeezing them. She was sure that her worry showed in her face too. She had always told her she was easy to read like that.

"Be careful, okay?"

She returned her worry with a small, unsure smile. "I will."

* * *

They stayed at Inchou for no more than half a day before they were off again. Shuku insisted that they stay and rest, but they had to go soon. They only snuck out after all. The less time they were outside the castle walls, the better it would be. That didn't ease her worry but in exchange of letting them go on their way, they had to take the food she made for their oncoming journey.

Gyokuen and Toku were more than happy to do so. They were fond of her cooking, after all.

With one last goodbye, they were off. The journey back was just as silent as when they were on their way but this time, she felt lighter for some reason. It was as if a burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. There was nothing for her to worry about on Inchou anymore.

"Toku?" She called out at him, making him turn his attention down at her and humming in response. "...Thank you."

She could see him, but she had this inkling that he was smiling at her.

"You're welcome."

* * *

The nagging they got and the punishment from the king to be separated until their marriage day was almost worth it. _Almost._

* * *

The day of the wedding was the biggest event that everyone in Kou was to celebrate. It was something that doesn't just happen every year. This was a marriage between their future king and queen, whose coronation was to happen at the same day.

Just like how she thought it would be, it was a stiff event, and it went on till the late hours of the night. She wasn't used to make up donning her face, to wearing layers upon layers of robes (it was heavy), and to having to follow proper movements strictly as everyone was watching. As they said to her, the future queen was not supposed to make mistakes.

Overall, it had been a very stressful day for her. Even after that, she would still be heavily scrutinized due to her background as a former country bumpkin. The only thing she had going for her was... her name. _The Doku name._

She would not be standing there, had the incident with Kanou hadn't happened and if it weren't for her birth family's name. God, that family still hated her guts. She can feeling it radiating from those who had attended.

And Kanou... Kanou was... preparing for this event ever since she had been a kid, right? She should've been standing at the very spot where she was. This was what she had wanted. From among the crowd that had gathered, she can feel the hate from the Shi family and their supporters as well.

Can one even imagine being both families that hated each other now having a common person they directed their hate towards to?

She had gotten lucky, is what happened to her.

From beside her Tokuhaku stood composed as ever, smiling politely like he always do. Like her, there were many who wanted Tokukou to be king rather than him. But compared to them, he had more supporters.

Then, right after this ceremony comes the coronation. There, he would be crowned as king and her queen.

She was not excited for it.

* * *

Her first pregnancy was the moment when she had been the most frightened for the first time in a while. The entire Palace knew about it before her husband did and it had been pure chaos, left and right. She was _pregnant_ with the _first child_ of their new king. There would be a lot of trouble, that was for sure, and people from various noble families came to see her and Toku to gain favor.

She was sick of them the first few days. She was also sick of her pregnancy but in a different way. It was nauseating to be eating for two, eh? Well... she hadn't known that. And seeing that it was her first time being pregnant, she was also kind of panicking a little.

Hika, who hadn't experienced it, tried her best to help using her experience in child birth from previous patients. Assuring her that no, that won't happen, and absolutely _do not_ do that thing you wanted to do. It's dangerous.

Gyokuen listened... a little bit, so people saw her pregnancy as troublesome to deal with.

Either way, even while pregnant, she was still being taught about proper manners and how a queen of their country should properly conduct herself in front of others. For some reason, she was under the impression that she actually wasn't learning anything but her teachers merely brushed her off.

The following months, Gyokuen only got to see Toku a handful of times. Tension had risen higher than before between Kou and Gou, he was busy preparing for what might result as war in the coming months that there was a chance he would miss his the birth of his first child. There was also that worry for him that he may come back injured one day. War hadn't officially started but when it does, it comes as a surprise.

She only hoped that he would come back safe.

There was also Koutoku's case. He had gone off the rails, spending his days drinking. She can never catch him sober and when she does, he easily snaps at her like the way it had been the first few times they had met. She hated seeing him waste his life away, especially since she had gotten to know him just a few years back and he was so close to opening up to her. Only to immediately close back up.

Was losing the throne to his brother really affected him that much? And was that really all there is to it? She softened wondered where things had gotten wrong for him.

Then, it had been the middle of the winter when Gyokuen went into labour.

* * *

It was storming especially bad that day. But she could still remember the pain she went through that lasted for what seemed like days.

The contractions started relatively tolerable. She can still ignore it at times. Then, the next waves would get her to grit her teeth. Like Hika had told her, they start to intensify until it hurt way to much to even move around her bed.

She was right, but she wanted to stay strong and tried to hold of giving birth until after Hakutoku got back. He was to come back that same week and she needed to hold on for him. But that proved to be impossible when the pain got too unbearable that she wanted it to stop.

They started the labour process while the king tried his best to hurry back.

Gyokuen spent hours and _hours,_ pushing and pushing. She felt like she was going to die at most times but having her adoptive mother by her side and cheering her on to keep going, she found that she couldn't die just yet.

She wanted to witness this child grow up and be an amazing person, to pursue their dreams and be happy. But most of all, she wanted to witness this family grow.

And so, she kept on going.

By the time that the baby was out, was the exact arrival of her husband, the king, who busted through the door. He was covered from top to bottom with snow and he left trails of it his wake as he went towards her.

As a greeting and a congratulations for a job well done, he kissed her forehead, as well as their first son's.

They named him Hakuyuu, the white hero.

* * *

Hakuyuu was already in the process of speaking when he was followed after by his next sibling. The labour this time around was easier but that didn't mean it still didn't require quite amount of effort. This time, even with the slowly brewing war against Gou, Tokuhaku made sure that he was there for his second son's birth.

He noted that it was a beautiful process but also very painful and traumatic.

That being said, their oldest son was mostly amused by his new brother. He often expressed how tiny he was, compared to him . It was a cute sight to witness. Even their grandparents have become very fond of their grand children.

Though... there was _one_ grand parent that didn't feel the same. There was a stunt that her biological mother did on the night of Hakuyuu's birth that she suddenly remembered. She wanted to harm him, spouting nonsense like wanting to sacrifice him, _for_ _ **her.**_

She didn't get to go through her plans as Hakutoku stopped her. For what seemed like the first time, Gyokuen saw him as the maddest he had been.

She was sent away to the country side where she could no longer bother them.

It was... quiet for those few years. She could still hear _her_ , but it was at the point where she could ignore her if she wanted to. That didn't faze _her,_ though. She only continued on murmuring what seemed like threats disguised as sweet murmurs.

* * *

The first time she lost consciousness and gave way for another person to take over was just after her son Hakuren's fourth birthday. It was a night with a grand feast, celebrating the fact that a royal child was able to live so long without sickness taking them. If children surviving for long was celebrated by mere common folk, the Palace does the same thing with their young princes and princesses. And it was a night to be happy.

Hakuren came out with his escorts, dressed in these adorable light blue robes that she herself picked out and he was smiling widely. Right behind the younger boy was his brother and the crown prince, Hakuyuu, donning his favorite color combination of dark blue and black; and he wore a more reserved smile.

The two were of different ages but they had been inseparable ever since the youngest was born. Hakuyuu took a liking to his younger brother and protected him from harm, while Hakuren clung to his older brother, basking in the attention he was giving him. To be honest, it seemed as if her eldest son loved the other more than Gyokuen has.

But she was the mother, the one who gave birth to them, and her love easily rivaled theirs when it comes to each other. The same can be said to their father as well. Although he wasn't there most of the time, the spare moments he had were spent in the presence of his sons. Truly, he loved them as much as she did.

But on that night of a giant feast, Gyokuen returned to her room after having suffered a bout of dizziness. She was nowhere near alcohol and the few she had at the start was not even enough to make her tipsy. She _knows_ that, having been a heavy drinker back when she was younger just to show that even as a woman, she can handle alcohol. But the nausea had been weird, and surprising.

What was happening to her?

She had gotten inside when the throbbing in her head was now accompanied by ringing. It wouldn't go away, even when she had asked for a medicine, something, _anything_ to make it disappear. All for naught. And then...

She lost consciousness.

And when she came to, a decorative sword was drawn in her hands and a maid was staring at her fearfully from a corner, clutching a bleeding hand to her chest. Gyokuen was so shocked that she dropped the sword and ran from there, ignoring the concerned yells of her retainers as she just continued running.

Faster, faster, _faster._

Or else Hakutoku was going to find out and he was going to hate her. The ministers, the soldiers, the maids, they were going to talk about her and they were going hate her. She was a problem child before but she never did something like hurt someone with a sword or any weapon, at all.

Oh God, what did she do? What happened?

In the deepest corners of her mind, she heard a laugh. But in her haste to run and hide, she did not notice.

Then as she rounded a corner, she bumped into the last person she wanted to meet. The last person she wanted to see _her_ covered in blood that was not hers; Hakutoku.

_"Gyokuen? My dear, what is wrong?"_

She remembered his voice being so soothing that night. That even when his eyes had flickered to the stains that ran down her dress, he still gazed at her as if there was nothing to be worried about. Before she knew it, she had hugged the man she loved dear to her heart and cried.

He said nothing and hugged her back.

The next day, the young maid had lost her hand. And not a word of the incident that night of Prince Hakuren's birthday was spoken ever again.

* * *

The second time it happened was almost a full year from the first, just weeks before the Palace spends yet another birthday of her youngest son. The same signs from prior appeared like the dizziness and ringing in her ear. But this time, it happened faster and when she blacked out, she remembered that she was still standing in the middle of the hall with her maids hovering over her in concern.

When she had regained her consciousness, she was kneeling before a bloodied corpse in a familiar room. There was a dark cloak surrounding her figure and in her hand, was a dagger that was wet with something. Even though it was night, as much as she did not want to know what it was that she had done now, the strong smell of copper was in the air and making her sick. It was hard to pretend that the substance in the dagger was not blood, that the person in front of her was not moving, that said person was her _mother._

Unable to bear the fact, she retched.

And unto the horrified face of her mother too who was stuck in an eternal scream from the agonizing death she had caused her.

But Gyokuen did not care.

She did not _care._

At least, that what she was trying to fool herself with. In reality, all she wanted to do was empty out her stomach, imagining that the horrible scene in front of her and the weight of what she had done would along with it. She just _wanted_ to not care so that perhaps, things would've been easier.

Afterwards, she started blacking out frequently. Hakutoku whom she had told of her crimes kept her secret to himself, intending on taking it to the grave like she would. She was relieved, but that was quickly washed with guilt. She did not want him to know, but if she had kept it to herself, she knew she would've gone crazy.

He was going to find out sooner or later, right? There was no way she could hide it; not when her hands shook whenever she remembered. Even the sight of old ladies was enough to make her nauseated.

* * *

Since then, she would lock herself away in a room and refusing to meet anyone in fear she might black out and _do it_ again. There are a select few who gets to meet her, even her husband and sons were kept away due to her request. She was adamant not to hurt anyone again; especially her family. It was just too much.

Back when her mother was alive, she was known to be senile. She had been banished to the country side due to having threatened Hakuyuu's life at birth. She was spouting nonsense about making _him_ a sacrifice to _her,_ so that _she_ would get out and _out_ of her head, so that she would finally be at peace.

They were lucky that her firstborn was not harmed, but it was enough to invoke the anger of her husband, the king.

She was prohibited from coming near them after that and as the carriage drove her away, they did not see her ever again.

And as Gyokuen watched from the walls of the palace, she was yet again reminded of a strange curse that seemed to always happen to the women of their family. At one point in time in their lives, they start hearing voices and hallucinating. They slowly grew violent too until they were so mentally unstable that they start taking lives and then... they just _stopped._

They returned to normal, albeit a bit eerie than before but they were fine again. No more babbling nonsense, no more nightmares, no more tendencies to lash out at anyone. It was almost as if they went through a violent phase and grew out of it.

Those that she had known that went through such a thing were grandmother, her aunt, a sister to her great grandmother, and now, her own mother too. It happened so often in their family that she was afraid she was next.

But she kept fooling herself with thoughts that she had a great many sisters. Surely out of the seven, she was unlikely to be caught by the curse, right?

...oh, she was so naïve.

Naïve to think that she would not be picked.

But with her more affluent way of living as queen of Kou, she provided the very same thing that the _curse_ was after that her sisters lacked. _That_ was the reason why _she_ chose _her._

* * *

Right now, she was hiding out in her room, afraid of the same things her mother had been talking about all those years ago. If there really was an evil spirit that took over their bodies forcefully, then the telltale signs of it were already showing itself. She had _killed,_ already. Spirit or whatever, she did not want something so sickening using her body for even worse deeds.

If she can help it, then she would stay cooped up for as long as her body could last. She was determined to do it if it meant that her family would be out of harms way.

After two months of hiding away, Gyokuen had started to miss her husband and sons terribly.

She knew that what she was doing was for their own good, she didn't know when she would lose consciousness next after all and the wait was making her restless. It could happen at any moment. She did not want to have to hurt her sons when it did.

The queen was barely eating anymore, only touching her food every few days while she would drink pitchers of water to survive longer.

The maids who are assigned to care for her did not know why she was doing these things to herself but the woman herself can always feel their glances of pity. It was clear she wished to die, but she was also selfishly clinging unto the world. She couldn't blame them for their feelings of sympathy towards her.

If only killing herself was as easy as plunging a knife to herself like what she did to her mother.

Then... there was a noise outside her estate that immediately caught her attention. At first, she merely glanced at the direction with disinterest, but as it came closer, she could hear a familiar voice among the varied ones from those of the panicking maids.

She stared wide-eyed at the door as a silhouette of a familiar man stood in front of her door and ordered for the maids to move out of his way, promising punishment if they continue to be stubborn. But they were only following her orders, weren't they? Even so, what was he doing there?

The maids slowly left and it wasn't long before it was only Gyokuen and Hakutoku in the place.

Perhaps because she was allowing herself a selfish thought of seeing the person she loved, she immediately head for the door and was already down on her knees, head held low as a greeting and refusing the gaze of the king as he entered.

It was like she was back as a commoner and the prince himself visited her home. The same feelings from back then were running through her and she could not help but think the same things as well.

She was not worthy of that man. _Why did it have to be her?_

* * *

_"You really think... that I should choose by my own? Am I even allowed to choose anymore?"_

_"You are allowed to choose. Please... be happy."_

* * *

Gyokuen didn't understand why she was remembering that memory right now. But she soon realized when Hakutoku brought her to stand and embraced her. Almost immediately, she broke down and wrapped her arms around him tightly, as if he was going to disappear.

_"I chose you for a reason, Gyokuen."_

She had forgotten those words he had told her all those years ago. And just by remembering gave her back the strength she needed to stay strong.

* * *

Even so, the battle stay in control was slowly getting harder and harder. It started at the death of her birth mother and she realized the weight of knowing that she really _was_ next.

The curse has a name, she still remembers it. **Arba,** had the Doku Family called 'her.' She existed in their line long, long ago and from the books she had read concerning her, they theorized that she had been there since the very first family of this world. It was something that existed for generations and there was no indication that tells it was avoidable. Once you had been chosen by _her,_ you become merely a puppet for her to control.

She hated it. _She hated Arba._

At times, she wondered whether all the horrible experiences she's had in her life happened because of _her._ That may be the case. She read on a book that the witch was well-versed with magic. It was said that it was possible for her to mess with her next body even before she announces her existence within them. Thinking about it, it makes sense.

She was abandoned by the Dokus as they were afraid she might be chosen. Even if it was just one of them, they wanted someone to be saved from their curse. Hika getting taken to the Palace was also due to her, having been controlling Yuuka when she inflicted illness upon the former queen, lady Kansei. The fire was also brought on by her, Gyokuenwas sure of it. There was no other way of explaining who that 'she' the man had mentioned. Then... there was Kanou's death. There was nobody else at that mountain but the two of them, and yet, as if someone had sliced at her ankles, she was detached from them clean off and fell to her death.

...now that she was listing down all the possible events that Arba may have had a hand in, the more she felt sick to her stomach. She knew that the longer she resisted, the more and more brutal the consequences of her actions would be.

...

..

.

Even now... _she's whispering._

* * *

Gyokuen started to fear having more children. She loathed to think that the next one she gives birth to would be a girl. She has many sisters and in theory, Arba could just use one of them or their children as her next body. As selfish as it was, even if it was just on her side, she didn't want her children to get acquainted with _her._

And she vowed that she wouldn't let her, resting her hand on top of her stomach and the budding life that she knew was growing inside of her.

* * *

"Yuu, are you sure you saw mother come here?"

"For the fifth time, _I'm sure."_ And for the fifth time, he reassured his brother as he trotted along beside him in their quest to find the queen.

"Then why haven't we seen her yet?"

Hakuyuu wanted to sigh when he heard him speak again but his question did make him wonder. So, he wasn't able to give a straight answer. He looked a little embarrassed. "Ah, well..."

Hakuren made a face of deadpan. "It'll be night time soon, too." He had pointed out.

"...it'll be fine."

_"Are you really sure?"_

Pinching his brother's cheeks, Hakuyuu heard noise near them. It made him stop and look around for it, making the boy beside him look at him in confusion. It sounded like a voice, muttering lowly to themselves that it took a bit of straining to hear. Even them, it was hard to make out what it was that was being said.

He went closer, curiosity fueling his actions and this time, he heard them clearly and realized who the voice belonged to.

"I can't... I _can't._ I don't want to. _Please, I-!"_

_Is that... mother?_ He thought, wondering who she was talking to and why she sounded so afraid. It was mostly the worry that had him peeking around the corner to see her highness standing in the middle of the hall, looking up at the wall in front of her and muttering.

There was no one for her to talk to.

"Mother?"

Hearing his brother suddenly speak up from beside him made Hakuyuu remember he had Hakuren by his side. _"Hakuren!"_

Their mother, as if snapping out of her terrified trance, hastily looked at them and presented them with a shaky smile. "Oh! My dear, hello."

He had seen that before. That was back when she had holed herself up in her own room and refused to meet with them. When she had come out, she wore the very same smile and hesitated in touching her sons. It was as if she was afraid of hurting them. But for what reason?

She dropped it after a few days so he had forgotten about it but now he remembered again.

"We wanted to see you!" Hakuren ran towards her and their mother greeted his advancement with a hug and keeping him in her hands as she straightened up.

"Is that... Is that so? My, aren't I the luckiest."

_Again, that frightened and unsure smile._

"Mother."

At his call, the queen turned to face him and was met with a grimace. Her demeanor changed to that of a knowing one. "Yes, Hakuyuu?"

Still, he couldn't just outright ask her something so... open to many interpretations as 'what's wrong'. She might not even answer him, so he settled for the one that was more straight-forward.

"Were you speaking with someone?"

"Huh? Eh... no, child." Her brows furrowed and she looked away at him, even from the inquiring gaze of her youngest son in her arms. "Why do you ask?"

He hesitated in answering her but since things had come to that, and he since he brought it up first, he might as well. "You were talking to yourself and seemed really afraid. Was there someone there?"

"N-No! There wasn't! Really... there wasn't."

She was quick to deny it, making it all the more suspicious. But faced with that look of nervousness in her face, he couldn't make himself to question it further. Not that he needed to. She elaborated it herself.

"Pregnancy with your new sibling is hard. I've just... found that talking to myself aided in feeling well. So that's why..."

He doubted it had anything to do with their new sibling. But that thought of her lying was something that brought a bitter taste to his mouth, so even if he was worried, he decided to drop it. If it was something that was a serious matter, then it would reveal itself in due time. "Oh, I-I see... I'm sorry to pry, mother."

She heaved a small sigh of relief and smiled. This time, it wasn't as shaky as before. "It's fine, child. You mean no harm."

The queen nuzzled up to Hakuren who gave his older brother an unsure look.

* * *

It's time. It's time. It's time. _It's time. It's time. It's 's ' 'stimeitstimeitstimeitstimeitstimeitsti-_

...

..

.

She laughed.

**"It's time."**

* * *

It was a day to be celebrated. The Queen, Ren Gyokuen, was about to have her third child.

Hakuyuu and Hakuren are beyond ecstatic. During the early stages of pregnancy, the doctor said the signs he saw predicted that the next-born would be a boy. The two princes always wanted a younger brother but they were fine with a sister too. After all, the only woman they had in their life was their mother and another girl in the wouldn't hurt.

Though Gyokuen was sure that whatever gender their baby was, the two princes and even her King would not hesitate to spoil them silly.

The day that the baby was born though was all but merry. It was chaos.

Maids were running around, retrieving whatever it was that the doctors needed for a safe delivery for the soon prince. All the ministers that they have are kneeling outside the royal quarters, each praying for the Queen and the soon prince. Whether it was out of good will or formality, Hakuyuu didn't know but him and his brother were waiting outside their mother's room.

Their father was inside the room with their mother, comforting the older woman but it didn't seem like it was helping.

"HAKUTOKU THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! DAMN YOU, I TOLD YOU NO MORE CHILDREN YET HERE WE ARE AGAIN!" It was followed by another scream as the matrons and doctors inside urged Gyokuen to push.

The shaking voice of their father sounded right after, in an attempt to calm her down. "S-Settle down, my love. A third child is good for us, our family is growi-ACK!" There was a loud crack and the princes winced in unison. "Owowowow Gyokuen, love, y-your hand-AAAHH!"

"SHUT UP YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING KING!"

And then there was more chaos inside that Hakuyuu stopped listening in. Well, even when he did, he could still hear his mother cursing the very existence of their father and the unborn child. It was a hell of a delivery, alright.

"Mom sure is having fun, ain't she, Yuu." Hakuren spoke with a carefree sarcasm in his tone, giving the door that separated the two of them from the people inside with a look.

Hakuyuu stopped his pacing to ruffle his bangs with a sigh. "As if. We're about to be fatherless soon if this keeps up."

"Eh, father would be dearly missed then, I guess." His brother shrugged his shoulders. He then regarded Hakuyuu with a raised brow. "You look like you're having fun, too." He pointedly looked at the bags underneath the crown prince's eyes and the sleep wear he was still donning. The only thing he probably only bothered with was trying up his hair but even then, it was messy at best.

Said prince rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. I just forgot."

There was a playful grin in Hakuren's face. "Oh, so you forgot to dress up, you forgot your crown, and you forgot to sleep. I can't believe it but you're an old man now Yuu."

"Shut your mouth!" The twelve year old was punched upside the head.

"Ow!"

"How did you even have time to be properly dressed at a time like this? Even father is just as disheveled as I am currently." He berated as Hakuren rubbed his head. The boy took awhile to answer him.

"Mom was taking awhile to birth our brother so... I slept in!" He had the nerve to look sheepish and Hakuyuu's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Then the baby still isn't here so I took my time getting dressed. I even asked for the best one I have. Look at me!" He raised both his hands up to prove his point and indeed, he asked for the best. He looked like he was going to attend a special ceremony.

"You're an idiot, Hakuren."

"Whaaat, why? What's wrong with dressing up?"

Hakuyuu crossed his arms and let his eyes wander to outside the window beside them, ignoring his brother's whines. There, he could see the ministers, bowing their heads in unison after every parroting they did to the words of their lead.

"Queen Gyokuen! Have a safe delivery, your Highness!"

_"Queen Gyokuen! Have a safe delivery, your Highness!"_

"Well, at least we are not the only one who is excited for our brother." He muttered, mostly to himself but Hakuren decided to add his own cent in.

"But let's be honest, they're just going to suck up to our brother and try to have him play right into their hands, right?" He gave the scowl that the older prince directed at him with an innocent smile. "You know it. I know it because they did the same thing to both of us. When it was clear it didn't work on you, they decided to round on me."

"You were the one who played them better at their own game."

He threw his head back and barked out a laugh at that. Doing nothing but just that for a little bit. Hakuyuu could see the mirth in his brother's eyes. He found nothing but amusement on it unlike him who found the minister's actions annoying at best.

But it was true though. Hakuyuu was the smarter of the two so when he realized that they were being friendlier to him and demanding sly favours from him to give a good word to their father, he didn't play nice and did what he could to show how displeased he was. It was worth it when he had told some of them off right in front of his father and they were warned never to do it again.

Having their plan failed, they discreetly started doing the same to Hakuren, being careful not to do it under the king's and Hakuyuu's watchful eyes.

But apparently, they didn't have to worry as even at the age of five, Hakuren played the fools better at their own game. He made a show that he was listening to them, asking if there was something he could do for their troubles, would they like for him to talk to their father about it, or even just telling them that they could count on him.

Being a small boy back then, and his smile could really pull on people's heartstrings, they let their guard down and did just what Hakuren wanted them to do.

Unbeknownst to them, the boy was happily ratting them out to their father whenever he was given the chance. No secret of theirs was left unspilled every time and it was through his actions that the court found out some of the ministers had been stealing from the treasury, bringing in women at ungodly hours when it wasn't allowed, and some even visiting the matrons and maid's quarters to wreck... havoc.

There was even some that was found to be planning a coup and they needed Hakuren's help to convince the King to go to a town (that supposedly needed help from an invading neighboring country) where he would be ambushed and killed.

It was a sight to see his tiny brother grinning innocently at the accused ministers as they were hanged the following week.

Hakuyuu may be the straightforward one of them both, feared of any punishment he would inflict to anyone he deemed deserving of it but Hakuren was the slyest of them two who gets what he wanted without asking for it upright. He truly was someone to be feared but maybe it was that same reason why the two of them go well together. And in a way, that was a scary thought.

A piercing scream came from the room across them that made the two wince. It was louder than the previous ones, and frankly the most painful one.

"MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN AND I SWEAR I WILL CUT YOUR-"

Whatever it is that their mother swore she will detach from their father, Hakuyuu was relieved he didn't get to find out. But right after getting cut off, a high-pitched wail sounded. It wasn't loud enough for the ministers outside to hear so they continued on with their chants of prayers but the princes both heard it clearly.

The door to the room then was unlocked and the sweat-dotted face of one of the matrons greeted them.

"Your Highnesses, please do come in. Meet your new sibling."

Hakuren was off of his perch on the table and came running inside while Hakuyuu politely thanked the matron for helping with their sibling's delivery. When he had came in the room, the other women and doctors were filing out, bowing to him on their way. He saw his mother passed out on her bed, delivering must've taken a lot out of her and that was fine. She would wake up later when she's feeling well.

And then... he turned his attention to his father who was carrying a small pink bundle in his arms.

Hakuyuu felt it was hard to swallow for some reason. And he was oddly a little ashamed of coming in the room to meet their brother looking as he does. He wished he had been just as carefree as his brother was that morning.

Walking over to the where they were, he tentatively kneeled beside their mother's bed. Hakuren was looking in awe at the still crying newborn but he kept his voice at a minimum, as if afraid of making the baby cry more.

"Is that...?" Hakuyuu breathed out his father nodded.

A rare smile was plastered in his face as he held the bundle in his arms. "Here, take your new sibling in your arms Hakuyuu."

"Oh... no, father. I-" The crown prince didn't know how to hold a baby properly. He was afraid to do it wrong and somehow hurt their brother but King Hakutoku was insistent. As soon as ball of warmth was in his hand, he taught him how to hold the baby properly, speaking as if he had gone through the same thing back when he and Hakuren were just newborns.

Then, he was holding unto his new brother with all the tenderness he had. He was afraid to hurt to tiny thing but holding him made it felt like his heart was gonna burst out of his chest at any moment. Hakuyuu was happy. And he could tell everyone in the room was.

"Have you decided on a name for him yet?"

His father blinked before understandment dawned on his face. He let out a bark of laughter that nearly woke the baby up.

"Father!" Hakuren cried out, concerned with waking up the tiny bundle again while hakuyuu looked at the older man confused.

Settling down, there was amusement shining in their father's face. And the two princes realized why.

"You thought you both were having a brother?" He asked incredulously and they gaped at him.

"W-Wha- but the doctors said that-" the king cut off Hakuren's stuttering with another laughter but this time, it was more contained.

"Yes, the doctors said that the child was a boy because all signs pointed to it while your mother was still pregnant. But in reality," he gestured to the pink bundle around the newborn and now Hakuyuu realized why it was that color. It was purposely wound around their new sibling.

The brothers both looked at the newborn with newfound awe. They wanted a brother, but a sister was even better. Then, as if there was an unvoiced signal, everyone in the room calmed down and went silent. They just watched the tiny princess sleep soundly in Hakuyuu's arms.

"We named her Hakuei. The first princess, Ren Hakuei." Their father said softly and Hakuren raised a hand to run a dainty finger in her cheek.

"Hakuei..." Hakuyuu murmured, holding the bundle closer. "Like a precious jewelry. It suits her."

Hakuren retrieved his hand back and propped his head up with it, grinning at his father and older brother. "You know, I keep on complaining about this whole war stuff. But for my new sister, I wouldn't mind risking my life to protect her."

"Our sister." Hakuyuu snorted before bringing his gaze back down to the little girl. His eyes softened slightly. "And... I feel the same way. I don't mind it as much anymore."

On that particular day of summer, the two princes swore their life to protect their new and final family member.

It was truly a day to be celebrated.

* * *

Gyokuen nearly cried seeing the bundled up baby in her arms. But it wasn't out of joy but of fear for her child. She was so beautiful. They named her Hakuei. A precious jewel of their family.

She was the very same thing that she wanted to avoid having. And yet here she was, crying and full of life. The thought that someday, Arba would be tormenting this child of her's was _painful._ What can she do to protect her?

As her tears fell and dropped at Hakuei's cheeks, she heard _her voice._

**"There's nothing to fear if you let me in control."**

She laughed, clutching her baby close to her. She found it funny that she couldn't even discern her own voice from Arba when _she_ had spoken through her lips.

* * *

With her fourth child, Hakuryuu, Gyokuen could barely summon a smile as she gazed her youngest son. She didn't know what to feel. She was happy, of course, but there had been a problem.

Just like with Hakuei, _she hadn't remembered giving birth._

She had dark circles under her eyes as she lulled the baby to sleep. She comforted herself with the thought that maybe, she was the one who suppressed her own memory and not because someone else went through the experience rather than her.

She paused in her humming, wiping away the tears that were slowly pouring out of her eyes as she gazed at Hakuryuu.

_"...I need to keep strong."_

* * *

Life was so funny.

As soon as Arba gained control of her body, no matter how much she fought against her, she would always win the brawl. No matter how much she cursed at her, even that fell of deaf ears, _ignored._

The moment Gyokuen was at her vulnerable state, the witch managed to make her fell asleep in the deep recesses of her own mind. When she wakes up, she would always be hysterical at how much time had past. Then the cycle repeats itself.

She never stopped trying, even after it had been _way_ too long for her to even keep track of time. All she knew is that the moment she gives up, everything would be over. The family she wanted to protect would crumble instantly. Everything would be destroyed by _her,_ using her very face and hands.

But what she hadn't known was that Arba already had plans to make her give up. And it was through her family that she planned on doing so.

* * *

"Hakutoku, help me..." Arba approached her husband, using Gyokuen's face so that he would not be able to turn her away. The sword she held in her hand was drenched with blood as it glistened in the moonlight. "I'm so scared."

She continued approaching the older man, each step was like a countdown to his demise.

Gyokuen wanted to scream, she wanted to tell him to hurry away, to not just stand there and be fooled by the person who was in control of her body, to turn his ever-loving gaze away from her. She didn't want him to die. But there was nothing she could do but watch as Arba stopped in front of her beloved, poising the sword to his neck as he stayed unmoving from his spot.

**"Help me, Hakutoku."**

It felt like Arba was mocking her, saying the words she so wanted to say, scared and distraught as she had been at that moment when the sword had slid across her husband's throat. And even then, he made no move to fight and just accepted it.

She wanted to cry and just stay there, cradling her beloved husband but even that was something Arba would not give her. With contempt in her face, she wiped the blade of the sword with her sleeve and walked away.

She left behind Kou's Emperor to bleed to death. And with him, was Gyokuen's sanity.

* * *

"Mother!"

"You witch! I know it was only about time you killed us as well."

"Why father... _Why!?"_

"You would not kill Hakuryuu, as well!"

"I will meet you in purgatory, Gyokuen..."

* * *

It had all been a blur.

_Ahh... how long has it been?_

Gyokuen asked herself that, over and over again. She lost her sense of time. Being unable to control her body, it was only a matter of time. All she knew is that _she_ kept killing and killing. The longer she went on, the more blood-stained her hand had looked. It was awful. She was nauseated but could do nothing but continue on watching.

Perhaps things would've been better had she just succumbed to insanity but even after that, Arba continued to show her the awful things she had done and how she planned on taking things further and further. She wanted her to see, she wanted her to _watch,_ to realize that there was nothing she could do but just that.

Even in her own body, she felt trapped and afraid, just the way the witch had wanted it. She sometimes wondered whether she herself even urged on Arba's killings at one point. She could barely remember it but the possibility was there. She thought that by doing that and trying to understand what was so fun about taking lives, she would get to understand the _her_ reasonings.

It only made her delve deeper into insanity. And she just laughed at her for it. Or was it her own voice? Had she laughed at her own self for being so pathetic? Sharing a body was a confusing thing, indeed.

There was this _Al Thamen_ that grew in size, the longer the other was in control. They had a hidden place set up just for them to plot. About what? About _world domination?_ Ahh... well, that was a weird thing to plot about. Then again, Arba is evil. She wouldn't put it past _her_ to start something as grand as that.

And having their place underneath the Palace themselves was as cliché as they could get. It wouldn't be easy to enter as they would need the ability to enter a different dimension to go through, but if one was determined enough, would busting through a wall be sufficient enough? She still didn't understand all those nonsense about magic but she had seen enough to know that they had been useful.

For Hika, it certainly was.

Now that she mentioned it, where _had_ her adoptive mother go? Had she left her again? Well, that's no good. She didn't like being sad and hurting. Won't she come back so-

Oh... she remembered now. The older woman died trying to save her husband the Emperor. She sent a glare to her, it was so hateful, as she tried using her magic to try and close the wound that she had inflicted in him. It didn't work though, and she was afraid because Arba had grown tired of her meddling and killed her too.

Perhaps Gyokuen was the cruel one, because back then, she hadn't cared who else had died. She only _watched._ It made things easier because then she wouldn't have to hurt anymore. _She_ told her the same thing, too.

**"There is no need to hurt if you** _**only** _ **watched."**

There was always cruelty present in the witch's tone but back then, it wasn't laced with it. And so she listened. She would have to be good if she wants to be back to normal.

She wanted to feel something again, and her insanity wasn't helping her case.

* * *

It was Koutoku's final moments alive. He had stayed cooped up in his room the moment those weird warts of sorts appeared on his skin. Slowly, he started getting weaker and weaker until he could no longer walk. But he stayed sitting, trying his best to look as imposing as he usually was, even without the ability to walk.

But even then, sitting was becoming more and more of a task until... he never left his bed anymore. Arba stayed by his side, playing the role of the loving wife and empress to him. Even if those feeling she showed him he knew deep down were nothing but hollow words.

She never loved him. She never did. Even back all those years ago, she only had eyes for his brother. Even after he was taken out of the picture, he knew that it wasn't enough to guarantee that she would look at him and only him. He knew that playing by the witch's hands to destroy her family still wouldn't be enough.

Now, all he had was those false promises that were spoken by not even Gyokuen but someone who merely used her own body. Still, even if she wasn't the same woman he fell in love with, the face was still the same. And in his final moments, he wanted to tell 'her' how he felt one last time.

"You had always been so brave." He started off, his words hoarse and raspy. Not even any amount of water could cure the dryness in his throat. Still, he continued on. "From the moment we met, you had always been so headstrong. You didn't care that I was a prince and you a commoner. All that mattered was that respect is earned and not forcefully given. You taught me that, much more than father ever had to me."

It hurt to even breathe slowly, and he was sure that it sounded just as painful as it felt. Yet, he kept on going. There was so much more he wanted to tell her. So, _so_ much more than that.

And for the first time in a while, Gyokuen was listening to him, silent. But what he said next, surprised her.

_"I was responsible for their deaths."_

He clutched at her hand, Arba squeezing back as she combed her free hand in his matted hair. Lovingly, caringly; the perfect image of a good wife.

"Of course you are, dear." She purred, smiling at him even when he could no longer see anything but mere blurs. "You did so good, setting fire to that manor."

"I am so sorry, Gyokuen."

"There's no need to be sorry, your Highness."

"I am so, _so_ sorry. I regret letting my emotions lead the reigns to my actions." He spoke as if she wasn't speaking, and Arba merely talked as if he wasn't ignoring her words. 'She' wasn't the one he wanted to hear, but her.

"I have loved you, for so long. But the one who took your heart was my brother and not me. I was swallowed by anger. I wanted to take everything that he had the same way that he had taken the things that were meant for me. A family, the throne, respect, and strength. He had it all, including you."

"Yes, and you were right to take things that were rightfully yours. They were meant for you but _he_ took them instead."

"I was so selfish. I... deserved this."

Arba truly sounded like a being uttering words of evil to a man, tempting them to take severe actions for the things that had happened in their lives. It was wrong, it was _all_ wrong, but Koutoku was blinded by her sweet temptations to kill. And he did just that. The witch may have taken the life of her husband but her older sons were killed by his men, accompanied by the so-called priests of the empire.

He was just as guilty as if he were the one who had taken their lives with his own hands.

His hands shaking within her grip, he turned his head at her with much difficulty. Although he could not see, he looked at her as if he was looking straight through to Gyokuen. With his final breath, he smiled at her.

_"You are still there."_

That was all it took for his feelings to pierce through, and Arba let out a scream, clutching at her head and stepping away from the corpse of the former Emperor. It didn't take long before she lost control, and the reigns were handed back to the body's rightful owner.

* * *

For a moment, her head had hurt. It was brief, almost as if it had just been her imagination, but right after, she realized that she can feel her own feet touch the ground when she had righted herself up from almost stumbling. Then, confused, her hand went to cradle her head at where the pain had struck to realize that she was once again in control of her body.

Gyokuen felt tears run down her cheeks as a feeling of relief, happiness, and so much more emotions welled up in her chest, making it hard to breathe for a moment.

_She was free._

But still, her joy was short-lived when the all too familiar signs of the witch trying to take over her body appeared once more. Her entire body shook, fighting Arba's spiritual strength as she struggled for control against the now conscious Gyokuen.

_**"Dear, won't you be so kind as to lend me your body again?"** _

_**"I won't do anything that'll hurt our remaining children."** _

_**"Let me before I get angry again."** _

She ignored all of those harsh whispers against her ears. It was still shiver-inducing as it was when she had first started speaking to her. But she didn't want to give up control, not when she has her chance although it wouldn't be long before she wouldn't be able to handle the witch's anger. She didn't want to accept it, but her time was limited.

Trying her best to ignore the false promises she told herself not to believe anymore and the threats, she pushed her body to walk towards the one place she wanted to go to; the cemetery. There, amidst the rain that pounded against her struggling form was the graves where her husband, the previous Emperor Hakutoku and their two older sons, Hakuyuu and Hakuren, lay in their final resting place.

Arba never wanted her to find out. She wanted to make her feel just how helpless she was about their deaths, to suffer that much and not even be able to beg for forgiveness to them; for being so _weak,_ for letting _her_ harm _them._ She felt just like how the witch wanted her to feel and the guilt for all of the things _she_ had done in her body was eating at her bit by bit until she just gave up and let the other do as she pleases.

Hakuryuu's crying face, she always saw it while watching the boy grow up. He did so without her being able to show him the love that she so wanted him to have with his sister. But at that day, as he painfully accused her of killing his father and his older brothers, she just couldn't forget the hate that he showed her at that moment.

It was painful. And yet... it gave her the wake up call that she needed to pull herself together.

How can she just let that woman do as she pleases with her own body? To let her harm the people she loved just like that? It was enough that her older sons slowly grew to hate her when they were the ones who knew her for who she was before the witch. But for her other children to dislike her for as long as she could remember, it was too much.

Even Hakuei, who always came off as a gentle princess to everyone, had given her the same look that Hakuyuu gave at that night. She always was the brightest, but the lingering suspicions that she held within her turned into outright distrust when Hakuryuu had met with her.

Once again, she lost a child to Arba. And perhaps the saddest part is that everything was going according to her plan.

_**"Yes, and everything was going so well, wasn't it?"**_ Arba purred, and alongside it she brought pain to her head that lingered for far too long. It had just been seconds, but the splitting migraine felt like it had lasted for much longer. There, she tried her best not to give her control.

Not yet.

_Not yet._

She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and did her best to march onward to her beloved's graves.

This time, she promised that things would be different. Arba may have to tried to hide it, avoiding anyone who even mutters the name of her late husband, but she knew it wouldn't be long before it reaches her ears.

She pretended to not hear, to not see, and not react to anything that had happened around her for far too long. But people slip up all the time, and even the most careful does too as well.

When Arba did, that moment of weakness was all she needed, and she seized it far quickly for the witch to react.

Now, victorious, she had finally found her way to Emperor Hakutoku's grave and stood in front of it in the same way she stood before him back when he had just been merely Toku.

Tall, proud, and _determined._

That determination had a place for every little thing and for the man back then, she had it for the sake of making him happy.

The weather, perhaps knowing how laughable it was to do such a thing in front of a previous emperor, did its best to make the rain drop harder against her. She let them, and fell on her knees.

If she was to be honest, she was so, so _tired_ of everything that had happened around her. She wanted a peaceful life, away from the memories that haunted when she was still young and idiotic.

Hakutoku was the one person who helped her go through everything, not even expecting any thanks from her. And although it was just a mindless wish that she has, he married her and even had a family _with_ her. He loved her, just as much as she loved him... and look where that got him.

"You're so... _so stupid."_

Hakutoku merely smiled at her, just like he always does, taking the insult in stride. It didn't bother him, and he merely smiled it off. With his hands, just as big and warm as she remembered them, he caressed her cheek and wiped away at the tears that mixed with the water running down her face.

_"I know."_ He told her. _"And I'm sorry."_

Her chest heaving, she let out a chocked sob and placed her hand where his would've been. She was the one who was supposed to say sorry, _not him._ It was never his job to apologize to her. She wanted him to just keep on smiling and ignore whatever nonsense she spouted at him.

He was never meant to leave her side. He broke that promise by letting her kill him, smiling as if it was just any other day and accepting it when she had stabbed him.. Even before he collapsed due to his own weight, he still said, 'I'm sorry.'

He was such an idiot. Why couldn't he have just been angry at her? She could've accepted it more had he fought for his life. If he had killed her that night, she would've been even happier.

But he didn't. He would rather take his own life than allow any harm to be brought upon her by his own hands.

Her knees gave out from beneath her, as the last of her strength left her. She stared at her husband's grave, her eyes going over the familiar letters that made up his name as if it was the last time she was going to see it.

**練 白徳**

Slowly, she started hearing Arba's voice again, and she was angrier than she was before. As the wind howled from above her, Gyokuen merely looked on and whispered,

"Please forgive me."

And then, the tomb in which his name was engraved crumbled into dust and she closed her eyes for what was going to be the final time.

_"I'm so sorry."_

Immediately, she was back on her knees and Arba sneered at the dust, watching in half-amusement and irritation as it mixed with mud. Ren Hakutoku was no more, and Ren Gyokuen should be the same. From a little ways away from her, two other gravestones crumbled, suffering the same fate as their father once more just like all of those years ago.

_**Perhaps if my irritation allows, I will have a grave made in your own name, wench.** _

...

..

.

...she didn't answer.

* * *

She never let her gain back control again after that. As soon as she had gained back control, Arba locked Gyokuen from the deepest part of her mind in a cage whose key she kept away in the real world.

It had been years, hadn't it?. That was the only explanation for how her youngest son stood in front of her, older than when she had last been conscious enough to see what Arba can see. He was so tiny back then, so full of hate in his eyes, and yet here he was, even more hatred burning behind his two-colored eyes.

She had teared up at the sight of him. She _wanted_ to hug him, just so that she'll be able to remember just how it was back when everything had been fine. But she found no strength to do so. She could only look up at him, as she held her own neck to keep from bleeding out.

From where she was, she could see the similarity that Hakuryuu had with his eldest brother. Had he been alive with Hakuren and their father, Hakutoku, would things have been different? Would the son that stood in front of her, shaking from his own rage, be looking at her differently?

Before she could stop herself, she made to call out to him, but a different name left her own lips. "...Hakuyuu?"

"You don't understand." He muttered lowly, and for a second, his eyes glazed over and he held his sword up high above him. In a second, he brought it down and it connected to her neck. There was a brief pain and her world slowly rolled until she hit the ground and was watching her own body pour blood from the neck where her head was detached from her body.

Her eyes looked over at Hakuryuu as he spat out, _"I don't care anymore."_

Before she lost consciousness, his words made a mark on her. From that one sentence, he made it clear to her that the most important thing to him was his revenge on _her._ It was the only thing that drives him and it left a bitter taste on her mouth. Just like what Gyokuen had planned, he was going down the road that the witch had arranged for him.

Now, all that was left was for his ruin.

Gyokuen wished that he hadn't killed her like he had done. She still has a lot of things to say to him and Arba only made her have a brief taste of freedom before her own son took it away from her.

When she had lost consciousness for the final time, she stood above her own decapitated corpse and watched as her own face twisted into a cruel smirk. Alongside the terrifying cluster of black birds that surrounded her own body was the sudden bright light that caused a massive explosion.

Hakuryuu and another young man she briefly recognized as Judar, the boy that the witch herself brought to the Palace, had barely escaped from harm.

And Gyokuen could only watch.

There was nothing else that she could do. _That was it._

Hakuryuu had finally taken her life, just as he promised _her_ and Arba was cackling in glee about it. It was all apart of her plan, after all; to see him fall into despair and ruin the very empire he swore to take back with his own hands.

But that brief moment of mad joy for her was another instance in which her guard was down.

There was nothing else that Gyokuen could do as a spirit. She had finally separated from that wicked woman, finally given the chance to have that peace that she had been so desperate on getting. She can finally move on, and possibly meet with her beloved once more. And this time, she can apologize to him in person.

But there was another person in which she needed to warn about the misfortune that was about to happen to her. She couldn't accept that after her, _she_ would be suffering in her stead.

_Hakuei was next._

With one last determination-filled act, Gyokuen walked away from Hakutoku's outstretched hand and hurriedly made way for her only daughter.

She never had a chance to speak with her properly, thus never getting to know her _real mother._ But that was fine with her. Perhaps not knowing the true her would save her from the pain that her older brothers had to endure due to that fact. As much as possible, she wanted her two youngest to be free from this.

But... one of the things she never got to do with the two was to hug them. Hakuryuu wouldn't accept it, so hugging him was just as painful as it was for him, and with the circumstances with his 'inner self,' she would not be able to contact him, no matter how hard she tries.

And so, Hakuei was the only one to receive it from her.

"I'm so sorry, my daughter. Be careful of the woman named Arba."

Gyokuen had whispered it on the young woman's ears, hoping that her words would be enough to reach her before the witch does.

She hoped, that her feelings and that would be enough.

...

..

.

Then, she was ready. And this time, she took ahold of Hakutoku's hands before he could reach it out to her. Their feelings once again reunited, but the great flow of the Ruhk was an unforgiving one and he had long since had his memories vanished.

Still, he smiled so sweetly at her just like he always would. That truth made Gyokuen tear up in response.

One day, she was going to forget all of the memories that she had with him. All of the chaste kisses, the sweet whispers, and the assurance that she would never be alone... all of it would disappear. But her only comfort in the harsh reality that she was shown is that even without them, her heart would always and forever remain true to her beloved.

Just as the case with him.

And someday, far, _far_ off into the future, she would meet with all of their children. The two of them would never remember them, but she hoped that their sincere smiles despite what they lacked would be enough to finally live happily together.

Until then, she would smile through her tears as Hakutoku worried over her, just like he always does.

Perhaps, this would be the sought after happy ending to her story as _Ren Gyokuen._

* * *

Far off from what remained of Kou's Empire stood a young woman. Her dark blue hair was being rustled in the wind and she fought to keep it from going in her face. In her hands, she held a bouquet of white daisies. The woman who's grave in front of her belonged to liked them. Apparently, it was her favorite, and there were barely any other flowers she paid attention to.

It was special, because her father bonded for the first time with her mother using the flowers. The late emperor would often tell tale of the time that he fondly remembered towards her and her younger brother Hakuryuu. It was always a delight to see the older man smile when usually, he wouldn't dare do so.

It was clear that he loved their mother. Whether the same could be said for the woman, Hakuei was not sure. From she had heard from Hakuryuu, Arba had been in control of their mother and posed as her even before her own birth. There was no way of telling whether all the 'happy' memories she had of the woman was even genuine in the first place.

Even now, three years after her death, the princess was still unsure. She was also controlled by Al Thamen's leader for a long while. Those three years were nothing but a blur to her. Whatever went wrong with her mother, the witch didn't want to happen to her who was next. So she was cut off from even viewing the outside world through her own eyes, even if her body moved not with her own will.

But perhaps that was for the better. She didn't want to know what horrendous things Arba had done in her own name and face. It would be shameful, she was sure. But also painful. Imagine not seeing and hearing everything but your own body moved to a tune different from yours.

How many people did her mother see get killed with her own hands? How many people had suffered yet she couldn't do anything but watch? She was told by Hakuryuu that the fire that claimed their father and their older brothers' lives were caused by that woman. Did she see her own husband killed with her own hands?

Hakuei felt nothing but regret at that moment. Out of all of her siblings, she was least worried about their mother's odd behavior while she was growing up. She chalked it up to nothing and instead spent her days oblivious to Hakuryuu's ever growing sense of vengeance towards the Empress.

Perhaps if she hadn't ignored her mother and actually listened to her brother all those years ago, things may have ended differently. Even if she just supported her brother or even tried to stop him.

It was too late now. Far, _far_ too late. So the least that she could do was continue her endeavor of supporting her brother, the current Empress, and his highness Kouen towards rebuilding the Empire from the ground up. It would be hard work, and she was sure it'll take more than years to do so but it was the country that her father and her brothers fought hard to protect.

Hakuei bent down and placed the bouquet in her mother's grave and smiled.

"I'm sorry that I only visited now. But we're all doing alright. There's nothing to worry about anymore..."

...

..

.

_"May you rest in peace, mother."_

From behind her, Ren Gyokuen showed a soft smile, her hands clutching unto the hands of her husband beside her.

**Author's Note:**

> And, that's the end! Official word count: 57,644 words. Updates to this story would be the rewritten version, chapter by chapter. I'll try and get those up but that'll take awhile;; Anyways, I hope reading this mess has been enjoyable. Let me know what you think about it!


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